I dated my ex for about 4 months, then we broke up. It was a "healthy" breakup and we kept in contact since we share the same friends. She started dating another guy and they've been together for a few months now. She won't ever bring him around near our friends and she tries not to talk about him in front of me. Recently, she has started flirting with me more, contacting me more, and trying to find excuses for us to do things together (work on a school project and we end up doing other things like drinking instead). I have never shown an ounce of jealousy about her dating the new guy.

Recently, she has had several massive outbursts of jealousy toward me:

1) She randomly asked if I was dating one of our friends. I jokingly said yes and she proceeded to thrash about, just freaking out, telling me how this girl isn't right for me and how she can't handle knowing something like this because the stress is too much. She was throwing her books around and shit, it was amazing. When I told her I was joking, she was immediately relaxed again.

2) Some new girl has recently started coming around and flirting with me. The first time my ex saw her, she left immediately, then started hammering my phone with texts asking what I was doing with this girl and stuff. She eventually called me on the phone and was probing me with questions about her.

3) Any time I mention this new girl, my ex makes some negative comment like "ewww, gross". She also keeps asking myself, as well as our friends, if anything is going on between me and this new girl. The truth is, the new girl and I no longer really care about each other at all so nothing will happen there. But my ex doesn't know this. I've purposely remained ambiguous about this, though, so she has no clue if we've kissed, fucked, or anything else. Yesterday I joked about having the girl go out with us and she said "ewww, really? Would you like me bringing my boyfriend along when we go out?".

I could keep naming examples but I think you get the point. The point is, she's jealous as fuck. Our friends have noticed it too, and I've literally asked like 10 people about this and no one can figure it out. That's why I've turned to you guys. What the hell is going on here? She has a boyfriend, and she seems to be getting along with him. I asked how he's doing and she said "great, we just don't get to see each other much anymore since our work schedules conflict so much".

So why would she be getting jealous if she has him? Is it possible that maybe she's sick of him (he's very passive, indecisive, and extremely nice)? Is it possible that I've just outshined him that well to where she would choose me instead? Or is she simply a bitch who doesn't want to see me with anyone else but has no desire to be with me again? She is extremely sensitive toward me. I can make her insanely happy or insanely mad with just a few words.

She still likes you next question!

Is this the girl you open a thread a couple of months when you were going to breakup with her?

Perhaps she is dating him just to move on with her life or she doesnt like to be alone, or she needs validation ,who cares, the only thing i know is that she is into to you!.

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Oh! You've gotta be kidding me!

You're correct, it's her. Good memory!

So, assuming I would entertain the idea of getting back with her, do you have any suggestions on what my next step(s) might be to get her away from this guy?

Whoa, hold on a minute there buddy. Before you start asking how to get her back, you need to make sure you actually want her back. Don't just do it because she is showing a little interest, or because she has another guy and you don't like that. My memory isn't as good as Snake Doctor's; what was the reason for the breakup? How long have you been broken up?

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The hottest ginger you'll ever meet.

I don't have an ego, I just love how awesome I am.

I allowed her to gain way too much control in the relationship, and unfortunately I started to behave poorly because of that. It snowballed to a point where there was really no chance at saving things, so I ended it in hopes that we'd spend some time apart then see what happens later on. We ended up not talking for a few months, then slowly rebuilt the friendship. At this point I've been able to spend a lot more time with her than usual and I enjoy my time with her. I'm confident that I've got my shit together now so the problems from before will not resurface.

The entire breakup has lasted for about 5 months so far. It's definitely not a decision I made based on the fact that she's showing me attention again, otherwise I'd be much more cautious.

Be yourself with her...

Flirt with her.

Dont talk about him, or even trash talk about him.

Dont show any signs of jealousy.

Dont ask any more things to your friends about your ex.

Dont show any signs you want to come back.

And special be the guy she fallen in love on the first time.

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Oh! You've gotta be kidding me!

It sounds like she wants your attention at the very least.

I had a similar situation. A new girl came around. Just a friend, but she was younger and hotter than my ex. The ex would call her "gross", "a child", all this shit. One time when the ex got into my car, she saw a stain in the back seat and yelled, "Is that your cum?!!" It was from toothpaste that exploded in the heat. I laughed my ass off.

Girls don't need a relationship to glean the attention they want. They have followers on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter that compliment their every move. This boyfriend who's doing nothing for her right now. So if you keep playing hard to get, cat-string theory, she'll eventually learn the only way to get your attention is to lock you down for good.

Good luck, man!

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"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

I'd be curious to know more about her personality as it sounds as though she could have a borderline personality (BPD).

" Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health disorder that generates significant emotional instability. This can lead to a variety of other stressful mental and behavioral problems.

With borderline personality disorder, you may have a severely distorted self-image and feel worthless and fundamentally flawed. Anger, impulsiveness and frequent mood swings may push others away, even though you may desire to have loving and lasting relationships.

If you have borderline personality disorder, don't get discouraged. Many people with this disorder get better with SPAM and can live satisfying lives. "


A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

2. a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

3. identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

5. recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior

6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

7. chronic feelings of emptiness

8. inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)

9. transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms



http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/border ... er/DS00442

To me it sounds like after the breakup she didn't think that you would be able to move on this quickly due to the amount of control she had over you. This combined with the likely fact that this "new guy" isn't making her as happy as you made her.

BE VERY CAREFUL with this, if she is as controlling as you have said then she will have to have her cake and eat it. I.E. have complete control over who you date and when your allowed to start dating and be fucking this other guy at the same time.

If you REALLY want her back just go with the normal shit. If she starts talking about her bf when shes around yours do a freezeout/punish her and obviously only give her attention when she deserves it.

Also do everything Snake Doctor said AND MAKE SURE YOU KEEP GAMING THIS OTHER GIRL.

A way to get a hilarious reaaction out of your ex is to tell her that this new girl has said loads of nice things about your ex. Drives them fucking insane.

Yes, this!!!

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Crypto...
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All girl's are Freaks...It is your job to bring it out in them! - Crypto

You need to stop bending over and letting her ass fuck your brain! - Heywood

I was pretty sure I posted a note of thanks to everyone for their input, but I guess it didn't go through. Sorry about that. I really appreciate everyone's suggestions and insight. I'd also like to post an update.

I'm getting pretty confused at this point. She keeps trying to schedule double dates with me, her and our two best friends (who are in a relationship together). Last night, they couldn't make it and I suggested that we just go out alone and she seemed to like that idea. We had a damn good night and it was pretty much like we were emotionally back into the relationship again, despite no sex/kissing/etc. I'm not sure if she would have gone for that but I don't care because I am completely against "helping" someone cheat anyway.

Her jealousy still lingers, although she's toned it down a bit, probably because someone called her out on it. She keeps mentioning how she wants to start a business with me and how we need to go on vacation like we used to. One of our female friends (who tends to side with her more than me and has no idea I'd consider getting back with her) randomly left us alone today, then later told me that she did it to give us some alone time. That same friend also asked if I fucked the girl I'm gaming and who my ex has shown jealousy over.

This post is getting long and I'm nowhere close to running out of shit to say. While all of this seems promising, if not insanely obvious, one thing I just don't understand is why she won't ditch the new boyfriend. One of our friends asked her how things are going with him and she said it's going great. That just doesn't add up to me. Is this just a matter of me riding it out until she's ready to cut ties with him? I'm playing every piece of this game perfectly so far, but I'm just curious as to what's going on in her head.

And yes, to answer a few peoples' question, I've had plenty of time to consider things and I definitely would like to try getting back together with her.

My guess is she's too proud to outright say what she wants. She knows how humiliating it'd be to tell you she wants back if you didn't feel the same way. So she's putting out these feelers: asking you about starting a "business" and having her friend pry about you and that other girl.

She likely doesn't know how you feel about it at all. I don't know you OR the other guy, but it's likely he's good enough to date (at least for now) and she knows if she plays her cards wrong, she'll lose you both.

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"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

I think I've made it pretty obvious that I'm interested at this point. Although maybe she's second-guessing it since she still keeps hearing about the other girl I've been gaming.

I hate to spam so I'll give this one last bump and let the topic die.

You are giving something that women considered more important that sex kissing.... Attention.

If she feels she still haves that she doenst need much more from you, because she knows when she wants she can have it... besides she already sees that you are investing in the relantioship

Attention is the problem, I would consider being more neutral... and not spending so much time with her.... flake.

If she call you out, hey we are just friends

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Oh! You've gotta be kidding me!