Recently i've been reflecting on my life and i've realised that i have really boring and shit conversational skills. I seem that my friends just have a lot of banter and no proper conversations and i think i have picked this up.

I've gone into a situation where i have to meet a large group of people on my own and stay with them over the next couple months and i've realised that i don't really have any real contact with these peopl whereas all the other people have already formed social circles and go out together.

Anyone else have this problem? I have a girlfriend so im not looking to pick up girls, i just want to be able to converse with people and get along with people better.

Any suggestions?

Thanks

Yea, start living life.

if you are boring, why not embrace your boringness. it would be easier than attempting to change yourself.

without boring people, interesting people would not exist.

being interesting is just a question of perception.

my father is the most boring man you could ever meet. it worked for my mother.

I'll give you 3 minute therapy (REBT style):

ABCDE model to changing your beliefs and consequent behavior and/or emotional state.


A (Activating Trigger/Event)
B (Belief)
C (Consequence - either a behavior, emotion, or both)

D (Dispute/debate the Belief)
E (Effective (new) belief)
F (new Feeling)


So, that said here's how to make sense of it all:


Your "A" may be being out in public amongst other people - this is what triggers/prompts your belief ("B") that "I am a boring person", "I have nothing to offer anyone", "I will be alone" (see how I extrapolated "I will be alone" from "I am a boring person"? Thoughts are like layers of an onion, as we peel away each layer we get closer to the core thought/belief - in this example "I will be alone". "C" is your behavior as well as emotions that follow this belief, so in this case it may be sadness, anger, isolation (you get the idea). The behavior may be social withdrawal.

NOW, if we look at "D" and dispute the belief "People just dont find me interesting, I will continue feeling alone" and start identifying distortions in this belief such as instances in time where you had people interested in what you have to say, we can dismantle this maladaptive belief and replace it with something more adaptive and empowering such as "I am a likeable person" which will in turn become a more effective belief ("E") and as a product of this new belief you will experience more positive feelings ("F").


In summary:

A (social situation) C (emotions; sad, anger, isolation, behavior; social withdrawal)

D (people were interested in what I had to say during XYZ) -> E ("I am an interesting person with stories to share") -> F (new feelings; calm, more sociable/engaged with others, free from burden of feeling have to be interesting/put on a show to keep people's attention)