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Alright, so about a month ago, I had this great night with a girl that I've had my eye on for a while. I took her out, we danced, we had some drinks, then I brought her back to my house and we did everything but sex -she was on her period -__-. Anyways, great night nonetheless. I had her from 1AM-6AM, and then had to take her home before my parents woke up. When she got out of my car SHE kissed me before she got out. So, after that night we texted a bit, and then she didn't really text back much, so I stopped.
For future, be mindful that women often want to feel pursued. This has nothing to do with wanting to be put up on a pedestal. In fact, the majority of women DO NOT want guys to do this and often their attraction towards a guy engaging in such behavior will dissolve upon doing so. For the most part it is good to pursue women, it makes them feel value, and validated. Don't let your ego dictate your behavior. The so-called 'Alpha' isn't concerned with how he'll be perceived via text, phone, etc (he's always himself, his true authentic self shines through in whatever he does). Next time send that text if you feel like it, even if you haven't heard from her for days or haven't gotten a response from her from you last msg. The key here is you're being non-reactive (not non-responsive) - her not responding to your last text doesn't even register in your mind as rejection as you know you're of high value, and can create opportunities with other people virtually as easy as you can snap your finger. Ok, that was a mouthful!
Here are the mistakes I think I made:
-I sent her a letter to invite her out again. I thought she'd like it because she responded very well to a sensitive statement I said. She responded via text with -"I got your letter!!! I wish you would have told me sooner about hanging out Friday, but I already got plans! =\"
I don't see your sending a letter to her as a mistake, if it came from a place of neediness, then likely you'd have projected that through the behavior and/or letter's content itself. If you were simply appealing to something she liked in a non-placating way, then your letter was well thought-out and genuine. Her not being able to hangout with you was quite possibly a logistical thing (e.g., she'd already made other plans), don't read into it so much.
-So around the next day or two I visited her at work. AND I FUCKING LINGERED. I know I did. She has a little counter she works at that people come and pay for items. I was talking to her, and I fucking know that I was trying too hard...trying to make her laugh, trying to be witty, I thought talking to other people would help since I can spark convo with almost anyone. I just didn't know what the fuck I was doing -my game was so much worse back then!
By trying less hard, you are more likely to exude confidence (ironic huh!). Why be someone you're not. If you are engaging others, making others laugh, you are doing it for YOU (you want to be more social, you want to humor yourself and share what you find funny with others, not the other way around - NOT I want to make people laugh so they like/approve of me
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-Either that same day or another day I had asked her "are we going to hang out again?" Her response: "Idk, I'm a lady, I don't make the plans." Basically throwing the ball into my court. And shit, I also remember that I said at some point, you're so sarcastic and hard to read or something like that, and she said "awww are you going to cry??" Fuck....So about twice via text I invited her out the next few days or so. The first reply was an "I already go plans" reply", the second- no response
She wants you, the man, to take the lead. She's actually goading you into doing so "aww are you going to cry??" because the last thing she wants is an indecisive, reactive guy - this was your cue to man-up and take initiative in making the plans. The vast majority of women want the man to lead, this is social conditioning (men ACT, women REACT). I think she was getting fed-up with your soft, uncertain approach and the door of opportunity was being shut. Women can be funny creatures, one moment they'll give you an opportunity, and if not acted upon the very next that opportunity is taken away never to be given again. Next time this happens take the hint and roll with it - even better don't let this happen again, TAKE INITIATIVE IN ASSUMING THE LEAD!
-About a week ago I commented on her fb throwing out a small neg, and she responded playfully. And I responded slightly witfully, but no response....then I sent her a text that we should go to a comedy show the next day, but it was late when I did it....
Alright guys, WHAT THE FUCK should I do??? Is there any chance of redemption? I just always think about her, we had a great night...I just really want her.
I'd like to think there's always a chance for redemption, but honestly that's up to her. At this point she may have you pegged as indecisive, unsure-of-himself guy, or how PUAs would frame it as the Beta-type. While I don't think its impossible to win her favor, you'll have to approach her as a re-invented type of guy. She will likely be shocked if you come out the gate as more the more aggressive, confident type, but at the same time I think that'd be a good thing (just expect for her to be incredulous and testing you a bit to see if that's really who you are, or just an act). You can try approach her with the Prize role (you're the one being pursued, misinterpret what she says in a sexual way as though she's trying to f*ck you), but intersperse with moments of seriousness. I think the key here is that you need to exude decisiveness when speaking with her, be affirmative, don't pussy foot around things. Yea it's nice to show the girl your soft side but if the attraction has waned completely, which is probably has in this instance, you need to first focus on building that back up before writing letters, poems, or playing songs on your guitar outside her bedroom window on a Sunday morning.
CHAT