I don't really know how to articulate this but in going to try my best... I have been doing a lot of deep thinking lately and come to a pivotal point in deciding how to live my life.

The best way I can explain it is to relate it to rap. (I realise a lot of you won't be into rap, and this isn't about rap its just the easiest example) So the way I see it there are kids out there (drake for example) who would have said at one point "I wanna be a rapper" his parents probably his friends and his peers would have laughed and told him he's an idiot. But that didn't stop him. He kept telling people he would be a rapper and he started writing rhymes and contacting people in the business, he was also rapping in a style that wasn't exactly popular at the time, but he liked it so thats what he did. Eventually he was recognised, blew up and is now one of the best rappers in the world, he lives the lifestyle he dreamed of when other people told him not to and is now accepted by all his family friends and peers. (except his ex gf buy that's beside the point).

Now when I think about my life. There are things I do an dont do because I want to uphold or create an image (I sometimes don't wear the outrageous clothes I like because I'm worried I will be judged, I don't approach girls at times because it's not exactly a societal norm, I go to the clubs my friends like when I more or less hate clubs, I'd rather go off on a spontaneous adventure to a new part of the city or something like that) I study business because I don't really know what I want to be (I'm only twenty) an the way I see it a business degree opens a fair few doors.
Most of the time I'm really not living for myself, if I could follow my deepest passions and interests I wouldn't even know where to start because I have blocked them out to make way for a "normal social image".
I want to be me. On the most extreme level possible. Has anyone else thought this? I dont even know what I really want, and want to be.

Direction on this would be much appreciated and if you got through that essay of a read congrats

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just because my name is safety doesn't mean i like condoms