first post here,i need some help...i will be as brief as i can.

4 months ago i started dating a girl.Our relationship was and still is very good.At the same time i have a crisis in my family and i have been very depressed(but never with her).Yesterday i started crying in front of her...i think it was some sort of nervous breakdown.She wasn't the only one,her best friend was there too.My depression and sadness was just to much and from whatever reason,i snapped. alcohol helped too. I never cried in front of anyone,not even at funerals....this is so weird to me.

Now i think our relationship will be in peril.I feel as she is slowly distancing herself from me.This might be even unconscious. I feel like this destroyed our chance for a future.It has somehow changed the balance of our relationship.

I want to fix it,i want her to forget this and respect me again. I am not a whiny person,i consider myself strong and motivated...but i'm still human. I don't want her to feel as she is taking care of me.I want her to be my equal...

So,the question is,how do i make her respect me? I have given her a lot of reasons to do so,but i think that this incident set us back a lot...what should i do?

I am no expert on psychology, but personally, I think you should address this issue that's making you depressed before you even begin to worry about what your girlfriend thinks of you.

Once that's dealt with, you can go back to being a fun person, and someone that people want to be with. Nobody wants to be with a person that is emotionally crippled.

The part I put in bold is spot on. You are human. So you showed a little emotion and chose to let it flow, so what. It's healthy. You are as you say 'still human' afterall.

As for the relationship. I cannot stress this next point enough. If you chose to make this a big deal, it will turn into one. The way you precieve the situation will only handicap you or benefit you. You shouldn't have to justify the way you felt nor make it a big deal. You were having problems and it was building up inside.

My personal advice is, if it is effecting you to the point where you feel you cannot be yourself around your girlfriend, talk to her. Tell her your situation and how it was building up and the other night you just had to release it all (if this is true). For this to work you have to be honest. You're only human and even men at times need to release their emotions. It shows the sensitive side within you.

^ This all will be based upon how you chose to take it. You can make this work in your favour if you accept it for what it was. An emotion. Again, you have to be honest. Tell her how it is.

Finally assuming you have lost her respect is wrong. You do not know this. I can understand why an incident like this would lead you to believe that but assuming they have is not the way to go about it. It can even make the littlest of details escalate into bigger paranoia. For example, she didn't text back. She must not love me anymore.

The main point here is even though you chose to release some emotions and cry, it's not the end of the world. You still love your girlfriend (I hope) and want to continue seeing her. If however you see it as she has lost respect and you desperately try to fix it (something that may not even need fixing), that will only drive her further away. It shows you are insecure.

As I've stated before, talk things through with her and be honest. Communication is the key. She is your girlfriend and she will understand.

It might help to work on your Inner game. It will help you build your confidence and perhaps help with eliminating your depression. Meditation could also work.

- Kang

EDIT: Half my post kept disappearing. Resolved the problem. Apoligies for the several editing attempts.

I understand what you're going through. With relationships there are 3 things, the two individuals and their personal history, and the relationship itself. By working and improving yourself you'll undoubtedly improve the relationships you are in. If you feel you are dealing with depression then it would be a good idea to seek out help of some kind. There must be a local resource number in your area which gives referrals to non-fee based organizations offering group and/or individual services tailored to your specific needs. Often religious venues such as churches and community centers do offer such services, as well as myriad of group settings (meetup.com may be a good place to start). Expressing emotions is healthy, diluting them with alcohol, or other substances is not and often makes matters far worse. It's good you're honest with yourself that you are currently dealing with a lot of strain, and open to receiving help.

I've also been through some hard things with my family, so I understand how much these things can get on top of you and affect your relationships.

I doubt very much if she has lost respect for you. If she has then she must have a fairly warped value system. I'm guessing it's more a case that she is unsure how to proceed with you as she is used to looking to you for strength as those are the traditional roles. You could perhaps address this by asking her how she felt when she saw you cry and what she thought about the whole thing - show that you are still her strong man and that you care about what is happening for her, but without denying the reality of what happened. If you start by focusing on what's happening for HER in this situation then she will also have the chance to focus back on you. She's probably worried that now she'll be carrying YOU because of what you're going through, so you need to show that you're still there to be supportive for her, but that you're also open to receiving her support if she wants to offer it.

Sorry you're having a rough time man, and as someone else said, addressing your own issues must still be the priority.

Its okay to released your sadness and depression on your love but also show that you are strong and you know to your self that you can passed those crisis on your life. And all you need to do is talk to her to fix your problems.

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