My best mate (and yes this is not secretly me, it is actually my best mate) told me the another day about a problem he is having with a girl he is seeing. First, i will tell you what he told me and then i will tell you what i thought of the situation. I am putting this on the forum because i thought it was interesting and would like to hear your opinions.

Ok, a bit of context (although i dont know much as i have been at uni). He met her through his drama school which he co-runs. she is older than himh but is a student of the drama school. they have been seeing each other for a while in secret.

right, he called me a couple of days ago in a bit of a state. He told me that it was nothing major but that there was a problem between him and the girl. She was with him in bed one morning and told him that she felt really bad because her SPAM (i will call her girl 2) had been doing some bad things to her (like something to do with rent... dont really know that bit). anyway, once he had heard what she said, he thought that the girl was really being out of order and pushed the point that her SPAM was being a dickhead etc. During this conversation, she told him that she wanted to go back to her parents in Wales for a week or so to get away from it all. They were both planning to go to some party, which she obviously wouldnt be able to go to, but she told him he could go, and just not tell her about it, because she did want to go. He said that he didnt mind and that he wouldnt go. Anyway, my mate, who was already not to fond of girl 2, fell out with her over something else (over facebook or twitter i think). Once he speaks to the girl he is with about the falling out, she tells him that he overreacting and that he just needs to chill (Ithink she is in Wales by this point). He takes her advice and makes up with girl 2. When he calls the girl he is with about the fact he had made up with her SPAM, she is not happy. She tells him that he has made her think badly of him (and maybe her SPAM , im not sure) by switching from one side to the other after telling her how much of a dickhead she was and then falling out with her and then making up with her. He says that he made up with her SPAM for her.

She tells him that she doesnt know if she wants to speak to him at the moment and the phone call ends. (this is as up to date as i know)

What i got from this:

1)He acted like he cared too much by pushing the fact that her SPAM was being bad.

2)He acted logically to her emotional problem, he should have only said, "yeah that must be tough for you" or something like that and left it there.

3)He made it seem as though he wasnt going to go to that party because she wasnt going.

4)He acted like he wasnt in control of his emotions (changing sides and falling out with her friend over something trivial)

5)He told her that he made up with her SPAM for her, making him sound like her bitch.

6)It may have been her time of the month or she may be taking her problems out on him because he was annoying her with needyness.

What do you guys think??????[/b]

I think your ideas are all potentially on point, but the main question, is what does your mate want out of the situation?

What's done is done, and by helping him understand the situation, he can learn from it, but his main focus now is 'what do I want' and then you can help him get it.

good point, i will ask him when i talk to him next.

I assume that he wants to sort it out with her and go back to the way they were. Although they are not suppose to be seeing each other (student - teacher thing i think) so that might complicate things.

I am pretty sure this is what he wants, so what advice would you give him and ill pass it on

cheers

Oh btw, when he told me this, i advised that he should make a decision on how he wants to go about it (call her next day or wait for her to call him) and stick to it.

What i mean by this is that in the first option: he should call her and try and sort it out asap, if that doesnt work then casually end the conversation and try again every few days. I dont think calling her the next day (and assuming it doesnt work) blank her afterwards for a while would work as its in-congruent.

second option: she already said that she wasnt sure whether she wanted to talk to him right now. so if he decides not to call her asap, then he should stick to not calling her and dont give in. put up the frame in his mind that he will give her time to call him and if not... move on

what do you think?