Hi,

First time poster but now is my hour of need! Always felt pretty confident with girls but this one in particular has rattled my cage.

Ok....

Basically, met her on pof, no gamey openers just let her know i genuinely thought she was cool. She replied and we sent many essay length messages back and forth, I was feeling a big connection!

Met for lunch and I felt like it was one of the best dates ever, both made each other buzz and we both said we wanted to do it again.

I texted the next day and confirmed the above and asked her when she was next free. She agreed shed like to do it again but said she was busy during the coming week but the one after should be ok.

A few days later I rang but no answer. Followed up with a text later and asked when she was free. We agreed to do something fun the following Thursday.

Kept a few fun messages going backwards and forwards over the next few days then I went dark for a few.

Tuesday comes and I send her a message letting her know what I had planned for us.....

Straight away I get back: 'I'd love to do that with you but I've already made plans'.

Me: Oh right, thought we'd agreed. Perhaps another time? Or should i take it you're not up for it?

Her: Oh god, sorry! Another time is cool, if you can forgive x

Me: Bit disappointed to be honest; I don't get a lot of free time so need to plan before. I was looking forward to getting to know you more but I'll leave it up to you now to let me know when you are free. x


This was only yesterday but I didn't get a reply. I was trying to let her know I was annoyed and wasn't a pushover but I think I might have come across as a bit of a dick. I know it was only last night but she's a rapid texter when it comes to replying to me.

Any ideas? Plan of action?

Here are a couple of other issues to fill you in...

1) Because its pof I know that she'll be dating other guys at the same time and I'm fairly sure that her 'friend' on thurs will be another guy, whether a 1st date or other.

2) She has NEVER text me first. This has wound me up no end. I text her and I get a great reply, I mean witty, genuinely interested reply pretty much straight back.

3) She has had plenty of opportunity to back out or tell me she's not interested or simply just ignore me but she hasn't. How well our date went as well makes me feel like she was interested but all her other behaviour is bizarre.

To be honest, last night I would have preferred her to just say, look you're right, I'm not that keen, lets just be friends. But now I'm still in limbo!!!

Please, someone offer me some insights and a plan of action!!!

This board has been great but I'm genuinely stuck here!

Thanks.

I'm no expert and I've only recently had something like this happen to me. Usually I'm able on the first date to get them interested enough that they're all over me. How ever recently I had a girl do something very similar to me. Whether it's on a dating site or in person a girls going to have options. So the best thing you can do is to have options yourself. My recent mistake was I had left the dating scene for a while(was focusing on self improvement and didn't want distractions) and when I jumped back in my game was still there, but I was too available to this girl. I had focused on her and that comes off as needy despite how un-needy you may be as well as uninteresting.

As many have said on here, challenge is what keeps things going. With that said take a step back and invest your time in other women, going out with friends or focusing on something else you want to accomplish.

Let her be, no more asking about another date and back way off on the texting even your responses. Give her time to miss your attention. If she texts and seems to be getting angry about you not responding still hold off. Respond later than you normally would give her a day or 2 to wonder why your not responding. Then if you feel like it explain that you where busy, but don't apologize. Try to make your reason for not responding sound interesting too, so she knows you've got other things going on. A road trip or something spontaneous you've done recently can be interesting to her. Make her regret not calling you and maybe missing her chance to be involved with something cool.

I personally took a trip with some friends to Philly to get a Cheese steak on a whim, called in sick from work and everything. I sent her some pics in response to a complaint about where I've been. So I got a Awe, I would've love to have come and she got a maybe next time as well of pics of me scarfing a Steak sandwich and the Rocky statue etc...I've also gotten 3 other girls on the line. 2 are flakes but what ever they keep me busy and 1 has potential. Remember that girl I told you about who went from hot to cold. She's now my fourth and I haven't responded to her in days, she on the other hand is texting me 3-4 times a day minimum. Some texts sound annoyed but I can tell she's trying her best not to sound that way. In either case I can feel her interest in me growing, funny thing is right now I don't think I care.

That's my suggestion to you. Live your life get out there and make moves, not just for her attention but your own benefit. You'll find the more you take care of yourself the more others come to you.

1. Whatever. It´s her right to date and flirt with whoever she wants to as long as you two are not commited to each other. Get over it, mate.

2. You are caring too much. Text her if you feel like doing so, don´t text her if you don´t. Simple as. Just don´t be too pushy.

3. Of course, she´s obviously interested. I think you had something good going on there.

4. She´s not being a gamer, but DUDE. You are not supposed to be pissed out and act all bitchy about her flaking on you a bit. Girls are like that, after all. By acting all annoyed and pissed off, you have
1. Proved you care WAY too much about this and DLVd yourself (because it conveys you don´t have many alternatives. Or too much free time. Anyway, nothing positive. You can genuinely care about girls, but there is other stages and moments to do that).
2. Become annoying. Look at it from her POV. Even if she liked you, she is dating other guys and had plenty of alternatives (most girls do). Why would she want to set up another awkward date with you pal (I know it sounds harsh, but after saying this to her, this is what you could have become in the worst case. Because now she feels like you are pissed, and probably doesn´t feel overly good about it, and thus might not want to date you when she could, you know, just completely avoid it and go on with her life without the nuiscance of having to do this. Even if the first date was good, the emotions generated during it only last for so long.
You were supposed to freeze her out, but WITHOUT getting all bitchy about this. Just genuinely lose interest in her for being such a flake, and moving on to other, more important stuff of your life that won´t flake on you.

And about how to solve this... I dunno. Wait for her to text you back. if she doesn´t, give it another try yourself, making clear you really want to see her. If it doesn´t work, I would let go if I was you. make sure you "leave" on good terms and that she still likes you. Do your thing, date other girls, forget about her and hey, who knows. She might up ending turning to you sometime.

Edit: I aggree with Stig when he says you should not forget to live your life. In my opinion, you are caring WAY too much about this. And you shouldn´t. Because you are a PUA and got alternatives, right? And having alternatives is, in my opinion, the easiest way to be non needy (well either this or some deep inner game stuff, but that´s a whole project on itself).

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Really appreciate the comments, Ive been a complete chump here.

Anyways.... i got a text today apologising again and saying that she is free now after all if I want to continue as planned!

Girls are certainly crazy!

Thanks bro, I'm definitely for the living your life thing. A man should never let one girl be the only thing he's focusing on.
Did you respond? What did you say? I'm hoping you didn't respond and are making her wait it out a bit. You don't act angry just like you have better things to do than always be available for her. I was busy or tired or with a friend. Plus I personally wouldn't want to be her back up. She flaked on you, tell her you've made plans. Better you don't fake it do it, get yourself doing new things. Whether it's meeting new people, travel or even hitting the gym.

You expect too much. You just met, she has no obligation to you. Simply arrange for another hangout and keep your expectations firmly planted in reality (you're just getting to know the person, nothing more, nothing less - and to DETERMINE if she's right for YOU).