What are your opinions of a girl who is very shy when sober, difficult to engage in a conversation, but when drunk is flirty, and constantly reveals her interest in you?

It's like dealing with two different personalities. Advice?

I've been across girls like that before. It's frustrating, but you at the least you know she is interested. She's just shy.

The way to go about this is to adapt to the situation. You want to go direct, but not too strong. I would ask her out, sober. Shouldn't be an issue.

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Cheers for the reply dude. I did just that, but I feel in retrospect I was too direct. I said "I'm taking you out this week" with a smile on my voice, confident, but friendly body language. She was really uncomfortable though, didn't give me any kind of answer.

How should I go about redeeming this? The mutual interest is so strong, I hope I haven't lost it all through one mistake of being too direct

Should I leave her for a couple of weeks, then try again?

I'm guessing this was through text?

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No, face to face, hence the smile and body language.

Ah, ok. I was just confused because you said she didn't give you any kind of answer.

What did she do then?

Well, like I said this girl needs direct, but much LESS of it. Do not be too forceful like you would be with other girls. Almost downplay your game a bit. Ask her nicely if she wants to grab a bite to eat. DON'T tease her much. Instead get to know her more. Let her become more comfortable in front of you. You want to remain alpha of course, but not be too intense. Make sense?

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She was just like "I don't know what to say", really uncomfortable, so i bailed her out and said fb me your number, which she didn't do.

I know what you mean about being more laid back, it's just that when we hang out when we're drunk it's so different.

She came up to me and said "I love you", pretends we're a couple. I met some of her friends for the first time and they said she had told them a lot about me.

I can hug and kiss her on the cheek when we're drunk, but it's so so different when she's sober. Like I can tease when she's drunk and all that, but I wanted to ask her out when she was sober, to get a true answer you know?

Do you still think I can redeem this? Maybe I should ask her again when she's drunk?

The problem with continuing this process while she's drunk is that no matter what you will always have to deal with her sober. If you break through to her when she's sober, this will be a much easier time. I urge you to work this out on her sober self.

You can easily redeem this, because I think she still likes you. You have to continue to make the moves, because she won't (at least now). Find her again in person and tell her you want to hang out because you know of a "fun event" or "cool restaurant". Have something fun in mind. Then ask her if you can get her number to give her a call. Don't make statements, ask questions. (which is the opposite advice of what should be done, but again we're working with a shy girl)

Tell us what ends up happening with this!

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Sound advice, I need more rapport with her sober side, but I feel the next time I see her after this incident needs to be her drunk side, because she's likely to be more open to hanging out with me. Just to put that behind us.

Ok, here's an update.

I got a chance to speak to the mutual friend who witnessed me asking her out, and has been around for a lot of our encounters.

He first asked me if I was being serious when I asked her out (I did everything I could to make sure it was obvious, even said "I'm being serious).

I told him I was then he told me that the girl had afterwards asked him whether he thought I was being serious, but he said he didn't want to get involved.

I mentioned the problem with her being shy when sober. He said that she is pretty awkward when sober, and admitted that I had laid it on a plate for her and there was no good reason she didn't say yes.

Not sure how to take this. Should I assume I'm still in with a chance, but try and hook up when we're drunk and she's more open? Would it be worth trying to tone down my confidence - how would I go about doing that without compromising my chances?

Now I'm just wondering if this is a girl you really want. She sounds extremely awkward in social situations. You being a guy that is working on yourself and becoming more social every day, might not be a good match with this girl. Now, of course, that is a general statement, I don't know you nor do I know her. But, I do know that there are plenty of amazing women out there for you that can be perfect in all ways. So at this point question what you really want.

As far as advancing this situation here's my two cents. I'm not sure really if you even have her, because she continues to question if you're serious. Does this mean you're friend zoned or is she just not used to being hit on? Or both? I don't think we know the answer to this question. If I were you I would find her and in a calm and gentle way (as we know how it's hard for her to handle these situations) tell her that you were serious about getting her number and taking her out. Yes, it's super direct, but at this point with all the questioning and friends getting involved it's becoming a lengthy process. If she can't handle you asking her out in this normal fashion, then she's not worth your time. That really is not a girl (like I said above) that you want to be with. Or maybe she will say no. Well, that stings I know, but either way you know now for sure what's going on and you can move on. Hope that helps brother.

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Thank you man.

I know at this point I can end the situation knowing I've taken virtually all the right steps. It is frustrating because I do like this girl, and admittedly a bit of oneitis has crept in. I think I'll have to open myself up to being with other women, but I like this girl enough to give her another chance if she wants it.

Anyway, I appreciate all the advice you have given.

Good luck!

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