It's been over a week and I still can't stop thinking about her.

A year ago I was nobody. Never kissed a girl let alone had a girlfriend. I was so desperate that I paid for sex twice. I went to college and could count the number of friends with my hands. I discovered PUA and I began to care about my body. I dropped 20 lbs and changed the way I looked. By the time school started in the fall, I went from no one to hyper social. My social circle expanded drastically by joining a fraternity. Instantly I was meeting over fifty people and gradually more and more as I was introduced to friends of friends. Every time I walk on campus, I would say hi to at least one person I know.

In truth, once I started dating my now ex-girlfriend I began to neglect a lot of the PUA techniques I taught myself. At first I was confident, cocky and everything an alpha male PUA should be but as I began to start swimming around HBs party after party, I began to let my guard down. I began to show my true self around them and even though I did this, there were still women who came up to me and told me they liked me.

I missed two opportunities to be with another woman because I was so stuck on the girl I was dating. You see, it's been like a curse all my life to have less than average to somewhat average girls come up to me...even throughout high school. I don't know if I set my standards too high but as an Asian male all I want is a skinny white girl. I would be fine with a skinny latina as well but I seem to have a skewed perception of Asian girls. I don't find 7-8 Asians hot at all, only the 9.5s and 10s Asian I would find attractive and even then if I could pick a 7-8 Caucasian, I would.

I picked up PUA because I was desperate for a girlfriend. I was 20 (now 21) and I felt like not having experience dating and being in a relationship would hurt me in the long run. But I didn't want to be with girls I hardly find attractive even if they were into me so I decided that it was time to get a reach girl instead of safety girls. I went after a half Mexican, half Caucasian girl and it paid off. She became my first kiss, my first girlfriend and my first lay without money involved. She is honestly about a 7.5 but she was still better than the 5s and 6s that wanted me.

For once since a long time, I felt happy. I felt complete. But as my relationship went on, I felt unhappy because we never "couple" stuff. She didn't want to take pictures with me, no FB relationship status, I always had to go in for the kiss and never the other way around. I began to suspect that she really wasn't attracted to me. She put no effort into the relationship at all, and I pushed the problems to the breaking point because I didn't want to get played. But I did, she later confessed she never really took my seriously and that once her crush of 5 years said he was into her, she left me in a heartbeat with no remorse. I asked her what she found most unattractive about me and she said my race.

To be honest, I am a little bummed about about the race card. I know starting out in PUA that people say "race doesn't matter", and I still believe that because all the women that ever came up to me and told me they were interested are all non-Asian albeit the fact that they were all average-looking. But to hear my ex say that makes me feel sad.

I know there's a billion other women out there in the world but I can't stop thinking of the times we shared together. And even though she didn't take it seriously, I did, and that's what pains me the most. I don't know if I regret having my first relationship because it hurts.

just neediness man,

you don't need that girl, and you only want her because you can't have her, you chase her validation and it eludes you, now you are focused on her becuase you were not validated but rather de-validated instead, this is all your ego getting to you, and you have already taken to first step to objectively take a look at what is happening from a non emotional point of view

just work on taming your ego, put your boot to it's face, you don't need to have this girl like you, you are fine, you are not dead as a result of this, you have other girls interested in you, you have improved yourself a great deal, time to move on man, there are better things ahead of you in life, if you are always focused on the past, or worried about the future, how will you move forward?, how will you improve more?, you can be happy right now just because you want to be (try it)

imagine what you can accomplish if you can just forgive her and forget her, you could take care of your body even more, you could meet even more white girls that you like, one could even be more awesome and better looking then this girl, your life is not over, you are really young and it is only just beginning, it's really hard to de-tach from that which you have invested in, but you know from a practical sense that this emotional attachment here is holding you back, you wouldn't even have written this post if you didn't see this as a problem that you wanted to move past, life is going way better for you now then it ever has, but you are focused on that which you have lost instead of that which you have yet to gain

it'll get better man, just find yourself and become better

GOOD LUCK