Long story short, what do you do when a girl wants to downgrade your sexual relationship? Treat it the same as an actual breakup? Let's say you're in a pre-exclusive relationship (PXR) with a girl, and for whatever reason she wants to LJBF you. Do you take it in stride, and work "under the radar" and let your body language do the talking? Or do you freeze out and reframe later? Or should I be upfront about what I want and won't settle for anything less?

I had this happen to me twice in just the LAST THREE DAYS and I lost my two best sexual prospects. For specifics, read on. Not completely necessary though.

Situation Alpha - met this girl during the summer. By the end of the summer, things were sexual and had quite a bit of "boyfriend/girlfriend vibe" but never fclosed, though I can chalk a bit of this up to her being a virgin. We talked about dating but she didn't want to, so we kept it at PXR. When she returned to her college (90 miles away) attraction was still heavy at first ("I miss you. I really wish I had you to cuddle with right now. I feel lonely.."), then we stopped talking pretty much. Last weekend she came to visit and attraction was still there - we kissed, fooled around, she stayed over, but nothing "below the belt" like it was previously. Yesterday morning, she insisted on LJBF. I protested it, but we kissed and said goodbye. Shitty.
****My plan with her was to keep this interaction sexual, but obviously with distance I couldn't maintain attraction. The next time I see her I'm still going to escalate unless she has a boyfriend, but for now no contact is probably best.

Situation Beta - even more complicated. My ex came back into town, and was "sort of seeing" someone (her off and on exbf of last 3 years) long distance. We spent a good deal of time alone together, it quickly went to a FWB type situation, where we did bf/gf type stuff including sex. We are both single, and (it seemed she) really enjoyed everything, and things were going great until last Friday night. Someone told her long distance guy that her and I were fucking, and he said "me or him" - allegedly, she negotiated this to "no spending time with me alone". She came over today (alone) and insisted that she felt guilty about us having sex, and that we stop spending time alone together. I told her I didn't accept these terms, and she proceeded to go on some long conversation about her ex and why "he's the only one" and "sex with anyone else makes me hate myself" and whatnot. She wants to integrate me into her circle of friends. So no real resolution.
****My plan with this was to keep benefits up (the sex is great, and I'm not fucking anyone else close to her caliber at the moment) and continue hanging out alone, until one of us committed to someone else, or each other. I feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation; if I accept the terms, I'm giving her and long distance boy the power. And if I deny them... well, who knows. I'm a shitty friend? I lose the sexual relationship for good?

I know the easiest advice to give here is find another HB and fuck her. Easy to give, much harder to follow. Likely, both of these prospects are dead ends and I should just move on - but obviously, I'm not willing to give up so easily.

Something else worth noting is that I want to be able to show other/new women that even if things go awry from friend > fwb, that I still maintain friendships after the benefits end. But if I don't want those benefits to end, then shouldn't I respect what I want and make that clear? Currently, I have a long time best friend (who is more attractive than Alpha or Beta) that I've reconnected with, and working on moving out of the friend zone. I want her to believe that taking that risk won't ruin our friendship before I make a move.