Hi.

I met a girl a few months ago. We talked a few times, exchanged facebooks and I had a very good feeling about her. But I didn't really do anything until now.

I called her out on friday.

She said "maybe", so I waited till friday.

She didn't get back to me, so I figured the best thing to do would be to delete her.

Now, after I deleted her, she contacted me with "Why did you delete me?"

What should I do?

"just tidying up my FB. who's this?"

Sounds really harsh.

I mean, we do know each other for 2 - 3 months. We did communicate at least 2 - 4 times in real life.

Do you really think this is the proper way to react?

obviously this is incongruent for you, there is no ''proper way''

this girl has a clear persception of who you are up to this point, anything that doesn't come from you will seem fake, you should do what you deem that you want to do, act how you feel, what do you intend to do with this girl, how can you express how you feel about that to her?

basically ask yourself the question, ''what do I want to do?'' (don't confuse this with, ''what does she want me to do?'')

just because I'd say something retarded like, ''CAUSE YOU TOUCH YOURSELF AT NIGHT!!'', or ''CAUSE I HOPE YOU DIE OF CANCER '' followed by a re-add to friends

doesn't mean that my retarded sense of humour and push-pull, will suit you, since I say random retarded shit from point A-Z of meeting a person and if they can't handle my personality I weed them out of my life, doesn't mean that my personality will suite you for a coarse of action (make sense?)

you have to find your own way, the words are nearly irrelivant, it is what is behind what you are saying and the personality you project, up until this point she has known you for a considerable amount of time, WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY SAY TO CHANGE HER PERCEPTION OF YOU AND MAKE A DIFFERENCE??

have you even tried being honest with her about what you want?, how does she know you? are you that nice guy who just sits back hoping she will do everything for you like some magical rainbow sunshine fairytail where the girl proposes to the man on a dragon's back? are you that guy who never once shows a hint of interest, never once says anything out of line?, waits weeks and weeks just to ask for a phone number or invite her out, only when you know it is 100% safe to do so, risk free, then get all depressed when she doesn't do what you wanted? do you get all tangled up in the fineite details of what she is thinking or assume she isn't interested and start pondering the many reasons for why she isn't interested? or starts doubting yourself before you have began or after one little bump in the road? do you start woundering why she is getting confused at your behavior when you get mad and distant when in her mind she has done nothing wrong? do you think maybe she is getting confused because she has no idea at all that this is important to you and doesn't understand how you feel?

if all these questions above don't hit home, dis-reguard them

at this point, she either likes you or she doesn't, you either want her in your life or you don't, it's time to start making your own descisions, and allowing yourself to fuck up so you can get experience, no one can hold your hand and fuck a girl for you, you can get a general idea of how others do it for themselves, but you are you, you are not mystery, you are not random69dude off some pua forum, you are not your dad, you are you, make a move man, tell this girl what is up, she asked you a simple question, it deserves a simple answer

if I were to make a guess as to what frame you are holding, you might want to try

''do you even consider me a friend?''

keep the focus on her, and off you, really get to the bottom of things and communicate with her, listen to what she has to say, and converse from that point

GOOD LUCK

beautiful. pumpington, can you please offer me some advice on my latest thread? thank you.

Thanks pumpington, I've read your post many times. I want to get this girl, but it seems like I'm on hard - mode now.

One possible conversation I hold in my head is the following.

Me: "do you even consider me as friend?"
Her: "yeah."
Me: "ok, so what do you think - why do you act so unavailable?"
Her: "..."
Me: "you know I called you out about 2 - 3 times so far, and every time something came up. I like you, but I dont like people that arent direct, which is the reason i defriended you. If you have something to tell me, do it now."
Her: "..."

Ok. So at this point, she or I will probably re add her.

And then we'll probably set up some coffee.

And this is the part which I absolutely don't like.

This coffee itself will look so artificial, as if I had to go through so much drama just to get her on coffee.

I don't think that's what I want: an artifical, forced date (because thats how it looks like to me at this point).

Also, I don't think that saying more then "I like you" is neccessary. I mean, seriously, admitting some feelings other then that would be, IMHO - dumb at this point (thats all I feel towards her, anyway, so It's the truth, and thats how I want to do it).

Any thoughts on this or advices are welcome.

throughout the whole of this you was asking her to put value on you. This was so needy.

Me: "do you even consider me as friend?" translates to "am i good enough to be you're friend? Can we be friends?" She only said yeah out of politeness

She messaged you first which means she wants to be your friend and such, but you ended up showing that you put a lot of effort in to removing her as a friend by putting more value on her rather than yourself.

You should of took pumpingtons advice, i mean 'CAUSE I HOPE YOU DIE OF CANCER '' i think is a bit to far lol but u should of took into consideration what he said.

_________________
I do know 1 thing though, bitches they come they go

I didn't respond yet, that was just a conversation I wrote to see what you think.

But I think I know in which direction to go after the "because you touch yourself at night".

I'll act cocky / funny / like I don't really care / barely noticed I deleted her as I was just cleaning up my fb.

in theory you could do a lot of things and depending on the girl you could either cool things over or piss her right off

- apologise and re-add
- i am sorry who are you?
- tell her the reason why
- say that well you havent spoken in a while
- i was cleaning up my fb

_________________
life sucks and then you die! deal with it

What is the point of cooling things over if afterwards I wont get where I want with her?

I don't want to cool things over. I want to turn things around so she stops fucking with me and stops pulling my nose.

Update!

I responded to her with

"because you touch yourself at night"

and she said

"well okay :/".

Any advice on what next?

meet more girls and keep practicing, right now the frame is needy, but at least you held some congruence

next time you try to facebook game someone, just make sure you actually know them decently before you ask them out, and see what they like doing before you ask them out so you have mutual grounds to meet on, and if they seem unsure and give you a ''maybe'' don't except that, find out when a maybe is a yes, and double check with them that they can make it for sure so you don't make other plans, if they flake on you, don't get all depressed about it and butthurt then remove them or punish them or what ever (unless it is hard for you to not think of them and you do it for yourself)

instead just let it be, leave them alone, meet other girls/keep your time occupied, and forget about them until a day you are bored and want to hit them up, not to get something from them, just because you would enjoy it and want to bring that enjoyment to them, chat them up for your own entertainment when you are bored for fun but leave the ball in their court unless something of interest naturally comes up and you feel like inviting them out to do that thing cause it would be fun

you will get the hang of this eventually, but the idea is, you have to believe in yourself and be certain of what you want to do, and why you are doing things, not necessarily what you want from other people, you don't have to get anything from anyone, when you ask that question ''what do I want'' it is addressing the moment, and what you want to do, rather then what do you want to get

if you have that clear vision in the moment, you can lead a situation

right now this whole situation is fucked, and coming from a needy place, do you even consider me a friend, was a starting point that could have been re-framed

but your frame right now is coming from a needy, ''I am not good enough for you but I want sex from you, but you probably don't like me'' mind set

you don't have to force anything from this girl or get anything from her, what you do have to do is start practicing your skills and find some belief in yourself, figure out how to get more enjoyment for yourself out of socializing and get your fun and fulfillment from yourself instead of as a result of reaching some sort of achievement

you don't need to have sex with this girl, you don't need to grab coffee with her, there is nothing wrong with you and for all you know she could have been busy

example of your starting point, and how you could have ''flipped the script'' while slowly turning the frame

Me: "do you even consider me as friend?"
Her: "yeah."
Me: "I see, well you seem cool, and would probably be fun to hang out with. However you're never able to make it out and I barely know you. Why should we be facebook buddies if that's how it is?''
(or what ever direction you want to take this in, justify why you want compliance, then set out compliance)
Her: blah blah blah

^then more conversation, but if you get some ''words'' from someone, on what to say, it won't help you, cause your frame can't be helped, as soon as you run out of someone else's words that come from their frame, you will start sub-communicating through your frame again


the start of that convo either goes in the direction of compliance, or non compliance, you must address the behavior accordingly, if you are getting dead air, such as ... then pull back your attention, condition behavior to that which you want to see, good behavior gets attention, bad behavior gets withdrawal/rapport broken, let her come to you and actually answer your questions, or break rapport on her, but it's important when breaking rapport that you have some form of investment or else the fear of loss won't exist on her end, she won't fear losing that which she doesn't care about (can't play hard to get if you are hard to want), when you see compliance, build on it, when you see non compliance, back up and build on it at a lower rate that is more comfortable with her

responded to what?

her:....

^ this?

You barely know this girl, who the fuck cares?

_________________
These hos ain't loyal

Her: "why did you delete me?"
Me: "cause you touch yourself at night :OO"
Her: "well okay :/"
Me: "you seem like fun to hang out with, but you're never around. since I barely know you, it's weird for me to have you on facebook - I keep only real friends on facebook."

Something along these lines.

No answer from her since then.
You're probably right, I just wanted to get different perspectives on this kind of situation.

Thanks for long posts and advices. It really helped me to realise some things.