Dear PUAs,

This is my first post on this forum. After reading through some of the topics, this community convinced me. So I decided to sign up and hope to get some help with my current challenge. I am planning to contribute to the community on the long run but now I am just a new member and more rely on your help.

The girl
The girl I am interested in is enrolled at the same university from where we know each other. I would consider her a 7/10 and she is a very shy girl. She does not seem to socialize much or talk to random people, however, in a face-to-face discussion, she talks a lot! She is rather analytical and not good at making decisions. In a way, she is a bit weird, but I am really into her. She is Chinese and grew up in China. I'm Caucasian.

Getting to know her was not hard and we seemed to connect immediately. I also had a few IOIs, or am I mistaking them with friend-IOIs?

Possible IOIs
- She once played with her hair a lot when sitting next to me.
- She asked for my number
- She always agrees if I suggest to hang out. So far this has been 3x. Once for lunch, coffee and river-promenade (lots of talking)
- When we meet, she seems a bit nervous at the beginning and tries to keep the conversation going. Later, she starts talking a lot and seems to be comfortable. Intellectually, we connect 100%.

I am struggling to progress and not sure what to do next. I can meet her again and again for coffee but that leads nowhere. In my view, I have serious problems with KINO and Cat-String-Theory.

Kino
I have no experience with kino-technique and generally I'm not good at using body-language. Touching her does not seem natural but rather weird (I never did it). I am not that funny guy who can crack jokes combine the touching with that.

Cat-String-theory
She asked for my number but besides that, she never takes the initiative, never calls first, never writes first. If I don’t contact her, nothing is gonna happen. But if I ask to hang out, she always accepts (3x so far).

Competiton
There is another guy who is also interested in her. He is more dominant, very funny and ahead with kino. When they talk, they touch each other’s arm and lap every few minutes. He may play well but I am not sure how to interpret this, though. Maybe they are just deeply in the friend-zone. Anyway, he seems to be good at kino but compared to him, I am able to have better conversations and connect better intellectually with her. But that seems to play little role as I have found by recent research.

So how would you proceed? I am kind of lost.

Thanks for the inputs! Anything is appreciated..

This situation seems to be the likes of when you have the comfort built up but are lacking kino which probably resulted in lack of sexual tension between you two. If you dont create sexual tension then you would be frend-zoned. Thus to avoid that, next time you meet go prepared with some kino routines. Things like palm reading or ring routine(while holding hands) are great icebreakers. Just google them & you'll know.
There seems to be some misconception about cat-string theory here.. I feel Cat-String theory is not limited to just making the initiative. I have many times used catstring concept while giving compliments, which commends her on something, giving her some IOI, but then immediately takes it back from her in a very playful manner, which opens the gates for hugs and other types of kinos.
eg. i once said to a girl i met -- "you look prettier"... she blushed and took the IOI. As within seconds wen she was finished digesting the compliment, i told her "-- but you know what they say about pretty girls ryt... They have small brains .." and i immediately side hugged her saying -- "hahah... just kidding... "
Now, you need to have a strong inner game plus you need to make sure not to make yourself aloof while playing too much alpha here, because you seem to describe having a strong player competitor. Anyway, i would not worry about that other guy, as long as i keep doing kino and escalations properly. And be confident, dont focus on just one girl.
As somebody very famous said -- "To get the girl you want, you have to risk losing her..."

_________________
-- Jack
Patience and Calibration are the keys for the perfect seduction
[++ reputation if this seems the right thing to do ]

Thanks Jacklei for your inputs and clarifying my misconception about cat-string theory.

I am now reading about kino-routines and may use some of these techniques when I meet her next time. I'm trying to find a routine that is fine for absolute beginners as I am really not the body-language / touchy kind of guy.

So far, I have never used kino on her. So it may seem a bit unnatural and confusing to her if I suddenly try. But I'll observe her reactions. And I have no other choice as it seems necessary to progress, especially with the limited time-frame that I have due to my competitor.

I am new as well, with very little contact with the actual PUA methods actually. If you accept, however, here are some of my ideas:

The girl


It's great that you're into her as a person and you seem to have a good rapport with each other. I studied in China for a while and what I can tell about Chinese girls is that on average, it's important for them that a man is able to take the lead. If she lacks initiative, don't take that as ignorance.

Possible IOIs
- She once played with her hair a lot when sitting next to me.
- She asked for my number
- She always agrees if I suggest to hang out. So far this has been 3x. Once for lunch, coffee and river-promenade (lots of talking)
- When we meet, she seems a bit nervous at the beginning and tries to keep the conversation going. Later, she starts talking a lot and seems to be comfortable. Intellectually, we connect 100%.

All good signs, her being a bit nervous may indicate that she fancies you too. She being now comfortable with you seems like a victory. I doubt she would volunteer to hand her phone number (it tends to be just as difficult for girls, or even more so) and agree to hang out with you if she wasn't genuinely interested. Connecting intellectually very is important as well. Good rapport is essential, especially in a potential relationship scenario.

Kino
I have no experience with kino-technique and generally I'm not good at using body-language. Touching her does not seem natural but rather weird (I never did it). I am not that funny guy who can crack jokes combine the touching with that.

How about try taking it slow and let's say, give her a compliment. Compliment her appearance and mind. If she responds in a favourable way, touch her hand or cheek (just not in a creepy way) and give eye contact (important). Be sincere.

Cat-String-theory
She asked for my number but besides that, she never takes the initiative, never calls first, never writes first. If I don’t contact her, nothing is gonna happen. But if I ask to hang out, she always accepts (3x so far).

As I said about an average Chinese girl, you are expected to be the Man. Don't be too dominant, but allow her to view you as someone she can rely on to make initiatives.

Competiton
There is another guy who is also interested in her. He is more dominant, very funny and ahead with kino. When they talk, they touch each other’s arm and lap every few minutes. He may play well but I am not sure how to interpret this, though. Maybe they are just deeply in the friend-zone. Anyway, he seems to be good at kino but compared to him, I am able to have better conversations and connect better intellectually with her. But that seems to play little role as I have found by recent research.

Mental connection plays far more important part for the girls, especially relationship wise. Clowns don't make much of seducers.

I don't see you having too much problems with this. My advice is to discreetly indicate her that you appreaciate her. Compliment and slowly getting more into kino should take you to the right direction. Be sincere and be genuine, she'll appreciate it.

Dude, ramp up the kino NOW! Ramp up the sexual talk NOW! If you want this girl you will have to be BOLD!

Seriously, that other guy, assume he is NOT in the friend-zone. How motivated do you feel now?

How do you kino? Google Dicarlo's escalation ladder. This is extremely important. Without this you will get nowhere.

Can't crack jokes or be funny? Are you like this in general or only around girls? Around your friends, do you crack jokes? Are you funny around them? If you are, then you ARE a funny guy and just have a mental block when around girls.

Your attitude is important here. You must be unaffected if you don't get her, but still go after her boldly.

Invite her out for drinks. "Hey we are going to this place tomorrow night, you should come along."

Connect at an intellectual level? OK. But what about an emotional one? This is far more important. Is she laughing around you? Does she have a GOOD TIME with you?

IOIs are IOIs. So yes, she has interest for you. Remember to be yourself, have FUN, lead, ramp up the kino and sexual talk, and be bold without apologizing. If you feel the time is right you can literally say, "I think you're cute. How would you feel if I kissed you?" or "I wanna kiss you."

while reading this last line.. i came up with an exciting way to try out for a kiss...
Hey dude, field test it and lemme know if it works (which i am pretty sure it will lol )

So, while having conversation, just say bluntly (unapologetic sexual behavior, + cocky/funny attitude) --

You: ...(blah blah)... i so much wanna kiss you right now, but you have got this little thing on your lips which makes me say .. eeeewww (pointing at her lips as if she has some leftover food or some disgusting thing leftover)
Her: where..?? (she would try to wipe it out as if something was really there)
You: (after playing/teasing with her a little bit) hahha... there's nothing, i was just pulling legs with ya...(mischievous smirk on face)
And then if you feel she was not uncomfortable with the idea of kissing.. then go --
You: but hey, do you wanna kiss me...!!
(If she says no - say, i did not say you could. you just looked like you wanted to... || but if she says maybe then go for the kiss saying -- lets find out)

(Now what just happened was, that you introduced the prospect of you guys kissing, which planted an idea on the back of her mind, subconcious mind. But before that awkward silence could take over the conversation, you quickly sliced it out, by making the moment intriguing, by saying something about her. Her mind got engrossed with what you said about her, and thus there was no uncomfortable reaction/silence/scene. And you got to calibrate your next move gauging her reaction. Plus, kissing already introduced in her subconcious mind, which makes sure she would have her stranger alarm go far less, when next time you try out the move)
Also, if this does not work out you already had the cocky/funny tones in this whole snippet, which would portray you just playing around (i mean, having fun) with her. So you dont look AFC and also dont lose your status with her, giving her a fun time.

_________________
-- Jack
Patience and Calibration are the keys for the perfect seduction
[++ reputation if this seems the right thing to do ]