Guys I need your advice please.

I met this hot girl about 3 months ago. She is a model from Spain and came to NY. She was a friend of a friend and rented a room off me in NY. At first we just hung out together and within two weeks we were having sex. Within a month she had practically moved in with me and stays in my room every night. We are now three months later, we hang out everyday and has started telling me that she loves me and has never felt this way about anyone before.

Im chilled about the relationship, love being with her but simply have a trust issue with her. I dont know how I should handle it or whether I should accept her explanation. Here is my dilemma.

When I first started seeing her I know she had been "seeing another guy" for about 3 months. It seems she was in a relationship for 4 years with a previous guy who lived in Switzerland. She explained whilst she never broke up with him, when she moved to Spain she started seeing him less and less and hadnt had sex with him in a long time and had started seeing other guys. It was a long distance relationship and this guy had just turned into a friend.

So when she moved in with me I didnt see it as such a big deal as we were having sex and that was it. The relationship has moved on and now I really like her. We decided to become an item and have even been on holiday together.

A month ago I posted a simple picture of us from our holiday on Facebook and tagged her. All her friends and mine started posting comments of how cute we looked together and what a great couple we make. She untagged herself and deleted the picture from her page.

I was naturally upset and asked her why? She explained that she didnt want to "hurt" her ex (the one she had been with for four years) and needed to clean up the relationship and properly end it.

I told her if she wanted to be with me then I expected honesty and she shouldnt be embarrassed of having a photo on Facebook of us together. She said she wasnt but all his friends and fam were on there and she genuinely didnt want to hurt him.

I wasnt happy but accepted this and she agreed to properly end it with him. She says she has but i know he still texts her calling her baby on a bi daily basis. On asking her why she says its because we are still close friends. It seems he was part of her life when she had no family and he means a lot to her. As he is in Switzerland and she is in NY I knwo they dont see each other but I didnt overly like the continued communication and told her. She promised to cut it down.

So after she "broke up" with him supposedly a week or so later I asked her whether she was going to change her status on Facebook to in a relationship with me (wanting to see if she really had broken up). She said it was too early but then said she would do it. She never did.

Ive pushed it a few times and she gets very moody saying ill just delete the whole facebook account. I dont need it. But for me as far as Im concerned it looks like she just doesnt want him knowing she has a new man.

A few days ago I posted a few photos of us out and about and she didnt seem to mind. (I later found out that she thought her ex couldnt see them as she had limited his profile). He did see them and texted her " Hi Baby Blah blah ablah. Then went on to end I like the photos of you and Tom together looks like your having fun".

She said she felt so bad as it must hurt him.

She had since gone away for two days to Boston for work. She called me the moment she arrived saying she misses me so much. However I looked at her facebook page and she has deleted all the photos of us together and also now has to "approve" any new tags.

Im in a big dilema. If i question her she will probably say i have to delete him and his family and I dont want to upset him. Or probably has just limited the ex and thinks I dont know she has hidden / deleted the photos.

What do i do? Everything else is amazing. We have sex twice a day. She is so caring, a lovley and beautiful girl and I dont know whether I just accept the fact that she will change the status when she is ready and allow photos or whether I am just like the other guy she "dropped" and will ultimately go back to her ex. She says Im crazy and should grow up. Facebook is irrelevant, but to me its more of what it stands for.

If on the other hand she is just genuinely not wanting to hurt him then should I accept this.

What should i do. She is calling me in a few hours do I mention it or not etc.

Should I make a joke of it with her on the phone like "So your hiding me again?" or not mention it till she gets back or be firm and annoyed?

I don't know the whole situation, and from your side of the story, to me, you seem to be putting way too much energy in this status thing on Facebook. Facebook has become more of a problem than a solution for our society. Old people don't know how to use it properly, and young people live and die by it as it if were the Holy Bible.

From what your saying, the relationship is great, you care about the girl, she cares about you - and that's all you need for the time being. You seem to be awfully hung up on letting the whole internet know you guys are together.

I would completely drop it...

I agree with you but its not that Im hung up on letting people know we ae together, I just want to know whether her reason for deleting our photos of us together is acceptable?

It's fuckin facebook. If you already don't trust her, break up with her.

_________________
These hos ain't loyal

I think your missing the point. I dont care about Facebook. But what I do care about is her letting another guy (her ex) think that they may still be in a relationship by shielding her FB activities from him.

Maybe the real question here is should I accept that she still communicates with him?

I think your WAAAAAAY out in left field. If you don't care about Facebook, truly, then this wouldn't be an issue whatsoever. The fact is, it is about Facebook, and you want the other guy to know she's with you. Understandably, it's a status thing, you need him, and everyone else to know you guys are together publicly.

Do you think this would be such an issue if Facebook didn't exist and she refused to text him pictures of you two?

It sounds a bit needy to me and for the wrong reasons, I can't possibly imagine fucking a model twice a day and needing to worry about another guy, much less one on another continent.

Thanks for your point of view. I posted this only because I wanted to see if people agreed whether I was being too "focused" with my view.

So basically what your saying is that whether your girl says shes in a relationship or not on Facebook is of no consequence to you. Whether she communicates with her ex is of no consequence either. Lastly if shes limiting the photos of you and her together so her ex cant see them but still doesnt admit shes in a new relationship is also not important.

I respect that. Maybe thats the frame of mind I need to take. Maybe I am caring too much.

But what you did get wrong is no I dont need others to know im in a relationship with a model as Im in that industry and I only really know models so its no big deal.

Thanks for the advice.

I think you're on the right track. Don't be insecure about ex's or even really acknowledge them. She's either going to stay with you or go back to one of them.. and there's really nothing you can do about that. She's with you NOW, so that's a point in your favor. If you show that you are insecure about an ex, then you lower your own value (girls want guys who are confident). If anything, express an interest in meeting the guy.. show your girl that the other dude doesn't make you insecure and that you don't consider them a threat (if the Ex-guy acts weird in that situation, then HE loses value).

-Wolf

_________________
Screening: drama-free-relationships-1-screening-vt124827.html
Bad Behavior: drama-free-relationships-3-the-soft-next-vt125554.html

No matter how much she tells you she has completely broken up with the other guy and she only wants you - the fact remains that she hasn't gotten over him yet. In fact, she is still in a dilemma about whether or not she will go back with him.

If you've broken up with somebody, you won't be 'scared' of hurting their feelings if you're tagged in a fucking photo on Facebook. It's not like you're penetrating her in those pictures (right . . . ?).

And the fact that she still talks to him in a cute way like that without telling him off is just generally concerning. I'm not saying she'll ditch you for him, but she definitely has some issues deciding whether or not she will fully commit to you, because despite the fact that you basically live together - she hasn't.

The question of whether or not you should persuade her to change her relationship status is the least of the concerns in my opinion. She seems like a loose cannon.

Wolfwood

Im trying to act "cool" and just not care. But I know that she has 4 years history with him and I dont want to lose her back to him. I think once we have more time under our belt then its less of a threat. However the way she acts now, I know she gives me 100% attention and is very unsexual in her communication with him.

Panda I agree with you and thats what has made me write this.

However she has told me that she would "never go back" but I have to understand she has no family and he has been a big influence in her life since she was 18. (Shes now 22.)

I think it could be that shes scared that if she "loses" the other guy completely and burns that bridge then if we end she has no "family" in her life.

I know her ex must know we are together, just confusing as to why he is so "chilled about it" and just continues telling her about his life and how he misses her but without being needy. He seems to be just acting like a friend but I dont like it!

@Nyclover

I seriously doubt this man is viewed as an equivalence to 'family' in her eyes, unless they're really close friends and nothing more. But considering the fact that there were feelings involved in their relationship before, it is more likely that she simply hasn't let go of him yet.

There isn't much you can do here really, since she is the one making the choices. I would simply recommend that you don't push her in any shape or form to do something she doesn't want to (relationship status, pictures, etc). However, if you feel uncomfortable or you're concerned over something in the relationship, go ahead and tell her in a mannered way but again, don't pressure or attempt to convince her to do anything. Trying to convince her about any of this is a logical action which she is already fully aware of. Her emotions are controlling the decision though, which is why the logical persuasion is a waste of time.

Continue having as much of a normal, healthy relationship with her and be the best boyfriend you can potentially be.

That's really all you can do at this point.

Ironically in the last hour she has changed her relationship status to "In a
relationship". My guess though it is "limited:" from her ex.

Also the pics of us together are back on her page. I spoke to her and she has just hidden them from her ex as again she doesnt think he wants to or needs to see them. I kinda agree.

Quick question. Should I change mine to also in a Relationship. And also I wanted to use a photo of her and I together as my profile pic. Is that needy or does it show her I care about her? Its a fun pic of us on holiday together or I probably think posting a picture wityh myself and a few girls who are friends may be better!

I would pretend you don't know about the relationship change on her Facebook. I would act like you haven't checked it or know anything about it. I would also keep the profile pic the same -- for a while.

Thanks for that. Any other advice? Essentially i have to just play it like I dont care she still talks to her ex?