Hello everybody, I'll post this as simple as possible and will give more background if needed later. I am 18 years old and I have had an open relationship with this girl for about 8 months now. It has been the longest period of seeing someone for me so far. At first I thought, that I won't get too emotional about it, as we only hook up for weekends, no texting or anything during weekdays. This is cool because that way we have much to talk about when we are together and i have a really great time being with her . But with time i have grown very fond of this girl. I believe she did the same with me, seeing her behaviour lately. She even slept at my place last 2 nights. She's the type of girl you can have great conversations with while being a great lover with hot body. NOW, I have had other women during our relationship and i think she had few other men aswell (don't know if she's seeing anyone else currently!!), but lately I've found myself thinking of her A LOT, I can't keep her out of my head. I want this girl to be my only. My question is how would you try to proceed from open relationship to having a monogamous relationship, while putting lowest risk at the current state of the relationship. I really like this girl, i totaly see her as my girlfriend, but on the other hand i do not want to screw up current relationship with her. Any thought is helpful

You two have a great relationship together.

Why do you want a monogamous relationship if everything goes perfectly fine.

The thing is those strong feelings you have for her right now will remain present all the time if you stay in the open relationship.

In a monogamous relationship those feelings disapear after 1-3 years in 98% of the cases. A healthy open relationship is the summum of all relationships there is because you both allow eachother to have a life thats fits you. The thing is you have to be able to surpress that jealousy and posessiveness inside you and look at her experiences with other guys as something you

Do you realy want exclusivity or do you simply want a stronger connection with her?

If you want exclusivity
Ask yourself, why would i want that?
Because if it is just possesiveness i can tell you that that is just a feeling you have that you can ignore.


If you want a stronger connection.
-Go on a holiday with her
-Visit things the two of you like together
-Make future plans with her
Build a life with her that none of the guys she's seeing can enter. The two of you have great conversation so trust that the emotional connection the two of you have will be unbreakable.

Let me tell you about my story a little bit.
My relationship has passed many stages

- First we were both monogamous (we were in love and everything we did was new and exiting)

- Second we started to cheat on eachother (i was happy but we were young and thought that what we did was wrong=fights)

- Third we became monogamous again and we rented a house together and had no lifes of our own (we started to behave like old boring people, raising cats, and having fights about who does the dishes, having sex once every 2 weeks, we became brother and sister that when theneed was there had sex just for the sake of it)

- I moved out and we lived apart again, slowly we started to have lifes of our own appart from the life we had togther and we became happyer persons.

- I broke up because i didn't want to be monogamous for the rest of my life with one girl.

- We found out we still liked eachother and eventhough we see other people we have now a stronger sexyer healthyer relationship we ever had before. An open relationship. And yes sometimes one of us feels that posessiveness you experience right now. But thats the point where you have to talk to eachother and convice eachother that what you have together cannot be broken by any of the people you two see.

CONCLUSION
Have a solid life together and alowing eachother to have a life of your own results in the most healty relationship i've ever been in. I'm happy every day now (and that has been different) and when i see her we have the most amazing sex (and that has been different too) conversations and stoy's to tell eachother. The desire to be together even came back (we lost that when we lived together)

For you now
But everyone has his own path in life and perhaps you should experience a monogamous relationship to see what it does for you. She is a talking open person as you say, so why hesitate? Put the options on the table with her to discuss them. The only thing you should not do is crawl into neediness and wanting to force her into something. Just discuss the options and remain that cool guy with that nice life on the side you've always been.

Google this: Egologie en Ontologie
Not sire if you can find it but its a philosopher called Emmanuel Levinas who talks about finding a balance between the ME (egologie) in the relationship and the WE (onthologie) in the relationship.

Ciao!

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HI

Eye opening post, thank you so much for this. +rep