I have talked about this in other threads but today, and for the last couple of weeks I have been "stuck" on this one girl I met who I can't stop thinking about whatsoever since I last saw her.

Short story is we met online — started sending lots of long emails to each other over a couple of months, and decided to meet in person. The only reason I even said hello to her in the first place was because she lived close to me (or so I thought). Turns out she had moved and not updated her info, but was going to be coming back to the area where I live after a summer away.

Against my intuition after she asked me if I would be interested in meeting up I decided to meet her halfway (6 hour drive) for a weekend of camping and fun. We are both athletic and into mountain biking, and my thought was that I would fulfill one of my childhood "fantasies" of meeting a hot mountain biker chick, go on a couple rides with her, and MAYBE have some other fun over the weekend.

I went into this with almost no expectations other than those. In fact the ONLY expectation I had was that I thought she might be too uptight for my liking, or something else. I needed a vacation, and so did she. We both came to the conclusion that the worst that could happen at this point was we both got a fun vacation out of it, but were both optimistic that we might like each other too.

That trip turned out to be one of the best (extended) weekends of my life. With no idea if I would ever see this girl again (her future is up in the air) — a couple weeks ago she decided to fly up and visit me in my town. Normally I would take that as an indication of SERIOUS interest — but in her case, she is a world traveler so I did not put that much stock into it.

Well — needless to say the weekend we spent together in my town was even better than the first weekend we spent together and she has blown my expectations away in every regard. The sex was flat out the best I've ever had in my life — and I had already resigned myself to the fact I would never meet a girl as good in bed as my high school girlfriend almost 20 years ago! The "number 2" spot on my all time best chart has been taken over a few times during my life — but I just resigned to the fact that one girl from my past was a once in a lifetime find and that I should get it out of my head I would ever meet someone so much fun in bed — which I had accepted this fact (in my mind) years ago.

So now, here I am sitting here and I shit you not — I can't go 5 minutes without thinking about this girl since she left. It is VERY up in the air if I am ever going to see her again, where she will be living in the near future (her original plans to move back up here to where I live may not pan out the way she expected, and I have a feeling they won't based on vague things she has said).

It wasn't just the most incredible sex I've ever had with someone in and of itself that has me so fucking obsessed with her — but her personality in general is fucking awesome, I mean I cannot think of a girl I have ever met who is as cool as her, makes me feel as comfortable around, and ALSO shares the same interests as me to the point where we both want to do the same things when we have time off (ie, biking, camping, hiking, exploring, etc etc).

I am not going to say this girl is "perfect" I am far from being that stupid. The long distance between us means that we only experience each other's good sides in my opinion. If she was a girl I could hang out with regularly I am sure I could find a bunch of "cons" for that side of my list regarding her.

However, I am ALSO smart enough to know I have been with SO MANY girls in the last 20 years and have fallen hard for only a few of them, but I've been in the game long enough to realize I've met someone here who completely rocks my fucking world.

I've met girls with the same interests I have who bore the shit out of me. I've met girls who are fun to party with and with whom I have a great time but never felt the level of attraction to be "obsessed" with. I've met girls who I had almost nothing in common with but had good sex with, and since she was hot I kept her around. I've had so many fucking experiences with so many different women I sure as hell know what I am looking for.

I got into all this PUA shit originally just to up my game so that I could go out there and "CHOOSE" who I wanted to be with instead of "SETTLING" for someone who I otherwise wouldn't want to be with. I want abundance in my life, I want to have fun and enjoy new experiences etc., have the confidence this shit brings and all of the good shit.

Do I want to be a player and bang tons of hot bitches? Well, if there's nothing ELSE out there then fine, I could think of much worse things to do with myself right?

But then I go and meet one who REALLY rocks my world like this and well…

To deal with this obsession, "oneitis," or whatever you want to call it I am…

Going out with as many new women as I can meet, and definitely tapped into the "FWB"/"FB" list because they say new pussy clears the mind — but right now it is not working AT ALL… I literally can't even stop thinking about this girl even if I am fucking another girl.

NOT calling the one I am obsessing about, texting (a lot) and being very cordial and not being all "I miss you so much blah blah blah…" and shit like that. I am very guarded in that respect with her because frankly I have learned the worst thing to do in this situation is to do what you WANT TO DO (which is confess how much I really dig her) and do the OPPOSITE (pull away).

I feel her kind of "pulling away" as well — but to me it seems like she is protecting herself because she is uncertain about her future and if we keep going down the path we are on and get even MORE emotionally attached to each other, then if her plans to move up this way don't really pan out it will be THAT MUCH harder to deal with. I certainly think she is trying to keep things cool until which time she knows what the fuck she is doing with her life.

I honestly think she may be just as crazy about me as I am about her, since she has said so much in a guarded sort of way just like I have.

My main reason for this post is this…

What the fuck can I do to get past this shit in my head? There is no way I am going to give up on trying to make this into something more. I am planning on setting up a trip for me to come visit her soon if I can work out the details (already mostly done).

I am not going to do anything stupid like let her know what is going on inside of my head and how fucking obsessed I am with her right now. The obsession didn't really kick in BAD until this last visit. I assume another visit with her is going to make me feel 1,000 times worse than this one.

I KNOW that I need to get it into my head that this is PROBABLY not going to work out long term — and if it were not for the fact we get along SO FUCKING WELL, and have the most fucking awesome sex ever, and there is ABSOLUTELY NO argument whatsoever about what makes a fun night out or something fun to do during the day (another VERY rare thing for me to find).

I feel like I am setting myself up to be depressed for the next 20 years since that is how long it took to find someone who actually knocked my best lay off the chart!

After I broke up with the high school girlfriend I shit you not — I DWELLED ON THAT SHIT in my head for WELL OVER 15 years before I finally got to the point where I stopped missing her etc — all of this being in my own mind and NEVER shared with anyone as I have been with SEVERAL women and been in and out of several relationships since then.

It took her finding me on Facebook after she got married and had kids for me to stop fantasizing about the possibility of somehow getting back with her someday — now that is completely gone and has been for years — but I see this new girl and the attraction I have toward her being so fucking powerful I am afraid of being stuck right back on that same path again!!!

How the hell do you get past that shit?

Right now I feel like I could go out and fuck a dozen 10+ hotties and not even be able to get this one out of my head.

The only lesson I have learned is that I will never meet a girl who doesn't live near me again — maybe not even for so much as a booty call because I never want to set myself up for this kind of mental anguish again.

I was very much against doing this in the first place — at least my intuition told me not to. I had JUST ENOUGH reason to talk myself into meeting her in the first place.

I had another long distance fling a few years ago that left me feeling VERY shitty for a long time (about a year or two) after it ran its course. Yeah, I was dating other girls and having fun, but could not stop thinking about that one. She had taken the #2 spot on my "all time" chart, which in my head was about as good as I could ever hope for LMFAO.

But the point is…

A lot of players define "oneitis" as being obsessed with a girl who's pants you have yet to get into, who you put on some pedestal (undeserving) because you think she is "perfect" for you.

In my case, the pants were off the first day we met, and I know enough about her and we have spent barely any time together, but have spent 2 extended weekends together in a span of a month and a half that were BOTH the most fucking incredible times I've ever had with ANY girl… EVER…

The MAIN reason I am obsessing so hard is because I am one of these personality types who would rather have a DEFINITE NO as an answer to ANY problem or situation than a "MAYBE" — even when "YES" is the answer I am looking for.

It can apply with a job interview, a girl, or ANYTHING in my life. As soon as I hear the word "MAYBE" or some other variation my mind locks into some obsession where I can't stop thinking about it until whatever it is takes its course.

I go on a job interview and if I flat out KNOW I didn't get the gig I am cool with it and can move on. If I flat out get a YES then GREAT!!!!

If the company takes 2 or 3 weeks and still tells me that they are "in the process of making a decision, you are still in the running, but we have not made a final decision on who we will call back for a second interview" — then I am FUCKED MENTALLY and won't be able to stop obsessing about the outcome from that moment on until I either get a YES / NO response.

What advice can any of you fine PUAs dish out based on what I just said?

-peace-

Fuck.. Shitty situation, been in similar. Truthfully man, in my opinion you don't have "oneitis" you have feelings for this girl, which for some reason in the PUA community alot of people try to categorize as something else. The fact that she flew to see you, and is making time for you are huge I.OI.'s. This could be a great LTR, tone back the "PUA" aspect of it, but don't let your inner game falter, REMEMBER! Pick up (Game) isnt a Hammer, it's a Scalpel. Use it as such.

Summary,
- Stop FTOW-ing.
- Stop freezing out
- Stop NOT BEING VONURABLE! (open up)

_________________
I don't f*ck fatties

I don't think there is any doubt in my mind I have feelings for this one pretty bad.

I was not out there looking for this to happen — nor am I upset about that fact. I am actually GLAD I found a girl I feel this way about because frankly I have grown a bit cold over the years with my experiences with women.

The main reason I am nervous about really opening up to this girl, more than I already have is because that seems to be what killed the last LDR I had found myself wrapped up in a number of years ago, and THAT example was a girl who I could drive to see in a half day who lived near where I grew up — where I have family.

I have 2 other prior experiences where I had feelings for a girl I was in a LDR with.

The first, I was immature, overly defensive, and the girl was an antagonist ALWAYS starting fights with me — where I felt the need to defend myself. Nowadays I don't give a fuck when girls start with that kind of shit. I was really needy, constantly telling her how much I loved her etc etc etc. We had been friends for 6 years before this LDR took place — but the most fucked up thing about it was we broke up the VERY DAY she moved back to my city. And we NEVER got back together. That makes a long story but then...

The second time I was in a LDR was more of a "rebound" right after a LTR had taken its course. She lived a half-day's drive from me. Anyway, we had been having a GREAT TIME for a couple months and I really started to have feelings for her and once I expressed that to her she backed the fuck up, more or less made it seemed like she was only interested in me for the sex — and all of a sudden stopped returning my phone calls within a DAY after we had been seeing each other for 4 months and traveling back and fourth to each other's place a 4 hour drive away to see each other all the time.

So this time I am apprehensive because I swore I would never do a LDR thing ever again, but here I am about to buy a plane ticket to go visit this one who has her hooks into me.

I can honestly say I have never had this strong of a feeling inside about a girl EVER. I have been trying to think of a time I have and I can't think of anything that even comes close to this shit.

On one hand I am currently surrounded by people who have had successful outcomes from LDRs and found the girl of their dreams that way — on the other hand I have had some bad experiences in that department that left me pretty fucked up in the head for a long time after they took their course.

This one feels as if it has the potential to go either way with pretty much no indication or clue as to which direction I should expect it to go.

I am not going to back out of it over the possibility of it turning out bad. That would just be stupid. I will take my chances since I am already invested in this. If it ends badly then I will deal with whatever I need to in my own mind. If it turns out to be something better than a long distance fling and we can find ourselves in a place to try the whole relationship thing out so be it.

I guess I am FTOWing as a way to "hedge my bets" because while I am not with any girls or meeting anyone who even remotely turns me on as much as this girl who has her hooks into me does — at the same time if things turn out really shitty with this one then having a backup plan will at least help me keep my mind off of it once it runs its course.

The last thing I feel like I should do is tell this new one how strongly I feel about her. I don't know if it will do anything to push her away or draw her in closer. I do get the sense that she does feel the same way about me. I really don't doubt it honestly, but she is such a free spirit and her career has to dictate where she will be living to some extent starting this fall — and that is the key factor in whether we will even be able to TRY having some sort of relationship or not.

She can't get any answers in that regard for another month or so, and I have a feeling while she really likes me — she is guarding herself against the possibility of having to move even farther away from where I live than she does now, which would pretty much kill this thing.

If there was a way I could "persuade" her to take a chance and find a way to move up near where I live then I would — but I can't pull a double standard like that because I have things tying me to where I currently live I cannot be expected to give up just like I cannot expect her to give up a career and be stuck with student loans that would otherwise be impossible to pay for.

This is hands down the most fucked up situation I have ever been in with regards to a woman. Part of me wishes I had never gone to meet her in the first place — but I really would never take those times together with her back either since I have never had more fun with a girl ever. That is an absolute fact.

Kinda having some writers block on another project and have a few minutes of down-time so I figured I would update this post.

It has been a couple of months since I updated this thread, and the way everything went down was pretty shitty indeed. I remember dropping her off at the airport thinking I would never see her again, even though she was still planning on moving close to where I live at the end of the summer.

Well, due to circumstances beyond either of our control she moved to essentially the other side of the country. In the lead-up to that I had broken down and "spilled my guts" to her, telling her how deeply I feel for her, and all of those sordid details. The shitty part is I truly do feel like this one is a once-in-a-lifetime catch, simply based on the TONS of women I have met in my life, NONE of which have elevated my senses to the level this one did.

The way everything went down, she has essentially told me she feels the same way about me — and from there that it is most likely our paths in life will never cross again, and the only thing we could even hope to have out of this is a permanent LDR situation, with most likely no hope of ever being in close proximity to each other (due to her career and my "tie-downs" where I live).

The fucked up thing is that neither one of us can pull the plug, just say "fuck it," and walk away from it. I have resigned to the fact in my head that the most this thing can ever be at this point is an "LDBC" (long distance booty call). The only thing we keep saying to each other is that we are in love with each other, yet neither one of us knows what the hell either one of us could possibly do that would allow it to go further "What do we do????"

It is like both of us want to just walk away from it and try to get over the feelings, but neither one of us CAN pull the trigger and just say "fuck it."

We've had a few arguments or "spats" over the long distance thing because we can't read each other's minds from afar, but nothing I would call serious, just total confusion on both our parts.

The whole situation just SUCKS — and whatever happens with this one, it is CERTAINLY the last "LD" ANYTHING I will ever let myself get into again.

When I first met this girl, I had already classified her as the "perpetual wanderer" from her history of moving around all the time (constantly moving all over the world). I typically avoid these girls when it comes to any kind of "serious" relationship and would only consider them a "BC" type of girl. Who wants to become intwined in a relationship with a girl you know isn't going to be around in 6 months?

The voice in my head before I met her the first time was there, albeit not as loud as it is now, saying I was breaking my "rules" of "no long distance relationships" and "no perpetual wanderers for anything aside from a booty call."

Live and learn.

The conclusion I have arrived at is that I am not going to "end" it with her, but I am not going to "pursue" it any further either. If we stay in touch and visit each other from time to time the sex will be out of this world, I will go through withdrawl when we part ways, and then go back to my life. I am not going to even hope this can be anything more at this point since the probability of that is slim to none.

In the meantime I never really cut out the other women in my life, the ones I would have shut the door on had things worked out differently in this situation. I've had 2 consistent FWBs to hang out with while this has been going on, and I do meet other women, but I can certainly say that the negative energy patterns in my head over this situation have snuffed out my game quite a bit lately.

In a nutshell, what would you all be doing to "get back on your feet" with your game and getting your head straight after something like this?

I feel like I need a few new faces in the harem to set my mind straight. While I am working on this, I can say that mentally I feel WORSE than when I found myself "newly singled" and I can just feel my negative energy KILLING my game every day.

You'll be okay. Think about it this way. What frame of mind were you in when you met her? You attracted an amazing girl when you were in a great FOM. Great girls won't waste there time on a depressed dead beat. From what I've read you're an awesome guy who has his head on straight don't pass up opportunities by sulking at home man. Try to put yourself "3 months ahead of now" and realize how insignificant In the grad schemes of things this is. You'll be okay man. Promise.

Cheers, Confidence.

_________________
I don't f*ck fatties

In all seriousness, I know I'm a noob on this forum so I my opinion is not that appreciated, but if you live your life afraid of being in a relationship forever, you are gonna be one sad old guy. Is it weak to fall in love with one girl? FUCK NO. Are you less of a man to have oneitus? Absolutely not. Its depressing to read your situation cause you are killing yourself. If she makes you happier than any other girl, then do whatever it takes to be with her. Its not "weak" to love someone. GO GET HER

I am definitely keeping my head on straight. The only people I really confide in about this stuff (in the world where people know my real name of course) are my closest friends. Otherwise I just put on my happy face and go through the day.

The only reason I ever got into "the game" wasn't to see how many chicks I could bang. I always had SOME natural game, and at one point in my life realized that ALL of the times where I was in a slump or felt like I had no game was due to the thoughts in my OWN HEAD that were not grounded in reality.

The short version is that I started working for myself and had to go out and find new clients all the time for my business. I had to force myself to be more social and come up with a "process" for meeting, attaining, and building relationships with new clients. Then one day a light bulb went off in my head saying I should treat meeting women the exact same way and I started coming up with a "process" I could revert to whenever I wasn't "feeling it." I am not the most social person in the world but I can force myself to be when necessary to get what I want!

Then, one day I stumbled on "The Game" around the same time that Pickup Artist show was on VH1 and had never heard of the "PUA" scene before — and realized it was just the same shit I had already started doing on my own — but I did learn quite a bit more because of that shit!

Anyway, back to the thread here — I am in limbo with her right now as to the right course of action. Like I said above I got into the game so that I could attract and meet the girl of my dreams one day, and if not then have a TON OF FUN in the meantime!

My mindset when I met this girl was "no expectations" — and it is a long story but we met online, talked every day for a couple of months, and decided to meet in person — an almost week-long camping trip! So, as much as I had no expectations in meeting her, I felt she had potential. I was already seeing a few other girls and was in the player mindset anyway. I was taking this as a fun vacation.

It was pretty much love at first sight with this one. She completely blew my expectations out of the water, personality, brains, gorgeous, best sex I've ever had (I had resigned the fact SEVERAL YEARS ago that I'd never meet someone who would 'de-throne' the current number one position on that chart) — but she did and resoundingly so!

So when you go and meet someone who rocks your world THAT BAD — all the girls I meet now just seem shitty in comparison. I told her it took all of my life to meet someone who blew my mind away as much as she did, and I assume I would go the rest of my life never having that happen again!

But so here we go, she moved to the opposite coast from me. We can only fly if we want to see each other. Neither one of us is in a position to move. I have children and I know people do crazy things, but she would lose major respect for me if I just "ditched them" to pursue this girl, so that would pretty much ruin both sides of my life there. Money-wise I could certainly make more money where she lives than where I live. I could justify a move in that regard and frankly there are LOTS more women where she lives now if things don't work out — and I would probably enjoy living there for awhile.

I am in no way shape or form SERIOUSLY contemplating this move, but I am weighing it as an option if I want to pursue this. I have already tried to get myself to break it off with this girl completely because if I just keep her around as a "LDBC" then it is just going to feel shitty every time we part ways. There is no indication from her, that in spite of the fact we are both crazy about each other that she would ever make a decision in her life that didn't put her career first — and she has lived all over the world (she is the "perpetual wanderer" I always try and avoid when it comes to anything beyond a FWB situation). She has told me that every single one of her relationships has ended the same way — she packs her bags, moves to another far-off land, they try and maintain a relationship and then one or the other gets sick of being long distance and they break up.

I don't want to be another one of her statistics in that regard, nor do I want to be with a woman where I need to pack my shit and chase her all over the fucking world every time she has the whim to move or her career forces her to pack up and leave. She has lived in EIGHT different cities in the last decade alone (and I actually think there are more I've forgotten about, it could be as many as 12).

The sad thing is that she is looking for a serious relationship! I flat out told her one day months ago "How do you expect to find a serious relationship when you can't even stay in one place for 6 months? Are you looking for some rag doll you can just throw in a bag and drag with you as you keep moving around the world?"

That is the main reason I avoid the perpetual wanderers and I meet those girls ALL THE TIME here. Girls constantly move to my city only to be focused on where they are moving next because my city is not what people would call a "desirable location" even though it is a great place to live and people DO love it here once they settle in for various reasons.

I think the personality type of the perpetual wanderer is in harmony with me because I would be the same way if I didn't have kids tying me down here though.

So I am kinda stuck here. I can't bring myself to "break it off" with this girl, I can't justify being in an exclusive relationship with a girl — who despite strong feelings, I haven't known a long time and have NO indication from her that a "relationship" with her would be anything BUT a long distance thing… EVER.

I am still meeting girls, having fun with a few of them, and doing things in that regard to keep me from going insane mentally. If I were to turn this into an exclusive thing, which honestly I would LOVE to do — I just don't feel like the "return on my investment" will ever materialize if I did.

I am not putting a time-table on my decisions here, as I want to see what opportunities and developments come by in my life and hers, but I am thinking that I need to make up my mind about the direction to take this thing sooner than later.

I'm also surrounded by people right now who have had the craziest relationship shit go down. One guy I know just married his dream girl he met in LONDON of all places. She left her entire family – a pre-arranged marriage which had yet to take place (her family dis-owned her) and moved to the US to shack up with him and they got married a few months later. From what I can see she is a total catch, one of those once in a lifetime girls you meet (in this guy's world) and so… I've seen crazy shit happen and work out for people. Another friend of mine got involved with a guy several states away where they had to fly to see each other and just moved in together and I am sure they are going down the wedding aisle soon. ANOTEHR girl I used to date a little bit literally gave up custody of her children and stopped fighting her ex-husband over custody and just let him HAVE the kids — moved out of state (still driving distance from her kids though) — and moved in with the guy of HER dreams and THEY are getting married now, and she seems happy as shit over the whole thing. I can tell you for a fact she was dead set against giving up her kids when I was seeing her, but now she seems happier than I've ever seen her. I don't think it makes her a rotten mother for giving up her kids like that. I think she just got to the point she just wants to be HAPPY — and said "FUCK IT" and opened up the door of possibilities.

I know I type too much shit when I add to this thread so I will end it here, but I don't know… Maybe in a few months I will have forgotten about this girl and met someone better! OR, some new development will take place that allows me to pursue this one. In the meantime I am just doing what I can to keep myself grounded, get things done in life, and still going out and meeting new girls all the time and just trying to see what else is out there — in an attempt to see if the feelings I have for this particular girl is just some infatuation or more than that. So far, I've met lots of new girls yet I am still fixated on the one I WANT…

However, I would have completely blown any opportunity with this new one had I not gotten myself into a better frame of mind overall, and have ways of dealing with what is going on in my head so I don't come across as weak and needy.