So this girl I'd been 'friends' with, starts showing alot of interest in me, constantly inviting me out. So we agree to meet up at a club last night. As soon as I saw her, I knew it was on, she had that glow in her eyes. Fast forward a bit, she pays for my drinks, keeps touching me, eventually starts grinding on me etc. So at this point, I say to her, "I'm going out for a breather, you should join me". She takes my hand, and we go to a nearby park. Shortly into the walk, I put her close, for a kiss, but she takes the opportunity, and goes into makeout mode. All the while, she starts telling me about some guy she wanted to be with, but he didn't want to be with her etc etc. Then asking me if I had been with these two friends of hers who like me (which I hadnt). It was probably the strangest makeout ever. I tried to pull the "we're going too fast.." and pushing her off me, but nothing doing. Anyways, after about 10 minutes, her ride was expecting her, and she had to leave. This morning I get this message:

"Sorryyy about last night.. it was great for me, but I cant be with anyone.
We shouldn't have been in the park..
I'd like us to forget that night, and stay friends. "

Still wondering what to make of this whole situation, and am open to suggestions as to how to respond to this last message. I was thinking of taking the problem head on, or maybe going with something along the lines of. "I agree. Lets take it slow from now on. Of course we'll be friends, for after we'll see-- everything begins with friendship." Thoughts, suggestions?

Thanks!

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Dream as if you'll live forever, Live as if you'll die today - JD

Fuck that. Are you interested in her sexually? See, back in my COMPLETE AFC days (rAFC now), I would've probably said just that. If you say that you lose control of the situation.

This really seems like an all in or nothing situation.

How long has she been showing interest? If she has for a while go all out, you know she likes you. Are you willing to risk the friendship for a chance to be with her? If so then you must keep your frame strong, hold your ground and be completely honest in your intent here.

Something like "Look, you are way too sexy for me to be just friends with you." Show you are sexually interested, and you have a chance to fuck her when she is ready and feels horny. She will see you as a potential sexual partner, which IMO is always good. And if she gives you shit for saying that, no hard feelings man. You were honest, you didn't mean anything bad, you didn't insult her. In time everything will sort itself out.

But if you reply with that you are headed for the friendzone, and will have the glorious chance to know that she is being fucked by some other guy who she met and she's liking it.

Awesome. In retrospect I wouldn't have said what I wrote, I came up with something better, which was a watered down version of what you wrote "Look, I have plenty of friends. I think we can be..." etc etc but I like what you said much more. Thanks amigo. I'll post updates.

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Dream as if you'll live forever, Live as if you'll die today - JD

I've noticed that using hesitant phrases such as "I think", "I thought" are weaker than claims.

I'm really curious if it's the same over this case with your text.


Could you do me a favor and post your original text along with the same text rephrased by stronger claims (change all the think to want and such).

Completely out of curiosity.


Thanks,

Oxy.

Thats exactly it, I wouldn't normally state my texts in that way, I'd be more likely to use powerful statements.
"Look, I have plenty of friends. I want us to work something out, which is more than that."

She responded with:
Are you in (her city)?!
DM we can't be more than friends because you're not here, you're always far.
Do you understand?!

A little bit of background, Im visiting family in Europe for 4 months over the summer. Im in one city now (about an hour away from her) but I will be in her city more starting next weekend. Anyways, would the above response be appropriate now in this situation?

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Dream as if you'll live forever, Live as if you'll die today - JD

Ah see now you went all serious on her. You should have kept it playful. Going with a text like "Can't be friends, you're too sexy" would have been better than "I want more than just friends". You see the difference? One can be interpreted playful like dang girl, you're too sexy, you make me want your babies, whereas the other is more "I want a relationship with you" type thing.

You might have scared her here, and the distance thing gave her an incredible excuse not to take things further now.

This is why being BOLD is important. You were half assed. You said you don't wanna be just friends, OK. BUT you said it in a playing-it-safe type of way, when you should have just gone all out playful and sexual.

One thing I've learnt is that making out doesn't mean shit for many girls. Girls whore around their mouths because it's much more accepted. They don't sleep with as many as they kiss. Therefore if you make-out with a girl, great! But the game is definitely not won yet.

Where to take it from here? My advice would be to back off, and a few days before you see her, act like this NEVER HAPPENED and send her a playful text. If she plays along, good. Remember, when you do see her though, she is not expecting you to get together in any way, therefore, you must first show value, keep control of the frame, be unapologizing, and then make your statement of you're too sexy. Check out Shock and Awe technique.

Oh No No sorry for the misinterpretation, that was her response to the thing you said to say, "We can't be just friends, your too sexy" I did go with that. I was just responding to Oxy's post. Heres what the thread looks like now:


HER:
Sorryyy about last night.. it was great for me, but I cant be with anyone.
We shouldn't have been in the park..
I'd like us to forget that night, and stay friends.


ME:
Look, you are way too sexy for me to be just friends with you.

HER:
Are you in (her city)?!
DM we can't be more than friends because you're not here, you're always far.
Do you understand?!

I still havent responded, to the last message. Sorry for the confusion. Does the situation change at all? Should I wait it out, or take the problem head on again?

PS Thanks for the input, really appreciate it!!

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Dream as if you'll live forever, Live as if you'll die today - JD

this would be my text

"And I would like for you to forget about that text you just sent me and be my WOMAN."

If she's attracted to you, she's attracted to you. The whole "You're always far away" is her trying to be logical about it, but women respond emotionally which is why I have a girl who lives on a different continent still contacting me every day and begging me to visit.

Just don't make a big deal about it, don't sulk or let it affect you, game other women as well as her. I don't think its an issue here unless you make it into one.

When are you seeing her again? IGNORE her text. It doesn't mean shit. Like Rough Operator said, she can't control her attraction. If she is she is, if she isn't she isn't.

The next time you see her, giver her a heads up that you're gonna be in town and you guys should have a fun time together (going out somewhere, going for drinks, whatever). You must be unapologizing in your intent, do not waiver. Don't suck up to her, don't beg her to give you a chance or anything like that. ASSUME SHE WANTS YOU, because she does. And any resistance by her, in your mind, you should find amusing. (If she gives you a definitive No, don't pursue any longer).

So when you see her, just focus on having a fun time, and if she acts a certain negative way, fuck her, her loss. You still go have a good time, and maybe even talk to some other girls.

So to make it short, she knows you want her sexually, you don't apologize for it. Be persistent in a fun way. If she says no declaratively, move on. If she comes around, good.

Thank you! Great responses, I figured that since almost whenever I makeout, I have this problem, I'll just have to work on calibrating her subconscious next time. Personally I don't care about this girl, or any other girl, I just wanted to know how to deal with situations like these. I haven't responded to her last message, I'll do what traveler said, and work from that

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Dream as if you'll live forever, Live as if you'll die today - JD

Major progress man.

Seriously, bravo.


Tr@veler, RoughOp - great advice!

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Women are like ceramic tile.... if you do the prep work, and lay them properly the first time...you can walk all over them for years to come.

RR Thanks, I'm determined to figure out the theory behind everything, rather than just lines. I'll post updates

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Dream as if you'll live forever, Live as if you'll die today - JD