Ok so this is long. Read last two paragraphs if you're lazy. Complicated situation I guess. Many of you will say to move on, but sorry, I'm not. Yet at least.

21 and in college to preface. Girl I'm going after is my best friend's girlfriend's best friend. I'm also really good friends with his girlfriend. (aka the two girls are best friends, my buddy's friend is the ones i'm good friends with). i'm sure i didn't lose you. so yeah i have a bit insider knowledge access being that i can get info from this girls best friend and she talks to my best friend as well. i've known her through my friend for probably almost 2 years but only occasionally have seen her when we pre-game on weekends. always friendly with her but now much as she's had a boyfriend for at least 2 years. girl is drop dead gorgeous, btw.

so here's where i come in. few weeks ago she breaks up with her boyfriend. she started messing around with another guy around the same time, so what. So last week I decide to ask her friend (again the girl i'm good friends with), if it would be out of line for me to text her ask her to hang out. she says i probably shouldn't as she's too confused about shit with her X. i somewhat take her advice.. some flirty texting but don't ask her to hang out or anything. friday night i find out through my friend she thinks i'm cute. of course she does. saturday night we had planned we were going to pre-game and go out together along with a bunch of others. things turn out a bit better than expected as we ended up spending the whole night at the bar/club dancing together. it was her that kept pulling me over to her.

no need to explain much more as i find out during that night that she's into me and stopped messing around with the other guy cuz she wants me. that night we went back to her place around 2 along with my best friend 'couple' (so the 4 of us). we watch a movie til like 3 something, my other two friends go to sleep, and me and the girl stay up talking til 5 something. i was told by both my friends ahead of time to not try anything as the other reason she stopped messing around with the first guy is he tried to take things too quick. obvious attraction though, i'm told she likes me, and we seemed to have a great connection that night. next day she says that night was the best time she's had in a while. might've been the best time i ever had.

shit this is getting lengthy. hang on, almost done! so i've been texting her a bit, playing games with her and stuff, but not much as i don't want it to seem like i'm crowding her or super interested or anything. i ask the other girl last night what info she's gotten from the girl i like: she says she doesn't want anything right now she needs to be on her own while she gets over her X (this is through her friend, obviously i didn't ask her this).

So, in total. Obvious signs of attraction, in my opinion on a deep, possibly relational level (that's my goal). But on the other hand she doesn't want anything now and I was also told she needs me to be her friend and not someone she feels like she needs to hook up with.

So obviously I wouldn't be writing this and caring this much if I didn't have strong feelings for her. For me its worth it to pursue.. she's amazing. So what the hell do I do in this situation? I'm not really sure how often to text her, how flirtatious I should be, etc. She always answers my texts, but at the same time I don't want to overwhelm her (or does she need someone to talk to all day)? I really think my best course of action is to hang out with her in person as much as possible, but not sure how to go about it without her thinking i'm trying to push things along too quickly.

Right...

Well....this is a very outcome dependency situation isn't it?

There are a lot of theories out there, and a lot of them work but some just sadly don't apply in every situation. If she 'fooled around' with another guy, it could mean she just had sex with another guy for validation. Personally girls always have sex quickly for validation...

I don't know if this is what "fooled around" means. I doubt that girl's best girlfriend is the best source of info..but for me I could give less of a fuck. You have two choices...grovel over this 1 gorgeous girl and take things slow and risk being her little bitch friend until she finds the next guy that she fools around with..

Or...just be that next guy that she fools around with (lets be real she probably is NOT looking for another relationship).

I would just escalate the fuck out of this girl sexually and not give a fuck. But before doing so I would DHV myself as having plenty of fucking options.

It's all on how you want to play. Either way, this seems fucking slow.

i aggree i would just ecliate things sexually get in and then leave dont text her dont call her. aviod her. let her miss what she used to have when you would text her freeze her out. then in 2 weeks call her act like you never stoped talking to her dont say i missed you let her think that u didnt. also on a side note dont jus get hung up on this one girl get out there and find another. one itis sucks

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dont chase, replace

college is over in less then a month, i graduate, ha, not an option.
very outcome dependent indeed. definitely a huge risk as i could waste a lot of time for nothing. but what kind of man would i be if i wasn't willing to take that risk if i thought it was truly worthwhile?

i don't know to what level they fooled around. i didn't ask, i don't care. probably validation. at that time i expressed no interest in her. seems as if once i started expressing interest she dropped him and gave huge signs of liking me.

i DO want to avoid being her bitch friend. i won't let that happen. there are many reasons i want to play this the right way, many of which you guys won't understand (i mean, you can't, you aren't me and don't know the situation).

I know I can't just play it fucking slow and just be her friend, even if she thinks that's what she wants. If I did that, in 4 weeks I'd be out of college and I'd be left with spending my last month making a good friend. I need to find a way to escalate things while leaving her feeling perfectly comfortable with the situation. The goal is relationship, not just hooking up. I have other girls I can hook up with if I wanted that.

so how do I escalate while keeping her comfortable? I know I need to hang out with her in person. Given that I know she has interest in me, is it better for me to text her more or less often to build further attraction?

my thoughts are that i try to hang out with her this week and make my decision based on what happens then. if nothing really happens then maybe it's best to move on. i had a chick stay over that friday night who was all over me so whatever i've got an easy score with her this weekend if i want it and a shit ton of others were hitting on my last weekend. but with all that all i was thinking of was this one chick, so i'm going to throw everything i've got at it and see what i can do.

need your guys help though

It's definitely tough. It seems like this girl is some girl you can see yourself with...and you guys have a lot of shared commonality of interests...otherwise what qualifications have you really used on her?

First thing to be honest about is if you want the Long term relationship, to make sure she's the one you want it with. And then really my man..if you are about taking worthwhile chances, you better escalate fast.

True, a girl is not comfortable with fast escalation...BUT if you can stay strong in it...and respect its the best thing you can do for her...then hey maybe its worth the risk. Then again....the woman's point of view and emotions cloud her judgment.

Also what you definitely don't want to do is admit why you like her, show her all this love and attention just from a few things...women really fucking hate that romantic AFCism. They just want it to "just happen" like a romance novel.

As a guy, you have to take the lead. How you do it...is really up to you.

I'd say if you know you'll see her after graduation, to take things slow....but really its all about...time constraints

Really appreciate the advice brother. She lives about 3 hours away in a different state, so its not like we'll be hanging out too much after graduation unless i can escalate to the point where she's dying to see my after graduation. that's the goal. its far but its not bad seeing as the other two (my best friend and her best friend) live right next to her. so the 4 of us getting together is likely.. given i can get to the point i mentioned.

any suggestions as to how i can show my interest without being AFC about it? How can I DHV? Clearly telling her.. oh yeah i hooked up with another girl last weekend, you should grab me before its too late.. won't work. I need to express I have genuine interest in her without her feeling like she's got me on a chain. I'm the one she should be chasing, not the other way around.

Lol ah the DHV "i have another interested girl ull never meet" routine. Haha. Yea...that won't work. Especially if she's not already interested. The goal of those stories is just to get her interested to a point...but it won't make her dying to get with you just because. Similar if a girl said..I have so many guys after me to a guy who really doesn't care for her.

You just keep conveying stories and you can sure as hell use that story but it has to be congruent/genuine. In the process you learn more about her, start escalating more...it seems "natural" that its just building. You don't have an agenda so to speak.

DHV can come through conversation, humor, wit, being respective of peoples comfort levels, and comfort/trust itself built through disinterest in indirect method.

haha oh boy this is worse than i thought. i should've waited to post this thread seeing as i just got my answer. i jokingly texted her saying 'you know, you still owe me a date' .. as it was something we had previously joked with (not an actual date, we were going to play a game).

about a minute later i get a text from her friend saying "what about taking it slow do you not understand?!?" and then a text from the girl saying i'm a nice guy but she's not looking for anything, she just wants to be friends.

i just answered saying i was kidding but thanks for being honest. game over. next!

Wow......

Can't believe I just read that.

What the whole thread or that last post? Haha

Lol..the last post I think your best option Mid now is to tell her you have a girlfriend in 2 days time to void any suspicion on the joke....I don't know...this just got fucked x_x. lol

haha yeah i'm having a mix dying of laughing at the situation, and then the next minute wanting to throw my fist through the wall for playing like such an AFC like I swore I wouldn't.

To clarify, I texted her each day since saturday night (sun-tues). Not much or anything, just a few texts each night when i was done with shit for the day. This was my mistake, I'm assuming, correct? Whatever I'll just go the easy route now and avoid contact with her haha

Crash and burn.... No big.

Move on. LOL...

Try to tap it in a month....

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Women are like ceramic tile.... if you do the prep work, and lay them properly the first time...you can walk all over them for years to come.

clap dem cheeks