I've come to a conclusion that oneitis is an addiction. Any professional/book that deals with addictions will tell you that the best way is to occupy your mind/time with something else. This is what I did to successfully overcome my oneitis:
Quote:
I never had trouble with getting over ex-girlfriends but once. My oneitis was eating at me hard. Had sex with 8 women in the next 3 weeks. Still didn't help me since I was being a bitch and couldn't overcome my feeling of "wtf went wrong? I loved this girl and still do." Being with other females was the problem I had. Shit just reminded me of "the one."
From further analysis, I decided to occupy my mind with other things. Literally write yourself a plan of how YOU can improve. This might seem silly but it worked well for me. I wrote out my fields as: intellectually, athletically/health, artistically, other. Then I wrote out activities that could interest ME in each of those fields.
For example:
Intellectually: reading, going and playing at a chess club, reading news, going to an interest club/gathering.
Athletically: gym, jogging, sport club, swimming, hiking, backpacking, yoga
Artistically: museums, art galleries, theater, painting, drawing, playing a musical instrument, going to concerts
Other: traveling, dance classes, cooking, going out to eat, going to a firing range, collecting something
Then I picked what I would like to do. Wrote out goals and a time frame by which I would like to accomplish something in each of those fields. I included career in my list since I'm a business owner and set my own hours. Another important field is Aesthetics which include you improving your wardrobe and keeping your hygiene at a top level. Always be neat. Also the way you present yourself (i.e. posture, voice projection)
Doing all of this helped me very much forgetting my ex. You are improving yourself and doing everything that YOU want to do. People will flock to you from each of these fields. I took 8 different varieties of dancing, and from each was constantly invited to social dancing parties. Met people when I went out to eat by myself (of course I had confidence so I was the one approaching), met people at art galleries and concerts, visited few countries and met people there, met people at different clubs.
All of these things will make you feel better about YOURSELF as a person and will bring you confidence. Just pick things you like and remember that your life isn't over. You have to keep on becoming the better you.
Besides, being interested in yourself and your activities and wanting to succeed in them will make girls come to you.
The hardest thing is to organize yourself. Best of luck!
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A morning of awkwardness is far better than a night of loneliness.
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