Hi everyone - I posted a quick introduction thread in the introduction forum, but wanted to go into a little more detail here about what I see my problem as being, how to change, and best ways to do it.

To put it bluntly, I am 31 and an AFC. Wasn't too aware of the community before today - had read The Game, heard of the VH1 show, and seen a few videos on Youtube but never gave it much though. I used to be okay with women, but things have dropped in the last two years. Went through a tough time with redundancy and some other things, yadda yadda yadda, and it knocked my confidence. Over the course of the last year or so I have had a lot of dates (from meeting girls in bars and clubs, POF and Match). In that time only 1 has not met me for a second date, but on the other hand I have never had a first date lay, so I hardly have first dates down either.

But only today I got dumped (after a month) and I think I have the main problem figured out. Things tend to fizzle after about a month, this latest only rienforces that to me - I have spent the last few hours trawling the boards to try and pin point what my deal is.

Basically I am slow at escalating, slow at making the first move etc. I kind of know when I should but don't force myself into it. And I have put this down to a lack of sexual confidence. Lately, in the past 2 years, when I am with a girl in bed I can't seem to get out of my head, and the sex is, how to put it - quiet! Where as before there were screams, moaning and filthy talk.

The story with the latest girl to chuck me is a kind of a repeat pattern, so I will go through it to see what you make of it.

Basically I thought things were going well, we had been seeing each other for about a month, but from reading through the posts here I know I should be looking to fuck a girl on the first or second date, and by the months end we had fooled around (most things without me actually sticking my dick in her). She seemed really into me (as far as I could tell) and was always texting me (without me initiating). I took that as a good sign.

Anyway, she came over yesterday and things were going well and we went to my bed and I got some last minute resistance. I cracked a joke, nothing major, and she started into this fucking giggling fit. Never seen that before. At first I was thinking 'is she laughing at my cock lol, but she'd had it in her mouth before with no complaints'. So anyway, don't know what the deal was there. Then she goes for a glass fo water comes back and says she doesnt want to rush into sex and soon after leaves.

Today she texts saying she is under a lot of stress and that she cant commit to a relationship and it isnt fair on me. I didn't need MPUA Forums to tell me that was horseshit and, a little annoyed, told her she wasnt being honest and asked what was up. She said that was the real reason and she wasnt comfortable sleeping with me knowing how she felt.

I know this is crap and she lost attraction, and after looking through the forums (and I probably knew deep down), its because any kind of my lack of sexual confidence and that is desexualising me for her. So I replied that it was no big deal and wished her luck. She replied again saying thanks and maybe we would bump into each other soon and a have a drink but I havent and wont reply again.

So thats kind of a repeating pattern for me. There is a girl in a nearby city who I have been seeing every now and again since xmas purely to fuck, I'm not that into her and seem to have no problems there. Its the ones I like where I fuck up.

So, need to tie this novel up - would you agree its a sexual confidence thing? And if so - the best way to break out of this?

I'm guessing its to get the sex involved early and if it doesnt happen soon then move on.

Any help is appreciated, thanks. Off to read through the forums a bit more now.

Welcome...

For me, I always remove any doubt that 'sex' isn't on the table quickly as an option.

If called out, I tell them directly, never even looking away, that I AM a very sexual person, it's part of what makes me whom I am, and I can't apologize for being ME. If the rapport is truly great, I'll even do a takeaway, and say somethign to the effect of "Maybe you're just too vanilla for me...and that's cool...that works for you."

I suggest walking away from this chick - she already did, and fuck others.

Practice practice practice - the best part is - practice is fun!

Sarge on!

RR

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Women are like ceramic tile.... if you do the prep work, and lay them properly the first time...you can walk all over them for years to come.

Thanks RR, appreciate it!

No problems in walking away from this one, in fact I have no plans to contact her again, even if she gets in touch with me. Thankfully once it is clear its over I can usually move on pretty fast and haven't even succumbed to the drunk texting yet.

It was purely how to break out of the rut I was interested in, and I like your method of putting it all on the table up front and being confident in that. I have always been a bit nicey nicey to be honest. I tease girls and am playful, but it always stops short of being sexual - and I need to change that.

Like you say, its fun.

Need to get out this weekend and see what I can make happen. Of course, will have to brush up on sarging (awesome term!).

Oh, don't completely walk away.....

trust me.... a VERY important part of my game is the retread.

You can drop a random/funny text to her in 2 months.... and if she responds, escalate the text to a sexual conversation. Then phase shift and close.

Sometimes they're easier, as you've already had the kino escalation once....

I call it throwing out an empty hook, and seeing if a fish you've caught before jumps back on it... In the end, you lose nothing but a text. You potentially gain a FB.

RR

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Women are like ceramic tile.... if you do the prep work, and lay them properly the first time...you can walk all over them for years to come.

Ohhhh - would never have thought of that! Thanks.

In fact, I still have most of the numbers of the girls over the past few months who 'weren't ready for a relationship' lol, so I could try that with a few to see how it goes.

Any pointers on random texts to drop in?

"Wanna help me rob a bank?"


No matter what she replies with... you then send "Seriously, I need an accomplice, you driving or shooting?"

Then you have an avenue of discussion open. You can turn it sexual by texting next "How bout you ride, and I'll do all the shooting" or you can role-play it for a while (which I will start, but then cut-off...my goal is to close, not text all day).

Always use time differentials as well.

RR

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Women are like ceramic tile.... if you do the prep work, and lay them properly the first time...you can walk all over them for years to come.

Haha, man thats awesome! I love that. Going to give it a try and see how it goes.

Brilliant