If a mod could move this to the relationship section, it'd be great! I don't have enough posts to post there.


My girlfriend and I broke up after two years of being together. We had our ups and downs but generally wouldn't argue or communicate our problems, this was down to her, I'd have spoken about them, but she couldn't deal with confrontation.

It came to a head, we had a day out and her mum was with us too. Straight away, there was no hand holding or affection, I began to feel more and more like a lost puppy following them.
She didn't reach out to me and I didn't reach out to her, she was being grumpy so I backed off and remained aloof. This basically made us pretty much ignore one another all day.
We get back and still quiet, she asks if I want anything to eat, I declined and said I'll be going home shortly. Shortly arrives and I say my goodbyes. We kissed despite the SPAM and I left.

She didn't text like she normally would that evening. I hardly ever initiate texts. Few days later of hardly any communication, she sends me a text telling me not to come over the weekend as she needs to think etc. I asked if it was about us, she said yes plus other stuff.
I agree and thought sure, whatever.

We decided to write our problems down and once we're ready, send them to one another. Since we, SHE can't communicate without being defensive and taking offence.

She wouldn't send hers until I sent mine. At this point I was too angry to give a shit which way this was heading.
I sent mine, hit some home truths etc, she replied with hers simply defending herself and had a different take on my issues. But she knew about already.

She said she wanted NO CONTACT to think, I briefly said what's the point, we should be able to talk about things. I didn't pursue this. Left her to it. Never once contacted her or made any attempt to see her.

I managed to get a couple of dates with a couple of different women but my heart wasn't in it! As much as my girl annoyed me, she's who I want.

Two and a half months later of absolutely no contact from either of us! She sends me a cold email, telling me thanks for giving her this time to think, but she has come to the decision she cannot continue our relationship. She hopes we can be friends, in time of course and we should arrange the exchange of our things.

I blew her out of the water as I replied with I too came to the conclusion that I no longer wanted to continue this relationship either and there's been more I've been unhappy about.
I said, regards friendship, we'll have to see how things go.

She replied as if it was me dumping her!!

She wanted to know what else I was unhappy about. She was so close to giving it another try. Hurt that despite her doing no contact, I made a decision and didn't tell her! (You said no contact, so fuck you). Asking if I would have continued our relationship if we agreed to. Reminiscing about our past and that there isn't a day that doesn't pass that she doesn't think about us, a song in the car, tv show etc. When I find someone new, it will hurt her but she knows it's not fair for her to say if she can't give me want I want.. honestly, this shit goes on!

I replied, that yes I would have continued the relationship, but didn't know for how long because we never spoke about our relationship problems etc and only ignored them.
I said, yes I don't regret our good times etc but there's no point looking back, we both need to move on now.

A week later, we met up to exchange our things at her house. It was awkward but I was cool calm and happy. She was sheepish and didn't know what to do or say.

She asked if I wanted a drink and I agreed. She asked me some mild questions about my life and I asked briefly about hers.
We eventually sat on the sofa and continued talking, although it was a little uneasy, we both sat on the edge of the sofa as if at any point I would up and leave.
As the time went past, we spoke about all that has been going on in one another's lives. I kept my dates secret, she had more to tell than me, she's had a lot of family and work problems lately.
She doesn't have anyone to really talk to, she always came to me. We were best friends!!
We ended up chatting and laughing like we were best of friends again! I was there for 4 hours!

Upon leaving, we were still broken up, we didn't speak of this. Our emails did the talking! We were waling away.

I put my stuff in my car and we were still talking about random things. It was time to go, so I held out my arms for a cuddle.. and with a semi shocked look on her face she came over to me and we hugged and cuddled like we didn't want this to end! I eventually pulled away and we started talking again.
She said it'll hurt when I move on so I said, you will move on too, to which she said No, she wasn't interested and she looked 2000% serious!. She thought however, that I had been seeing someone! There's no way of her knowing this. But she said something I put on facebook gave her this impression. I denied it and said no.

I said, my number is the same should you need me for anything and she said the same.
I reached out for a cuddle again and she came to me again and I looked down to lick her nose or rub mine on hers like we did sometimes, and she took it to mean I was going to kiss her, so I paused very briefly and kissed her. It was a brief kiss!
Pulled away again and said, I gotta go, so hugged her sideways like a friend and walked away to my car.
Got in, said bye etc and left.....

Couple of days later, she liked and commented on something I put on facebook. Something she hasn't done in 4 months!
Later that afternoon, she texted me to ask me about my facebook comment and from that point, we were talking back and forth for several hours having a laugh.

Couple of days later I sent her an innocent text, hoping she'd have a safe trip this weekend and again, we texted back and forth having a laugh. She said she won't have a phone signal where she is but she can get on the net.. I said okay, but I wasn't expecting to hear from her anyway..
Following day, no phone signal, she contacts me via our phones google messenger, again random conversation and lots of laughs.
I said I'm going away for a day this week and she wanted to know where and with whom etc and that she knows she shouldn't ask as it's not her business anymore... nevertheless she asked it, but I didn't elaborate and said, it was going to xxx and it's a guy I was going with.

Regards the subject title, this girl told me when we first got together that she sabotages relationships if she thinks they're going well, or looking rocky to avoid being hurt. I ignored this, thinking she's just met shitty guys.

Looking back, there's loads of instances where this woman has been pushing and pulling me, but the more she's pushed the more I've back away.
I wasn't aware of this attachment style but it's clearly written about her! She had a shitty upbringing and lack of trust and never felt like anyone loved her! Apart from family.
Truth is, I would have loved her, she just wouldn't let me!

There's so much we would need to work on to be together again. So if this happened, we would have to start from scratch! Or it won't last for two minutes!!

Problem, is I don't know for sure if she wants me back, and I only want her back if we can work on us.

But her contacting me like this is throwing me, she obviously wants me in her life. It seems it was her idea of me being with someone else that made her decision to end things. Now she knows I am not, she's trying to strike up the rapport we once had.. perhaps just as friends.. but I don't know.

I'm being cool, not mentioning our breakup or anything of our past. Just innocently chatting.

We've not met up again since the exchange of our things, she and I have both been busy.
I think if we do see one another again, things might get a bit heated.. But I don't know how to play it other than cool, but I know if I don't touch her or warm to her, she certainly won't make a move...

I want to get back with her, but ONLY if we discuss our current and future issues!

I want to use this avoidant attachment against her, show her I want to love her, she can't push me away so easily again.

Even if I just shag her again, that'll be a bonus! Part of my frustration, is that she had all of the control before the emails, and I never got to say my side.

Has anyone got any advice on how to proceed, other than play it cool. Should I ask her out for a drink.. there's a show in two months I'd like to ask her to, but won't just yet!!