EDIT: Skip to my second post for more precision.

TLDR: I have FWB with ex girlfriend. FWB's long distance boyfriend is told we are fucking, and asks her to choose. Do you try to keep FWB, and if so what do you do?

I started seeing this girl (Diane) back in March. We had both come out of serious LTRs recently, and definitely were each other's rebounds and quickly became good FWBs. In May, she suggested an open relationship (mainly because we were 3 hours apart) but after about a month of this she broke up with me. We didn't talk all summer really, then she came back to college where I was and we quickly became FWBs again. Coincidentally, right after we broke up her ex-LTR (Jack) wrote a long apology letter to her and they started "talking" again. In her eyes, he is "the one", but they haven't gone back to anything official yet. When Diane and I started seeing each other, Jack had just bought a house halfway across the country, and now he's trying to convince her to move out there with him.

So keeping our FWB on the down-low (It would definitely piss him off if he knew we were fucking), we've managed things pretty well. We go shopping together, cook together, she cleans my apartment, we give each other massages and of course have (some really good) sex. This has been a great arrangement for me, since I basically get all the perks of having a girlfriend without having one - great for concentrating on school and pursuing other women. It also helps keep me from getting one-itis with anyone else, and I don't have any other potential FWB's on caliber with this one right now.

This wasn't a problem until last night. Someone told Jack that Diane and I were fucking... it's been passed off as a fabrication, but this made Jack tell her last night "me or him". Today, we went shopping together again and she did some cleaning, and we talked about things a bit. She hasn't made her decision verbal, but the fact that she's hanging out with me when "she's not supposed to" should be a good indicator that she hasn't chosen him yet. She's told me that before she came back to school, she "promised herself" that she wouldn't hang out with me or sleep with me. Oops

If you could defeat a woman with logic, it'd be simple. One of the reasons Diane and I started talking was about how toxic her relationship with Jack was. All of her friends and family express disgust over him, and even Jack's family wants to keep them apart. I know better than to do that though, I actually straw man him if anything. Right now, he can meet her emotional needs but I am (quite content with being) the "other guy" she can hang out with and sexually please her. I wouldn't say I'm in love with her, or want her back, but we certainly have feelings for each other. Its not the BEST sex I've ever had, but it definitely something very important to me. She's quite attractive (HB8-9) and the more we fuck, the more I learn about being better at sex. She's into quite a bit of kinky shit, and makes me a better lover. I wonder if my FWB with Diane ties me up emotionally/physically from other girls and setting me up for disaster when/if she gets back together with Jack... but otherwise I see no reason not to continue doing this as long as possible.

The question of course, is what is the best way to go about this? When Jack comes up in conversation, do I "straw man" him or just avoid talking about it? Should I give her a semi "freeze out" and let her figure things out? What does it sound like SHE wants?

For the record, I am seeing a couple other women (but not at fclose) and I have some emergency fat sluts I could fuck at any time.

you have feelings for each other, go and find another HB and bang her asap, if she chooses him the chances are u will feel fucked over. If you don't want to do this then get with her, I mean your always doing relationship stuff together and it seems to be the only girl your having sex with.
Don't do this, everyone has 'emergency fat sluts', but who wants to actually fuck them really? Personally, they would never help any situation for me such as these, and i'd more than likely regret it later on

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I do know 1 thing though, bitches they come they go

She is the only girl I'm having sex with right now. About a month ago, I fucked (several times in a weekend) my last HB, but literally the Monday afterwards she got exclusive with someone else.

I'm actively trying to "bang another HB asap", believe me. But of all my lays since starting pickup, Diane is by far my favorite (hence making her my gf previously) so she's great filler if nothing else for now.

Thanks for the reply. And the advice about the fat sluts, haha. Fatties need lovin too - just not from me

So I know this is hard to advise on, but figured I'd throw a little update in. Talked with Diane today, and she still wants to be friends but wants the sex to stop. She's had mixed emotions the whole time about sex, and admits that while it's a lot of fun it messes with her head too much. I joked "well, good thing I never bought those chains" and she said "mmnnn... that makes me wanna say 'one last time' but I know that's a bad idea".

It's pretty congruent, and I've heard it before. Logically, this whole time she hasn't wanted to be sexual, but her emotions have taken over when she's alone with me. I've always verbally agreed how us having sex was a bad idea, but also encourage her to "do what feels good" and get the most out of life.

I am definitely going to continue trying to get other girls. But I also have a gut feeling that with the right cards, I can get the benefits back with Diane. I can tell she definitely still wants to, but her logical mind is telling her not to. I'm not sure if I should reject the friendship without benefits (not congruent with what I've been saying) or accept it, but gradually get more sexual and use the "one last time" angle.

My tentative idea is one of these days when she comes over to clean, have ropes tied all over my bed and surprise her. She claims that logic does play a role in her decisions, and I can say "you SURE you don't want that one last time?" because the next step before this incident was wild full bondage sex. If I do something like this, how long should I wait? She's going to be over here almost every day this week to clean my apartment. And if she got so hot and bothered at me just mentioning chains... well...

My other idea is to basically freeze her out. Act friendly, but imply that I don't want her and try to get her chasing me. Make it difficult for her to get my attention when sex isn't on the table. This kind of feels like a dick move, and implies that without sex I don't hold much value in our friendship when I actually do. Again, not congruent.

Help me out guys! If you think I really should just "accept the friendship", back off her and move on, tell me. Personally, I think shes actually kind of torn between me and Jack, and it's "messing with her head" because logically she wants Jack and doesn't want to fuck that up, but the more her and I hang out (esp as FWB) the more she wants me. Her roommate told me that Diane even asked her "Do you think he and I should get back together or something?" She's even tried to involve her other friends in our activities, but as soon as we're alone it goes right back to sex. I just know that until her and Jack are officially "back together" she's going to continue having casual sex with at least someone and I want that to be me. I don't really mind sharing (because I plan on fucking other girls too) but I'd much rather be a part of her sexlife than not.

your little ditty about jack and diane is interesting for sure. the first thing you need to do is decide what you want from diane. and if you decide that the sex is important to you and that you have to have it, thats fine. dont back down from that. FWBs are exactly that and if you dont really want the friendship without the sex thats perfectly acceptable.

im fine with you freezing her out a little. maybe not freezing her out per se, but just let her chase you for a little bit while you continue to pursue other girls. dont be so availabe (unless she wants to fuck, of course), dont respond to all her texts and calls, have other plans/flake on her last minute sometimes when she wants to do her non-sexual hanging out stuff.

the most important part of getting with other girls is that itll help you see how you feel about her. if you start seeing another girl or two and discover that you dont really miss her, then let her go. if you start seeing another girl or two and really miss her than go after her. she seems to be there for the taking if you want her, but the window is definitely closing and shell be with jack permanently soon if you dont make a move.

First off, thanks a lot for the post, I really need some solid advice here and you gave it to me. Thanks for reading everything. I asked my (female friend) "what do you do when your FWB wants to be just friends but you don't?" and she said "Respect their wishes. Stop hooking up and just be friends." which does make sense, but as you pointed out it's also about respecting what I want. The last few days I've been doing exactly what you suggested with the freeze-out, and not being available.

I also agree with the getting with other girls part. I had actually been seeing another girl of comparable quality during our summer of no-contact, but when Diane came back into town and we hooked up again I realized that I really did miss her. Even if I'm not interested in getting back together at this point, I did miss the friendship and the sex for sure. Summer girl moved back to her college 90m away, and just recently LJBF'd me.

Also, I should update on events since my last post. After our talk, I said via text that our conversation wasn't over, and I hadn't accepted our terms. Until we talk, don't plan on (doing the non-sexual stuff). She offered to talk yesterday afternoon, but I told her I was busy studying for an exam. She asked me to come see her room (she had just rearranged it) after that exam, but flaked before I agreed to. Last night I asked her to proofread a paper of mine, and she did so via email.

A fourth party plays into this relationship as well - let's call her Suzy. I was with Suzy for two years before I met Diane, and after we split Suzy and Jack started dating. Yesterday I was talking with Suzy (she's long distance, communication is all via text) about Jack and Diane, and she gave me some "dirt" including something that neither Diane or I knew, something big. She fucked Jack while still in a relationship with me - AND while Jack/Diane were officially engaged. I've considered how I can use this information, but decide it would be best to keep it to myself right now as Diane/Jack would dismiss it as a lie most likely, and I don't have any real proof it happened. Jack and Diane have an off-on type relationship, and one of the big reasons she is willing to take him back is because to her knowledge he's never cheated on her. Diane and Suzy hate each other, if that wasn't obvious. What should I do with this new information?