So I have been a PUA for a while but just joined this site today, any way I need some opinions on what you guys think I should do?

My live in gf of 5 years went to visit a friend a couple hours away, she said she was just going for the day and would be back that afternoon, around dinner time I texted her asking "what time will you be home and will you be late?" to which she replied "Yes I will be late but Im still coming home", a few hours later I asked her If what time she might be home and she said "I had a drink so I am just waiting but Im still coming home", I told her not to drive if she was drinking and to stay the night, which she replied "No, no, I am coming home tonight"

So I left it alone but felt I should wait up for her to make sure she get home safe, around 2:30 a.m I text her and say? "Is everything ok? Im a little worried you are not home yet?", I got a text 20 mins later saying "Oh, yeah I guess I am staying over night". This is were I kind of got made!

I said "I see and you didn't think of calling or texting to let me know? you did not plan on telling me? I was starting too think something happend to you! I was waiting to make sure you got home safe and you can't send a simple text? Thats very inconsiderat!"

When she got home this morning I was very cold! she said she was sorry but made a million excuses! I told her I forgive her but I am very disappointed in her actions and think it was very selfish to not at least text to let me know she was ok.

she tried to hug me and I hugged her back, but I acted very cold! I'm still pissed about it!

So what would you guys do in my situation? am I over reacting? I am mad that she was not going to text or call at all! and that she didn't seem all that apologetic...yes she said sorry but she didn't say it like she really believed she had done anything wrong.

p.s She said the reason she did not call was because her and her friends went to the bar and she lost track of time and did not know she would be staying over, I asked what time she went to the bar she said 12:30 and then I asked what time they left and she said 2:00, at which point I said "So you went to the bar at 12:30 yet you just told me you lost track of time? Im sure you knew you would not be coming home at the a point so that's not a good excuse".

and yes her friend she went to see is a girl not a guy.

i hate it when chicks act that way to me. "i was worried. when will you be home?" a million times. just don't do it. this is pussy behavior. she did not come home. big deal!

"i hope you used a condom." dont act jealous. if something happened, you will be able to tell by her reaction. if something really happened and it's a one time thing, let it go. don't react. if not, you need to have a talk.

you say you're a pua, then don't act like an afc!

this is the sort of stuff that kills relationships, coming from either side. it's understandable that you are worried, but stay calm. you're a man, not a chick.

Yeah I think I slightly over reacted. I'm not sure that I could say "hope you used a condom" without coming off are very beta??

I want to say something to her but I also do not want to come off as insecure, I do feel I have the right now say something....just not really sure at this point wtf I should say or do lol

You are not coming off as a beta telling "hope you used a condom" since it's obviously sarcastic.

Actually it's pretty playful and fun.

What If I deliver it like this:

"Hun I don't really care that you stayed over, I just want you to let me know next time....oh and I really hope you used a condom (laugh)"

see how she reacts?

Too late now. Don't ever say anything related to this event.

Give her some space. It's really annoying to be 'tied up' by someone.

It makes you look needy in her mind, needless to say it's not a sexy view.

Understandable, but I don't think I was being over overbearing, it was a very selfish move on her part and it showed a lack of respect! so to say nothing at all seems very beta as well!

Do you think it would be wise to push away a bit? not be mean, but punish her by doing my own thing? or leave it?

leave it for now. even if you wanted to "punish" her, doing it too late might be worse than do nothing (indecisive on your own boundaries). she apologized, and gave an explanation. do you trust her? then accept her apology at face value. if not, you might need to do some investigation.

I will tell you an anecdote. a GF was meant to go out with a guy friend. I did not feel comfortable with it since I had never met the guy, so I was not sure if he could be sexual. I basically invited myself. I meet her at her place. the friend doesn't show up. he is half an hour late. does not call yet. phone switched off. she begins to call it a flake, "maybe we should go do our thing".

what you can think is happening: she was going out on a date, and using the friend as a cover. when I blew the cover by joining the ride, she tried to talk the friend into coming to rescue but he was busy or something, but agrees to pretend to be flaking by having his phone off. will probably call later tonight to make up some random shit excuse.

the dude calls an hour later, talking about a weird car incident where the vehicle stopped responding on the highway. then restarted properly.

what is happening in a jealous BF mind's: this dude was supposed to do another thing entirely. he is rescuing his friend, but had to make up shit on why he was late. he is lying and making up an entirely improbable shit as he is a bad liar.

truth? I got evidence a few weeks later that the whole story was true. my GF was meant to go out with this 101% friendzoned guy, and he was actually late for the aforementioned reason.

always keep your eyes open, but give the gift of trust.

_________________
nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)

Thanks man that was great advice! I might be over over analyzing the whole situation, in the future I will just calmly say something like "Next time call, I was worried something had happend" and leave it at that!

What happens if a gf pulls this kind of disrespectful act often? just doing selfish things? we just talked the other day about how we were going to be more open with each other and have better communication, she said that is something she needs to work on! and so when she pulled this It made me mad!

so why do you find it disrespectful what has happened?
your girlfriend went out with some friends, started drinking, got drunk, answered all your texts even though she was drinking (and it seems you made quite a few texts to make sure she was ''safe'')

what exactly would you do if she was not ''ok''?, are you really making these texts for her safety, or are you trying to be her dad and know her whereabouts at all hours? don't you trust her?

sorry to say, but this whole ordeal seems like it was handled in a very needy insecure way, and trying to fix the problem with ''HOPE YOU WORE A CONDOM'', will probably do more harm then good, it just shows that you are insecure when it falls into the frame you are comming from, if you didn't give a shit and she was trying to get your attention and make you jealous and you weren't texting her at all that night, ''hope you wear a condom'' would be funny, but dropping that bomb after a night full of anxiously checking up on a chick cause you have nothing better to do just seems like more insecurity comming out of the woodwork, it's kinda like, what are you doing? what are you doing? what are you doing? please text me! I'm worried about what you are doing, then fix it up with, haha you having sex with someone else? hope you wear a condom! < this is not a fix to your frame and this is the type of vibe I'm getting, forgive me if I'm wrong

just trust your girlfriend dude, if she is gonna cheat, she will cheat, you won't be able to stop it no matter what you do, just give her the benifit of the doubt, until you have a real reason to believe something is going on, have some faith in her, girls need lives apart from the home life too, she is not your property just because she is your girlfriend, she is your awesome little sidekick in life, give her some room to go fight crime sometimes, she will be a better sidekick because of it

now, if you think you were not overbearing, put yourself in her shoes, you go out with an old buddy to get drunk, and your girlfriend is texting you, WHERE ARE YOU? ARE YOU OK? WHEN ARE YOU COMMING HOME? WHAT TIME ARE YOU LEAVING? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? and after you answer every time, it still continues, is that cool for you?, or is that annoying for you?, if it is cool for you, we have way different ideas of what we like from a girlfriend, that sort of behavior wouldn't even get a text back from me, if there is no trust, the relationship is shit and the girl is probably LSE,

as for saying something to her about this, why not let it go?, it's in the past, nothing you can do about it now, being butthurt about it just shows how needy you are for her to do what you want, who cares what she does unless it steps on your toes and crosses a boundry, and if her going out with friends steps on your toes, then you must not have much going on in your life besides her

hahahaha! that was a great post actually.

you're better served to save my "hope you used a condom" for the next time anything like this happens (perhaps with someone else) than changing your frame 180 degrees and coming off as bi-polar lol.

let me tell you a story. just happened yesterday:

i was out last night. obviously with some girls. 3 of them (19 yo). we were having a great time. they were getting drunk and we just started a bit of playful kino, talk about group sex, taking pics kissing eachother. group hugs and that sort of shit. i know them a bit and know they were dtf. but i had to cut my evening short.

why?

between 10 pm and 12 pm, i got 30 missed calls. three zero. from my long time gf. ok, there are feelings involved so i won't be out all night while she's going nuts at home waiting for me just for a little fuck (perhaps my first foursome - that's worth refelcting on for a while - ok, snap, back to reality), but i was SERIOUSLY ANNOYED! after i got home, i told her if she pulls that shit again, i'm gone for good unless it's really something serious or there was an accident or whatever.

as i said, THIS SHIT KILLS RELATIONSHIPS! AND I FIND DOING SOMETHING LIKE THIS IS WAAAAAAY MORE DISRESPECTFUL THAN NOT COMING HOME FOR THE NIGHT AFTER INFORMING SOMEONE.

pumpington is right on, WHY DO YOU THINK SHE'S BEING DISRESPECTFUL? SHE INFORMED YOU AND KEPT YOU UP TO DATE. it's not like she said she's going out for a pack of cigs and came back 2 days later as if nothing happened lol.

YOU NEED TO GET OVER THIS! NOT JUST FOR HER OR FOR WOMEN IN GENERAL, BUT FOR YOURSELF. IF SHE'S GONNA FUCK ANOTHER GUY, YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

WHAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT IS NOT MAKE AN ASS OUT OF YOURSELF. HER CHOICE REMAINS HER CHOICE. YOUR CHOICE IS, BE A MAN, OR BE AN ASS.

Wow you guys have been very helpful! That really opened my eyes to the whole situation and you are right! I need to loosen up a bit!

Last night when she got home I was in a good mood, I said to her "last night wasn't a big deal, I didn't really mind just next time let me know that you ok sounds good?" and she agreed, then I dropped it 100%! and we just had a good time....no more needy beta behaviour!

thanks guys!