I'll be totally honest, I'm not sure what I expect out of this thread or really why I'm writing it, but I guess I just need to vent. If this is the wrong place for this, feel free to move it.

So I met this girl on the way to a train stop downtown a few weeks ago, we'll call her Jane. Had a pretty crazy night trying to get home, but we finally did and it ended up being at her place at college, she's 21. We fooled around and she went down on me, but nothing more happened because it was that time of month for her. We were supposed to go to dinner and a movie a couple weeks later but I was feeling like crap so we just went to see a movie and nothing else happened since I was sick.

Anyways, started talking to a different girl on a dating site and we hit it off, we'll call her Sue. Texted for a few days, then met her and her friends out at the bars Saturday night but didn't hang out long since it was her friend's birthday and we just ended up getting split up which was fine. Went out to dinner and had a blast with her last night and ended up making out when I dropped her off at her car. She texted me today and we've been talking all day. Going out to dinner again Thursday and then a baseball game Saturday.

So here's the thing, I had told Jane I'd go out to dinner with her tonight a few days ago before I actually met Sue. After all that happened over the weekend, I felt like it would just be misleading and wrong to take Jane out. So an hour and a half before the date I just decided to be honest with her and tell her I met someone else and that I didn't feel right in taking her out because of this, and I felt, and still feel terrible about doing this, like karma is going to come and kick me right in the balls. Sue seemed pissed/upset but she took it pretty well overall.

I know I should have told her earlier today, but I just didn't get the balls to do it until right before the date. Has anyone else had experience with this or am I the only dick here?

Well....at least you told the girl in honesty....lol. I think guilt is natural here....but not see where you're coming from. It's not like you emotionally manipulated sue into thinking ur not dating any other girls did you? If so, then you should have some remorse here

Do you mean Jane? Jane was the one I pretty much blew off tonight. I mean I wasn't "dating" anyone else, I made out with someone when I visited home for a few days but we were both wasted and me and Jane were far from exclusive, we had only hung out that one night.

You're fine.

lmao...

roflmao...

ctfu...

have you ever heard the saying don't put all your eggs in one basket? these women are not your girlfriend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jane might flake on you 2maro, Sue might flake on you 2maro. When you decide to chose one, you let the other one go.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJ7P3dG8MmY

Condescending much? Trust me, I know all about that, but I've also learned to not pursue something that I see no future in at all. I'm not going to date someone just because. I lost a lot of interest in Jane before I even met Sue. When I met Sue it kind of just made me think that Jane just wasn't who I was looking for.

Is there any chance that when you meet Laura you'll get the feeling that Sue isn't who you were really looking for?

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Dude, you were extremely fair and honest. I don't fuck with multiple girls at the same time, but I do date around. I'd have just taken her out and kept it on the friendly tip. Your way was more honest and took more guts. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

condescending? Try indecisive lol...

I would not have told her I met someone else. That just hurts her feelings and makes her thnk someone else is better than her. How would that make you feel?

Reaver: Hello?

Sue: Hi

Reaver: whats up?

Sue: I want Jimmy more than I want you.

Reaver: *ouch*

I probably would have hung out with her. You know you guys can still be friends, you could have put her in the "friends zone"...guys can do that too! I would have hung out with her though and had a good evening. Then never called her again if I did not want to be friends.If she calledd me I would tell her a reason, i would find a reason a pretext to stop talking to her without making her feel "not good enough"

maybe say 1.) Im just dating casually right now
2.) Maybe point out some differences thatyou guys have that make you guys incompatible.
3.) Maybe you tell her your job has you to busy to date.
4.) maybe you tell her you want to be celibate

and always FIRM but friendly.

Very bad. But it is a bullet-proof way to make sure you convey the it's over message.

Dating casually is something a girl might decide to cope with for a while, hoping to eventually win you over.
Differences can be adjusted, or at least she could act like she is willing to move towards you
As for the job, girls can wait
And finally, being celibate, is the same as dating casually. A girl might want to stick around and wait for the change to come.

"I met somebody else" is harsh - but also works best for "you, girl, quickly get out of here and move on with your life".

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nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)

Try moving on when you're wounded...

she's angry because you hurt her feelings, lol...

At the end of the day you tell her we have differences and thats why its over. its over...firm and unyielding, like a brick wall. Over, Over, Over...but i know someone else will love you just the way you are, never change.

You tell her you are dating casually, so there wil not be a relationship. She gave you head on the first day so she ought to understand...

Tell her lets just be friends...friends without dick!

Tell her you want to be celibate...you could be religious. You could just want time to yourself.

just be more emphatetic next time shit! She's a female treat her like a lady!

I respectfully disagree. I had taken a girl out I really liked a few months ago, date went really well, I was a pussy and didn't kiss her goodnight which I think put her off. Regardless, she was real flaky with me after that so I just straight up asked her what the deal was. She told me she met some other dude at work and that she was sorry she didn't just tell me in the first place. Yeah, it sucked, but it was SO much better than being led on and clueless.

Jane was very persistent and even when I told her I met someone else she told me I was giving up too soon and that I should have given it a chance. And putting her in the friend zone would have been nearly impossible considering we already fooled around. I've tried to be friends with girls I wasn't interested in and they were interested in me and it has been disastrous. They end up being very resentful and it doesn't work out.

Everyone gets dumped, and it sucks, but she'll move on just like I have when I've gotten dumped in the past.

Had I said we have differences, it would have turned into a long and drawn out conversation with her trying to convince me to take a chance.

Like seagull said, saying you're dating casually still gives her that open window to where she thinks we still might go out and we'd still be communicating.

I just explained the friends thing in my previous post.

She knows I'm not religious as I had already told her that, and that would be ridiculous considering she's already given me head.

Trust me, it's not something I wanted to do, but I didn't want to lead her on. I feel like the options you put out on the table would have been MUCH worse since she would have still felt like something was going on. Yeah, it was a dick move to do it right before a date, but I feel like we would have been wasting each other's time when it wouldn't have gone anywhere.

If you are firm and resolute there will be no confusion. ANd those options would have made her feel much better. You hurt her, you hurt her...you made her feel much worse. . . . much worse than need be.

We live in the real world, not an ideal world where people should be able to hanlde the truth. Fact is people can't handle the truth. Fact is people are fragile. And you have to make choices. You have to chose between truth and heartache, honesty and depression, veracity and insecurity...

Like you said somebody hurt you like that before. So I guess its true what they say

"Hurt people hurt people"

on the short term very probably so. they allow a self-indulging mentality "things might change" - "I can change things" - "let me ask my best friend, she will know what to do" - ...
on the longer term, hitting a wall works better.. you get up and go some other direction.. true, it hurts, it hurts a lot, but it heals faster.
I wished my ex-ex-GF had been straightforward with me, instead of keeping options open. It would have saved me a lot of AFC-pain.
That has some truth to it, but it is unrelated.
Breakups and heartbreaks happen, unfortunately. If you are playing the game, you are going to face the consequences, good and otherwise. Better be ready for it.
What you should never do is willingly plan and execute other people's heartbreaks for egotistic purposes.

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nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)