| ok here are some thoughts,
lots of girls list alot of things they find attractive about guys, usually one of the main things is confidence, it is also very common for girls when asked for advice to say, ''if you want a girl, JUST BE YOURSELF'', well that is all fine an dandy, but if being yourself got you girls, you wouldn't be needing their advice in the first place would you?
well lets break down what exactly it is, to ''be yourself'' in the sense that girls want but have difficulty explaining,
congruence is really important to a girl, when considering you for a partner she is considering the chance that a little you is going to be growing inside her and for the next 18 years + she could be stuck taking care of it, if that is the case then they want to know for sure they are getting what they are paying for, so to speak
if what you are doing seems like it isn't lining up, like you are not ''being yourself'', like it isn't normal behavior for you, then it can really help a girl talk herself out of wanting anything to do with you, and they are pretty good at sniffing out guys who are not congruent, you can see all sorts of posts in this forum about when girls are testing their congruence, it is also known as a ''shit test'', and all that is, is basically a girl sees what you are made of, what kind of guy you are
routines work fine if you practise them to the point that they come off genuine and congruent, as long as the material suites you as a person and is in alignment with who you are and it is acted out well, then chances are... it will go over well, the problem with this is some guys read the mystery method, go out looking and smelling like garbage, then proceed to start telling a girl they have never met before in their 20 stripper ex-girlfriends and how they had to dump them all, then go on about how many girls have been hitting on them lately, meanwhile they are figiting around super nervous like they have never even spoke to a girl before in their life, can you see where a girl's bullshit radar might go off?
leading is attractive, and you can lead by simply directly communicating what your intentions are and acting on them from every passing moment to the next,
when you see a girl and you want to look at her but you shy away and avert your gaze, you are not being yourself, you are putting on a veil of safety and hiding your intentions, you are not expressing yourself and who you are, you are hiding who you are
when you are talking to that cute girl and that voice in your head says ask her out and get her number, and you don't act on it, you are hiding who you truly are
when you are alone with that girl at your house and you want to kiss the girl you are with, but you chicken out because you are not sure if she wants it too, you are hiding who you are
when you are kissing a girls ass or trying to win her over by saying or doing something to get her to like you, or putting on an act or mr. too cool for school, saying and doing things you wouldn't normally do for reactions, you are not being yourself, you are hiding behind a fake persona so she doesn't have to judge the real you, your ego can remain in tact if she doesn't reject the real you, right?
you have to realize, you are good enough as you are to get girls, not all girls will want to be with you, but that is life, no guy in the world has that going for him, you can always improve, no matter who you are, but just because you are not bradd pitt, does not mean you can't find a cute little angelina jolie, it just takes some effort,
you have been biologically designed to stay away from pain and seek out pleasure, if you are too focused on reaching an outcome and that outcome is not reached, you will only find pain in your endevors, this will cause you to stop putting effort into achieving your aim, you have to drop your expectations and find pleasure in what you are doing
there are not really any magical words or lines that will get you girls, there are some theories on ways you can act and things you can do that can improve the way you are percieved socially, but they still have to come off congruent, you have to fit a steriotype that matches that perseption, and being something you are not just to achieve a goal, will leave you feeling empty in the end reguardless, it just starts to feel like the act got you the girl and it was all just manipulation, somewhere deep down this can harm your self esteem because at a core level if you need to do this, then you obviously don't think you are good enough as you are
TL;DR
try for a while to just walk up to girls, tell them why you are talking to them, express an interest in getting to know them, if you like what you find out about them, let them know it and let them know you want to see them again
be honest, be yourself, and don't hide who you are, summon up all your courage to be yourself, be sure about who you are and respect yourself, if you truly know who you are, then other peoples opinions reguarding you are almost meaningless, you have no need for another persons approval, you neither have to defend yourself or attack others when they have an opinion of you that conflicts your own, you are you and you should know it, if someone is treating you poorly then you don't have to put up with that behavior from them or give them any of your time or attention, love yourself first and then love others
figure out what you want, and how you are going to get it, then take action, afterwords reflect and improve
and beyond that, MORE EFFORT, MORE EFFORT, MORE EFFORT,
go out more, talk to more girls, improve yourself more, MORE EFFORT, MORE EFFORT, MORE EFFORT
no one can do this for you, nothing you obtain will make you happy, nothing will fill that void, if you quit nothing will change, you have your whole life ahead of you to work on this, it doesn't have to happen in a day, if you look in mirror now and don't like the person looking back at you, you have your whole life to improve who you are looking at until you can accept and love yourself
GOOD LUCK
|
CHAT
