I tried asking this in a more complicated manner but what it amounts to is this:

Been having performance anxiety and I've fooled around with this chick for awhile now and only been able to get it in once, for like a minute (and this was raw). I gamed her to near perfection in everything else but intercourse itself.

She wants to hang out at the end of this week. We have to use a condom this time. I plan on lubing the thing up so my dick slips in even when semi-hard.

But my question is:

If I blow her mind with oral this time, will intercourse performance matter so much less?

Can oral satisfy her enough to get her back in the sack time after time?

what mindset do you find works best? I tend to have the "damn this is the hottest girl I've ever fucked, and I want to keep fucking her so this better be good" mindset even though in person I act as if she is lucky to be with me.

Should I go in like a prime Mike Tyson, thinking she's nothing special and I'm going to conquer all amped up?

Or should I try to relax, get in the moment, ect, but sometimes this still doesn't work for me.

A big thing is, this girl expects me to get a raging hard on without touching/jerking my dick at all. That isn't how it works! We can make out, I can give her oral, ect, but when she reaches for my dick if it isn't hard she kinda moves away as if she is embarrassed to jerk me from when I'm soft.

I also started taking horny goat weed lol. Don't know if the stuff will make a difference

I had this problem once. OK the first bit of advice is more or less useless but anyway: Don't work yourself up too much about it beforehand.

Told you it was kinda useless.

Don't masturbate for a 2-4 days before you next see her, this will help a lot.

Last resort there is a herbal viagra available in all sex shops. If you're the slightest bit aroused it WILL make you rock hard. If you feel embarassed about asking for it tell them you do porn.

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thanks for the help guys. I plan on doing the following:

Takin that damn horny goat weed and taking a double dose the day of lol

Not masturbating

Telling her what I like (I have said to her "I need stimulation" before, but it didnt really work. Maybe I'll say something like "you get me hard, I'll fuck your brains out")

Eating her out for a long ass time and making her come no matter what (I have done this before and she didn't come, which is weird because in the past I get them to go pretty easily with just fingers, nevermind my mouth)

When I throw that rubber on, I plan on using a little lube on top and keeping the stimulation going, and it will also help to slide it in even if I am semi-hard I guess.

I plan on adopting an i don't give a fuck attitude as if I had nothing to lose, as well as just being animalistic as If I need to taste her body or something.

Is this chick attractive to you? Also find out what it is that really turns you on. For some it's looking in her eyes, others making out, others her legs, for others it's just being close and holding her tight.

And yes, don't masturbate, no porn ever again. This could be a result of too much porn, too. Make sure you cut it out for good.

Yeah man, before about two weeks ago I had looked at porn on a daily basis quite a bit. Like having jerk SESSIONS and shit. I think you are right having this be the cause, because I'm not THAT nervous around her.

I hope I'm not screwed for good with this one, because I've heard it takes time to recover from this type of conditioning.

I can't just up and tell her "well I wanna fuck but I've been watcing porn 3 times a day with multiple orgasms each time for years, so I can't get hard for you, but just be patient!"

My one saving grace has been once I'm inside of a girl, I can control the stimulation so I stay hard (without a condom) or stay hard for a decently long time like 5-7 min (condom)

An Italian guy I know says he takes Cialis(even tho he doesn't have problems). Says he fucks like a pornstar

TonyKing is correct. Enjoy every bit of being with her, enjoy her tongue swirl in your mouth, her open legs hooked around you as she never wants to let go, her bare arched back rising up and down, holding her tightly, your crotch rubbing sensually against hers, feel her skin and grab it, grope it. Kiss her neck, she likes it, then lick it. Finger her slowly, making her even wetter than before, and hear her breathing heavier beside your ear with complete and utter enjoyment. She wants you, no one else but you, and you want her, no one else but her. Go back to her mouth, kiss the fuck out of her, you're both wet everywhere. Grab her legs and push against her, that's where it's supposed to go.

Is this not making you hard???

^^ Worked on me..

Seriously though I have had a similar experience bro. Porn induced ED is real trust me so I suggest quit whackin it and watching porn altogether. I understand sometimes there can be a bit of anxiety before sex but look at it this way..she likes you, she wants your dick, your about to get laid..so why be tense? just calm down you'll be fine.

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I just hope I've had enough time away from it for the whole dopamine not turning me on to go away. I've read about Porn induced ED........

it says it could take freakin months. Clearly she isn't going to put up with this shit for months. what do I do in a worst case scenario? You think she'll stick around if I make her go with my mouth?

Despite this dopamine receptor talk making it hard for erections without direct stimulation, you think if I tell her to wack me off and throw the rubber on I'll be fine? Can I get over the stuff in my HEAD even if my body is fucked, or am I just going to have to wait

OK guys. Some new insight. Hung out with her.

She had her period today, so there was no pressure for intercourse.

We did other stuff, of course, and I kept getting decent erections with no stimulation from her. I was the most calm with her I ever have been, and she even said "why can't you be like this all the time, you tease" jokingly.

Can we rule out Porn induced ED from what I just said?

I mean who knows if I would have kept it up if we went to throw the rubber on, but I felt like I would have. I thought porn induced ED was like an addiction where you would NEVER get hard except to porn.