| hey man, here are some things to consider
think of this shit, as a little game of cat and mouse,
between two people, one person is more free to express their opinions and emotions without care for the other person's approval,
in a sense, one person is setting a rythm, one person will be reacting and conforming to that rythm,
you sir, are reacting to this chicks rythm, you want to get her, so you act in a way that will please her, she wants to do something, yep, you'll do it, she needs someone to keep her company cause she will be bored, you'll hop on over and go see her so she thinks more of you, she wants to dance, right away! upstairs you go, she sets the pace, you react to the pace and let her lead, maybe if you let her lead enough she will like you, this seems logical, but this isn't how it works, this is playing it safe, playing to not lose, rather then looking for the W
there is no clear idea of what you want, rather you are unsure of what she wants, but desperately trying to find the security of knowning what she wants, so you can figure out how to react and conform to her, so she approves, you want to fit in with her so she will like you
girls like you or they don't, changing up your rythm for them only is more likely to put you in the don't category, alot of girls want someone who is a little cooler then them, a little more secure, a little more confident, someone they can conform and react to
what you experienced that night, was that chick, conforming and reacting to her group of friends, she goes out, safety in numbers, she gets a sense on security in the group, queen bitch says they are out to have fun, she conforms, if she wasn't having fun and being a bit more confident, her friends might see her and not want to take her out, cause her being less cool, fucks with the group dynamic, friends meet you, if they don't like you, you can get cock blocked and blown off easy, cause you will see after a while, even if a girl likes you, when her friends don't, she will usually conform to the group instead of thinking for herself, in the same way alot of guys conform for a girl in order to get her approval, she will conform in order to get her groups approval, and approval and validation is what it is about for the girls, they want to reach the top of the social ladder, they want to fit in and be accepted and will go to great lengths to ensure the group approves of them (because girls can be harsh and will cut a girl loose from the group if she fucks up their dynamic)
so how do you deal with this kind of shit?, stop comforming, stop worrying about if these girls like you, start worrying about if you like them, when she tells you to do something, or asks if you want to do something, look inside yourself, if you actually want to do that thing, and it is not the result of her, but of you, then ya, do that thing, but if there is even a hint of you not wanting to do that thing, simply don't do it, express your feelings
''want to dance?''
''wait a bit, let me get a drink first''
or if you really want to
''obviously, lets do it, it would be rude not to''
if her friends are cutting you out, you gotta go do as you are wanting to do, rather then staying safe to not disturb the group, obviously you don't want to emplore a great demonstration of social retardation or anything, but if they don't come to you, don't sit around waiting like a good boy, comforming to what they want, be a bad little boy, don't listen to their rules, don't react to what they want, set your own rythm, go infiltrate the group, call them out as if they were weird or something (the classic MM line, ''is she always like this?'' comes to mind), watch them comform to you, or blow you out, it depends on how certain you are of yourself in the situation, as well as how much percieved value the girls assume you have, but as long as what you are doing follows along with social norms and they are being rude, and they are violating social norms, then you can just keep calling them out, and they lose that sense of security from the weak little girl rythms around them, and start to see security in your rythm, and eventually as long as you are sure of yourself and don't allow their little rythms to get in your way, your rythm will just set the pace for the whole group, they will start doing what you want, or they start to lose that security from within the group, and girls are like little followers, they just want that security and acceptance so bad
think of it like this, you have two buddies, both are clones of each other with different personalities, you have a girlfriend at the time, you go looking for advice because you think your girlfriend is cheating, lets say she sent a msg to some guy on face book and was chatting, they were obviously flirting, and it got to the point where your girlfriend agreed to go meet the guy over facebook for a sexual proposition, you catch this, confront your girlfriend and she acts like it is no big deal, cool as a cucumber, she just tells you she had no intention of seeing this guy and was just flirting for fun, but knows that if she told you, you would get jealous so she kept it to herself, now, you don't know what to believe in this situation lets say, so you ask your two buddies, both are phenominal with women, so in this area, they bring more ''value'' then you do, so since they are ''higher value'' in this area, you see more value in conforming (investing) to their rythm, so now out of the two they give conflicting advice,
one guy says, ''dude, you are being fucking insecure man, just trust your girlfriend, girls do that all the time, she was just flirting, you obviously are bad with girls''
the other guy says, ''wtf man, you want to be a cuckold or something?, it's clear as day she was being disrespectful, drop her like a bad habbit!''
now, either of them could be correct to be honest, there is really no way to know for sure, maybe she is, maybe she isn't, the difference is often the person we see more ''value'' behind we will conform to, so out of the two, the guy who seems more like he knows what he is talking about to you, will set the pace that you instintively will conform to
this is the concept of frame control, this girl, sets what the meaning is behind your interactions, she is leading the frame, you are conforming
it's not about inturupting her, it's not about dis-agreeing with her and breaking rapport just to be an asshole, or giving her nice sweet compliments so she might give you some back, or throw you some ass, it's not about saying weird rude shit to her so she will like you for some weird reason, it's about expressing yourself as you are from your core, without a thought to her reactions (while remaining aware of them after the fact as social feedback), allowing her reactions to happen and be ok with them, staying centered and emotionally grounded in the present moment with consistancy, no emotional reactions, you have to find who you are, find your own rythm, and realize that when people are conforming to your rythm, it is your descision what the meaning is to what is going on, lead them through the unknown by going for what you want, stay certain you want that, and they will feel more secure and certain following you through the unknown, just dancing to your rythm
if the girl likes you or not is not important, be aware of her, what is she doing?, how is she behaving?, how is she feeling? how much compliance are you seeing? do you like that behavior?, how can you influence that behavior?, oh, is it the group she is reacting to?, just go influence the group then, and you can influence her, be comfortable in the face of both negativity and positiveity, and just say what you are sure of, the truth, even when it is really hard for you to do so, just express yourself and condition the behavior around you, being aware of what feedback you are recieving, without reacting to it, be extremely aware of how you are responding to behavior, as everything you say or do, will condition a girl to either continue a behavior, or dis-courage a behavior, if a girl is texting you anxiously awaiting your calls and you start going cold on the texting, this will dis-courage her from that behavior and she will not be sure of what behavior she needs to re-shape to get her approval back, when a girl invites you out and you decline, you are conditioning her to not invite you out, if you have a way to encourage the behavior you want, and discourage what you don't want, things will go well, BUT ALWAYS BE AWARE OF HOW SHE FEELS, AND THE FEEDBACK YOU ARE GETTING
it's not about, what can I say or do to get this girl, how can I conform to her, it's about does this girl say or do things that I like, how can I find out if she posses what I like, if she does not screen to posses these things, then it is not worth it, she was not what I was looking for
figure out what you want, and figure out how to get it, if you find it, express that you have found what you want, allow who you are talking with to know they are ''qualified'', you won't conform, but this girl will, so reward, reward, reward, she is ''qualified'', she is conforming, she has what you want
when you are facing views that don't suite your own, ''disqualify'' those views, if you know that when you go to put your arm around a girl this will sometimes result in that girl testing if you comform, you disqualify her rythm, before it even arises, this throws a girl's game off, and she has no choice but to react and conform, it is known as ''flipping the script'', if you put your arm around a girl, and say, ''I normally charge girls 10$ to touch me, but you're a cutie, you can touch for free'', it is now your rythm, what can she say or do? how can she throw off your rythm? she is weird if she takes your arm off, you charge girls 10$ her arguement is dis-qualified, if you are sure of yourself and your own rythm, and know that you are within social norms anything she does to violate these norms makes her look less cool, how can she do anything and hold on to that security that she wants when her go to autopilots lines are walked over like they don't exist?, she has to follow the rules, you don't, you set your own within reason (social intelligence and calibration is key)
''I have a boyfriend''
''cool, I have dog''
disqualify their excuses, disqualify the rythm that does not flow with your own, if it is not in your way, just let it be, and be ok with it, just maintain your own rythm and flow along in certainty, knowing that you will be ok walking to the beat of your own drum
your rythm, not hers, don't fall into her rythm, feel how you want, lead, if she doesn't follow, don't worry, it will be ok, plenty other girls will, as long as you develope that inner strength, and start noticing some patterns, you will be able to lead more people socially with practice
GOOD LUCK
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CHAT
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