Hey guys, I need a bit of advice here. Been seeing this HB 9.5 not officially but we hold hands and kiss in public and shit for about a month. I made a previous post about her here: dumped-her-bf-for-me-but-is-really-sad- ... 49180.html

Pretty much, she dumped her bf of like 2 weeks and I fucked her 3 days later. We've been fucking quite frequently now and I have been really enjoying it. She knows how to take a dick haha. But that's neither here nor there. My situation:

She has been texting her ex a bit here and there, went over to his house the other night cause he wanted to "talk". She told me everything, even though I never asked, and pretty much he went super afc and is all "i am really depressed and am having bad thoughts and I am not taking my anti-depressent meds etc etc". She is like "i dont want to not help him cause i am his friend" and i said "thats cool help him out" and acted all not jealous and everything and she was all good. Fucked her that night and everything is fine.

today i was talking with her in the library and I am like "you should come over tonight after we're done studying" she says "I will see what is up, i dont think im doing anything but I might be skyping with my parents so we'll have to see" and Im like "thats cool I'm sure we can figure it out later" then she says:

HB - My ex texted me earlier and asked what i was doing tonight
ME - oh?
HB - ya, i said i was gonna be studying and he just said "ok". I dont know if that meant he was gonna ask me
to hang out or whatever. I was kinda confused
ME - that is pretty weird.
HB - ya, and i guess he technically asked me first, so i dont know
ME - i understand. I'll talk to you later I gotta finish my paper
HB - Ok

So, WTF. If she hangs out with him tonight obv a proper punishment is in order. That is obv not cool to blow me off for him. That means he is more important and higher value to her and that aint gonna fly with me. So my question is:

#1 - Did i play this correctly by not getting defensive or jealous or stand-offish?
#2 - If she hangs out with him over me, what is my proper punishment? A freeze out?
#3 - How can I ensure this stops? How do i get her to stop seeing him? Even as friends?
#4 - How do I make sure I don't come across as jealous or needy??

What's your objective? To date her, or to be her FB?

To me it sounds like you want to date her if you're getting jealous about the ex. To her it sounds like she's either an airhead or she just wants to be FWB.

#1 - Yes you played it right. If she's half smart she'll understand you're not cool with what she said.
#2 - You can administer a freezeout but she needs to know why it's happening, but if she gets back with her ex the freezeout won't be very effective. Instead, you two need to discuss how you feel because as written in my previous paragraph, there seems to be a disconnect between what you both want. But before jumping on the emotional bandwagon, do this: 1) once she starts talking about her ex, go quiet on her and ignore her. Eventually she'll ask you why you keep going quiet. That's when you can bring it up. If 1) fails, you can jump to 2) and bring up some sarcastic comments like "it's cool, you got your ex to hangout with." Eventually this will open a dialogue.
#3/4 - #2 should take care of these.

One last thing... If she denies there's any romantic involvement between her and her ex, it's bullshit and you shouldn't buy it. There will always be emotional connections with exes. Forever. Unless it was a short 1 month relationship that meant nothing.

_________________
Before she can respect you, you need to respect yourself.

Thanks for the reply man. I would have to admit that dating her would be nice. She does have very nice qualities and the sex is the best ever. Your advice is definitely gonna help me. I am trying to defuse the bomb without jealousy showing up. I like the sound of steps 1 and 2. I will def give it a try.

Lets say she says "i will not stop being his friend and hanging out with him occasionally. There is nothing wrong with that." I want her to stop hanging out with him 1 on 1 for obvious reasons. Do i just walk away and next her and she if she comes back? Or tell her straight up I wont accept that?

Thanks

Well needless to say, it's impossible to be friends with an ex you were once in love with (no matter what ANYONE says)... And if she loves/loved him, then you are right in demanding she stop hanging out with him (since you want to date her).

However, fact is you can't outright demand she stop talking to him, because you'll be perceived as a control freak and/or a jealous guy. No matter the discussion, it needs to be casual and nonchalant. If she accuses you of being jealous or stupid, you calmly tell her "no, I just think if you keep hanging out with him, then you still have feelings for him and maybe you two should think about getting back together, and I was just a rebound to you -- which is okay." If she agrees with this, then she's not worth your time since you probably won't be dating her. If she disagrees, then she'll admit how much she feels for you and how much you mean to her.

However, reality is that she probably still feels for him and would consider getting back with him, and this is not something you can change. She'll leave you for him if she really wants to, which is why you need to be cautious.

_________________
Before she can respect you, you need to respect yourself.

i've been in a similar situation as this so I can relate.

I wouldn't punish her just yet

if you're trying to date her, what I would do is to show her a little more investment. for example, make her feel like im not in it just for sex.

as long as youre in comfort mode with her, you can tell her how you feel about her, but be careful cuz you don't want to be too needy/clingy. Especially with a 9.5.

maybe she just feels that youre in it for sex and she was getting real feelings from her ex.

so long as you continue to invest a little more and not be needy at the same time, you should be good. dont be afraid to tell her that you genuinely like her and not because of her looks but rather other qualities which appeal to you

after you've done that and she feels mutual then you can talk about her ex and be direct

good luck man