So I met a girl online (HB9) a few weeks ago and exchanged a few emails which she seemed to enjoy getting. Not long after she suggested we meet up for coffee. The first date went extremely well. We talked for ages and the next day she said she was speechless (in a good way ) and could not wait to see me again.

I arranged another date a few days later on the weekend and during that time she was texting me quite a bit saying how excited she was. After that date I kiss closed and she came over to my place the next day where she snuggled into me.

However, the following week I didn't hear much from her. I tried to setup a date for the following weekend but she already had plans. I asked if everything was ok and she told me that her previous relationship (that was a couple of months ago) had hurt her and the guy she was with was a bit odd. Being invited over to my place so soon was weird for her although she enjoyed it. I then tried to organise a date for the weekend but she had plans. I told her to contact me when she was free. At this point I assumed things had fizzled out.

Then about 4 days later she initiated a friendly, playful text message. I responded and soon enough she told me just that she was terrified of letting me in and had self sabotaged things in the past which she had to regret. She said that she may actually be able to see me on the Friday evening. She came over to mine and we watched DVDs and she snuggled into me again. I did not make any moves to ensure she felt comfortable.

The next day she texted me and told me not to worry about that self sabotage stuff as she felt very comfortable with me and liked me a lot and that she no longer wanted to go at a snails pace (in reference to the last week where she had not communicated with me much). She then invited me over to hers on the Sunday for more movies. During which we got quite intimate and just stopped short of actual sex as she wanted to get some "landscaping" done first. However, the following week it was that time of the month and I decided to organise a romantic picnic at the beach which went perfectly. During the week she sent me a lot of sexual text messages. Then a day or so later she texted me saying she had been looking over my FB and figured out who my old ex was. She said she that it killed her sex drive and it seemed to stir up past worries with her ex, who, it now appears dumped her and she knew that I had dumped my ex. She later apologised for being a bit crazy.

I organised then a date for Sunday to come over to mine. On Friday night she was coming past my way and wanted to stop in and snuggle. She later texted me she would only be able to come over late around 11pm and maybe we should leave it for Sunday. I said I was keen but it was up to her as I knew it was late for driving. She then texted me again saying she would be over a bit earlier and I said sure come over then Only for me to get a text message 10mintues later saying that with such low enthusiasm from she would just head home. In my head I was like WTF but messaged and tried to call her saying I was keen (I thought maybe my message had not gone through).

She came over and everything was good again. On the Saturday she was being sexual suggestive again and on Sunday before she came pretty much told me she was ready for sex. After watching a movie for an hour I made a move and we had sex. That being said, it wasn't great sex on her part and she seemed to not really be getting into it (I have had lots of sex so I know what I am doing in case you are wondering ). Once we stopped she started crying.... I comforted her for a good half an hour and she said that if I was angry with her she would I go. I reassured her and she stayed the night. The next morning she said that it was "too much, too fast, too soon". But she seemed happy to no rush off although she didn't really snuggle into me.

She did initiate a text on the Monday but did not reply to mine. I tried again the next day to organise a date but she said she was busy on the weekend. I told her to contact me when she was free. Next day she said said she was free on the Thursday so I organised to go out for dinner. I backed off quite a bit with her but did some small kino here and there. Towards the second half of the dinner she seemed to be more relaxed and into me. There were some IOI from her. I ended up kissing her again as we said good night.

The following day I sent a light hearted message but she did not really respond. I ceased contact with her and made myself busy. Them on the Sunday evening she initiated a message saying that she hoped I had good weekend and would I be interested in catching up again soon.

I waited a bit and replied that I would. I asked when she was free which was during the evenings and so I invited her to come to mine (I was interested to see if she felt comfortable with snuggling still) she said that driving to mine was too exhausting so I said I could go to hers which she replied that she didn't want to be stuck at home and that DVDs were not interactive enough. I then mentioned a stack of other things we could do and she agreed to the golf driving range (she likes golf).

I guess at this point though I was a bit tired of the hot and cold from her and started to feel lead on especially with how distant she had become towards me. Perhaps I was just there to fill the void of her ex or she just wants to be friends.

I decided to go the direct approach (bad I know) and said that the last week her enthusiasm dropped and if she was no longer than interested in me to just say so. Her response seemed a little defensive and said she wants to go slow and that having sex so soon was a mistake. She finished by saying if I was not happy with going slow then fair enough.

My response was to tell her I was fine with slow (as I had said previously) but told her I did not want to be lead along. That going from fast to slow to fast to slow was confusing. She replied asking when had things gone form fast to slow to fast to slow and said she though everything had been going fast. I responded by pointing out where but she has not replied after a day.

Really not sure what I should do next? Does she have too much emotional baggage from her ex which she is not over? Am I getting friendzoned? Should I just be patient or should I cut her out now? Any help would be appreciated

She definitely still has a lot of emotional baggage from her ex, and yes, I do feel that she is using you to fill the void for now. You are her rebound relationship, and those hardly ever work. Don't allow yourself to be used for that reason; you're worth more than that.

You have two options:
1) Become emotionally detached (fair warning: it's much easier said than done) and keep trying to have sex with her. This is mutually beneficial as you get laid plus it helps her through her issues. But you have to be 100% willing to accept that she will probably not end up staying with you in the end. If you have any feelings for her at all, this is not the way to go.
2) Tell her that you understand she is not at a place in life to be dating you right now, and that you wish her the best of luck but you are not going to see her anymore. After that, cut all contact. This will save you from getting hurt in the end.

Thanks for the reply. That is what I feared. I should add before you replied that I did send a message asking which night would suit her for the driving range. She said she had some exams that popped up and asked could she get back to me. She ended up texting me the same night asking if I was free on the Friday to go.

I said yes and kept my reply funny and light. However, then on FB I noticed she posted up a photo of herself in a new bikini saying she wanted to go to the beach on the weekend and any takers. She was probably more asking for her female friends, but, considering I took her to the beach for a picnic last week where she mentioned that we have to go back for a swim again soon and that two weeks ago she was down there with a friend and was texting me wishing I was there with her, I decided to let her know I saw the photo and that I would take her (with a wink). Yet to hear back...

I guess my main reason is it is a test. If she is not keen to go to the beach with me then I think going to the driving range is a waste of time.

As far as I am concerned when two people are excited about each other things do go fast and that is just the flow. Nothing has been forced and now she is putting up barriers. I think it is a bit unfair of her to expect me to pretend like the last few weeks haven't happened.

Regarding the options you suggest I think you are on the money.

As for 1) I don't think I can emotionally detach myself, especially after having had sex and her being so interested in me initially. We really did hit it off.

I guess normally when I see a girl I go in with low expectations to keep myself getting too attached. The way she came on to me really caught me off guard and I admit I have got myself a little caught up in her. She is also the hottest girl I have been with, although, she is not the best in bed . I think getting sex again would be difficult. She is quite a prudish girl and doesn't whore herself out although she admitted that she is a sexual person and enjoys sex often once in a committed relationship.

2) I think this may be the path to go depending on the response I get regarding the beach. I find it hard to go backwards. It kinda feels like a rejection even if it is not and yet there is still that little bit of hope that maybe if I go on another date I can win her interest back. As it is, I broke up with my ex of about a year a couple of months ago and although I have moved on quickly from that it did hurt at the time and I could do without anymore pain.

I certainly am suffering from one-itus. Unfortunately, I don't have many options open to me to meeting new girls nor in the near future.

Oh, one other thing, she had gone out for a friends bday a day or two ago with around 20 people. The next day on her FB was some dork made a comment about dancing with her. She responded quite enthusiastically and he suggested they grab a coffee or breakfast some time which she seemed keen for. I assumed they were friends. However, she also sent out a post to maybe 30 friends to invite for a ball (I was not one of them) and this guy asked why she had not invited him which she she replied was because they were not friends on FB when she made the invite. Thus they must have just met. Obviously we are not together so she is free to do what she wants but it irks me that she was a lot more friendlier and enthusiastic towards him (although not sure if there is much in it as he is far less attractive. That being said she does go for "intellectual" guys and so who knows).

i would unfacebook her immediately. it is like looking through a window to her life and watching others participate whilst you are not being invited in.

For anyone interested in what ended up happening. She contacted me saying she was broke this week and couldn't do golf. So I suggested the beach again but she said she had assignments to do... I then said did she want to catch up any time in the next week otherwise I will give up soon.

That grabbed her attention and she queried what I meant by give up soon. I didn't respond but then a few hours later she called me. She sounded quite angry and was having a go at me saying I was pressuring her etc. I calmly explained that I felt lead on and that while I was ok with slow I could not just ignore the past few weeks. I did not know exactly what she expected of me. This only seemed to make her more angry and she said maybe we should not see each other if that is how you feel. I said yes, I don't think we should see each other anymore. I tried to say goodluck with her future endeavours but she hung up on me lol.