Hi Guys,

I was dating a girl for almost 4 months. Everything was fine. We use to hangout, go to places and had a good time. Two days back I was dumped! Reason she gave was I don't make an effort to know her friends which is important to her. I have met her friends in two occasion. But, when she invited me to hangout on a few occasions either I was having some work or too tired or meeting my friends etc.

During the whole dating period I fc only twice. I liked the girl and she was not very keen on having sex. But I thought, I can live with that. She has a big social circle. She hangs out with her friends which include a gay guy almost every day. As I rejected a few of her invitations to meet her friends or didn't invite her to meet my friends, she said that our thing is not going to work. She is a bigger girl. But I liked her for who she is not her outward appearance. Also, during the relationship, I did some really afc stuff like texting her, how I am thinking about her and other shit. She called me at about 10 pm and said that she is breaking up. I said that is fine but i want to see her for one last time. I went to her home that night and asked her the reason. She said that I was always nice and respectful but didn't do stuff with her friends which are way too important to her. So, our relationship is not going to work out. Also her intention is to get married soon as she is in her 30s. I said that I completely understand. I should have hung out with her friends a little bit more than I did. She cried a little. I said with a smile that we would have make a good couple. I could see her head gesture of 'NO'. It was funny because she wanted to say it but didn't and you guys know body gestures gives everything away!

So here are my questions -
1. I know that getting to know her friends is an important part of any relationship, if I had hung out more with her friends, sacrificing the time i spent hanging out with my friends or doing my own shit, would have saved the relationship? Probably yes, right? Worth it, I don't know!
2. How to hold the frame in a relationship?
3. Should I have hung out with her friends every time she wanted? This would have make me a total AFC.
4. How much time should someone date to figure out if that person is marriage material?
5. Should I message her on her B'day, text or email?

I think these are the lessons I learnt from this painful episode
-I should have hung out with her friends or make a little effort to get to know them even if I was not feeling it.
-She stole the frame by becoming dominant in the relationship by planning things for us together. I should have introduced her to my friends too.

But, when I think about it, I could see the dots may be not. I understand that getting along with her friends is important but we could have had a conversation like hey...i really wanted to meet my friend xxx tonight or whatever, they wanted to meet you so much. She actually did tell me that a few times but I couldn't go because of work, not feeling well the other. Also, invitations were so out of the blue that I couldn't plan for them either beforehand. I was almost ready to marry her I swear Also, dumping someone just because he or she not making an effort to meet the friends is silly and is a 5th grader attitude. That's what I think. Its not that I wasn't making an effort but things didn't line up for some reason or other!

What I am doing right now -
Planning to move on by taking Salsa lessons, go for skydiving, take a trip to Vegas, go to Canada, Open a online product company, learn tarot reading etc and not getting into any relationship for at-least a month.

Feedback will be appreciated.

_________________
See, ya are what ya are in this world. That's either one of two things: Either you're somebody, or you ain't nobody.

Anyone has any feedback or a similar incident?

_________________
See, ya are what ya are in this world. That's either one of two things: Either you're somebody, or you ain't nobody.

The two of you had sex only twice within a 4 month span?

In all likelihood the culprit was that you chose not to hold the sexual frame. The excuse that you showed little initiative to get to know her friends is just that, an excuse (to end things).

At this point I'd cut all contact completely. By doing so you achieve the following 1) demonstrate to her, and more importantly yourself that you aren't needy, 2) it plays into the old adage "absence makes the heart grow founder" - if she truly likes you, she'll have a chance to miss you and hopefully at some point down the road contacts you (now you're the pursued), 3) helps you free up psychic energy for new women and new opportunities.

She said she was having pains in her abdomen due to cyst and should not have sex.
I believed her. Also she was not keen on sex either.

Thanks for the feedback.

_________________
See, ya are what ya are in this world. That's either one of two things: Either you're somebody, or you ain't nobody.

Doesn't sound very forthcoming. Regardless of her reason(s) I'd simply cut all contact for the aforementioned reasons.

Definitely I am going to do that. Thanks for your advice.

_________________
See, ya are what ya are in this world. That's either one of two things: Either you're somebody, or you ain't nobody.