Hi guys,

I finished a 7 year relationship last month and moved to London. I've been going to a coffee shop for lunch etc. (takeaway) for about the past month since I started my new job and 2 days ago I asked one of the waitresses out for drinks (brought some flowers, don't ask why, I don't know what I was thinking at the time, I figured it would show balls to do it in a busy coffee shop) and she gave me her number.

I phoned yesterday but it went to voicemail, so I sent a text saying "hi, how's it going? here's my number". No response today but when I went in to grab my lunch I noticed her (off duty) sitting at a table with a friend. I pretended not to notice them but she hid her face with her hand and pretended to fiddle with her phone.

I'm not sure how to interpret these signals, have I messed it up by going in everyday for lunch/coffee after getting her number? I didn't think anything of it as I've been doing that for the past month anyway but perhaps it has scared her a little?

The only other thing I can think of is that she is shy, but if so surely she isn't shy enough to send a text message? Especially given she works in a public facing job.

If she wasn't interested then surely she wouldn't have given me her number in the first place, is it some sort of game?

Any thoughts or suggestions? I haven't bothered contacting her again since.

Thanks, Joe

Wow, I got a lot of thoughts. You are a regular customer there and you are probably a nice guy. She gets hit on a lot at work as many "hired guns" or women hired for their looks are. She out of politeness gave you her phone number cause she thinks you are nice, or cause she didn't want to upset a loyal customer....maybe even a bit of both.

If you see her out and she is hiding her face with her hands and fiddling with her phone like she's busy to avoid talking to you the signs are pretty crystal clear to me that she isn't interested and hoping you'll get the hint through her body language and her not contacting you back.

She's just not interested, so make life easy on her, let her go, and good luck with the next girl you talk to. Maybe even take a break from going in there for lunch for a few days or so. Remember don't treat it as any kind of big deal and it won't be.

Jon

_________________
Been around the world twice, Talked to everyone once...

Slow your frequency then back off for a while.

Go back 2 weeks later, and hit on another waitress.

RR

_________________
Women are like ceramic tile.... if you do the prep work, and lay them properly the first time...you can walk all over them for years to come.

Damn, I was hoping that wouldn't be the case, she was really nice.

Hitting on another waitress later on, may sway her into realizing you're someone to be remembered. Nice guys aren't remembered.

I suggest watching Kezia's video on "nice guys". You'll see a hot chick/PUA telling you WHY the nice guy never gets the pussy.

You can be a GOOD guy, just don't be the NICE guy...rework your approach, slow the drawdown to your exit over a week, then wait 2 weeks and go back. If she asks where you've been and she has other waitresses around, neg her. If she's alone and asks - tell her it was a secret, smile and either walk away, or put your finger up, tell her "I feel bad, but I have to make a call"... then either make a call or fake one - whatever. Don't show her anything phases you, show her that you don't give a shit. YOU control the conversation; where it goes and when it ends. Be the different guy, not the nice guy that hits on her all the time.

If you can hit on another waitress and she's receptive - I'd F-close her. If you tap it properly, she'll talk about it with her friends there - and she'll subliminally DHV you to your original target.

then - Game on.

RR

RR

_________________
Women are like ceramic tile.... if you do the prep work, and lay them properly the first time...you can walk all over them for years to come.

Thanks, I'll have a look for that video.

I'm actually out of the city all next week anyway so I'll do nothing and see what happens in a couple of weeks.

To be honest, I'd actually rather she just never gave me her number at all than play these sort of games. I don't think it would be because the coffee shop would lose my custom, it's a large chain and my custom probably wouldn't affect them anyway.

Customer service has nothing to do with it.

She felt obligated, uncomfortable and awkward - obviously. Proof? She ducked you dude.

Remove yourself from the equation for a while, then when you re-insert yourself, you control the dynamics moving forward. Perception here is the key.

RR

_________________
Women are like ceramic tile.... if you do the prep work, and lay them properly the first time...you can walk all over them for years to come.

Thanks for the honesty.

Oh well, plenty more fish in the thames.

Hey, I didn't say give up yet... I said let it marinate.... then try to conquer from a different angle.

_________________
Women are like ceramic tile.... if you do the prep work, and lay them properly the first time...you can walk all over them for years to come.

Got an update, I took your advice Rodeo and I didn't visit the coffee shop for a while and got a text message yesterday from her saying thanks for the flowers, but that she should say that she has a boyfriend but we can still be friends if I want, not sure if it's true because if so then I would have expected her not to give me her number and she probably would have mentioned the bf earlier.

I'm thinking of asking if she would like to go out for drinks anyway, she doesn't really know a lot about me (same for me I guess) but I'm not sure if I should bother or if there is a better approach, any ideas guys?

Thanks!

She didn't have to send anything...you had already exited from the equation. Her very text to you is an IOI. Now then, that's provided you didn't go there, and haven't been in contact with her.... And if you haven't, and it was her text to you - it's an IOI, ask anyone.

That said - don't move on her at all. Go back when you know she's there and hit on another waitress, or a customer. Open a random set. Always be upbeat and smiling (but not like a jackass). Randomly engage others, men, women, whomever.

You build a new YOU. You'll have the chance to become the attractive man with an edge she will want - but you also show her you're not pining for her, nor may you even be available yourself. You pull this off right - and even let her SEE you with another woman - and she'll always remember the flowers and cuss that fucker she's dating for not doing it... Then you build the new you - and use the flowers early on as a DHV spike.

Game on brother!

RR



(I'm a twisted man, MY mind says to fuck another waitress there and you'll end up fucking her, too...)

_________________
Women are like ceramic tile.... if you do the prep work, and lay them properly the first time...you can walk all over them for years to come.

Thanks, and sorry if it sounds stupid but I'm just out a 7 year relationship. Surely going and hitting on other waitresses there whilst ignoring her will make me look like a jackass? Is giving me an IOI but saying she has a bf just a face saving technique e.g if I did reply to meet and she didn't like me for whatever reason then she can use that or is it more mind games?

You're pro at this, so much I need to learn lol

She's in a relationship = she's unavailable.

You're free to do as you please. It shows her you don't give a shit if she sees you hit on someone else or not - it shows you are a man of worth. It clicks in her mind that you're pre-selected, you'd shown interest in HER, but it was HER choice to have the boyfriend...

Every other guy would never do that - THAT's the point . Be different.

_________________
Women are like ceramic tile.... if you do the prep work, and lay them properly the first time...you can walk all over them for years to come.

Hahaa yes thats the point. Part of being good with women is being the biggest jackass possible without overly offending them.

Do you realize how painfully boring it is to get bored out of your mind talking to many guys who are all too nice and plain. Its torture.

I think you have to thoroughly drop her. Move on to another waitress and just simply be polite with her when you see her. If she comes around which she will, i suggest you just play it cool.

If you are going to ask her out make sure its a group thing this time and tag alobg then other waitress you have "befriended."

_________________
Bow chika wow wow

Thanks guys, good news though, just came across her facebook profile and the relationship status is "single".

GAME ON!

Edit: That must be why she didn't hesitate to write down her number. Been reading up more and like you said, I think the jealousy angle is the one to go for.