Recently I had posted on a topic of importance to me, a topic that i feel many ppl can be relative to at some point. the title is "its not just helping my inner game, its changing my life" I can post the link as this is only my second post on this website.

anyways-

As an update to most of these topics, life is coming together well as i've been asserting to meet my goals. heres where i'm at right now...

-i've talked to my father about my issues with him and cleared the air.
-i'm a reserve soldier in the army, soon to be a military police officer
-i'm living in my own apt, with 1 room mate, and a beautiful female american bulldog.
-i got my first full time position in as a private security officer for a fortune 500 company.
-i just started becoming active in the gym.

however this being said, i still have much stress and still feel abit depressed...so i guess the reason i've made this post is to actually get help from some of you to gain clarity on what my priorities are and should be at this point. some key points of goals i need to achieve are as followed.

-actively gaining a substantial amount of strength, size, and weight at the gym (this is not JUST cosmetic, I am going to Afghanistan to combat next year and im pretty small right now. hah.)
-getting back in college for my criminal justice degree.(i want to work with the DEA and do my part to clean up drugs of the street)
-getting a nicer vehicle that isn't about to drop dead
-paying other debts.
-and of course, my game.

and let me clarify this, my building of game is not to satisfy getting laid (though like any person sex is an obvious plus, but ) its to build my self esteem, its to fulfill that internal struggle that so many of us have that says "i know i can reach a higher level then just this...but how do i get there?" im willing to put as much time into this as possible, but i need help organizing all of this, priority wise, and time management wise.

oh yeah...one more question, with things like these to straighten out at this magnitude, how important is sociability in your opinions? i find that personally i get more stressed the less i talk to ppl, but more the more i focus on it then the less focused i get on said tasks.

I sincerely appreciate any input, and it is valued deeply.

- Shade

Being social is always important, and it's going to help with your game quite a bit. Social is attractive in general.

Sounds like you things are coming together nicely--congrats man.

The question of priorities is really something you'll have to straighten out yourself. Overall, I'd say to take the things that are the most important to you and spend at least half an hour working toward them in some fashion every day.

Take the strength, size, weight goal. If you keep hitting the gym and keep up with the right nutrition (all that information you can easily Google), you'll reach that goal. As for the others, spend your half an hour trying to brainstorm ways to get to them so you actually have some path to be working on. What do you need to do in order to make it back to college for the degree? Student loan forms? Prerequisite classes you can take at a community college first?

The point is, try to lay out the steps to each of them, then spend a little working toward them every day, and you'll be golden. But stay socializing. If you withdraw for too long, it gets harder to be social again.

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Hi Dude,

I was upset and in the dumps for a long time....just angry, sad, frustrated...etc. I realized that I never ever learned about my self. What frustrates me what I like what I dislike. I am spending this summer getting to know my self better, and fixing what I don't like. I know it's a cliche, but from me it has made a big difference.

to Matrim, Thanks for insight i suppose it really is upto me. good idea laying out the half hour bit im definetly going to continue my path to a better life.

to adizzy, what steps are you taking to actually figure out who you are? i can respect a man whose working towards figuring himself out I cant find a single thing cliche about that.

This next question is for anyone willing to listen, matrim and dizzy included...

when life is so busy with things like work, the gym, etc... how much time is needed, or how can I methodically initiate a plan to bring back my sociality, or invovled my self with the world?

I once heard to go out to an open location and find openers for general people(IE asking people for directions) also what approaches have other's in this forum taken to maintain or initiate this good connection to the world.

I would not actively base your self esteem on your game, it's a shaky foundation, e.g. if you are gaming well you will be happy, if you are gaming badly you will be sad, thus you constantly need to game well, need to get those good reactions from people, very bad frame

game is great to build confidence, but your self esteem and self worth should be based on something like your identity, internal validated not externally

its a very complex issue and this post is just a few ideas (RSD based), you could explore this a lot further

besides this it sounds great!

Thanks I appreciate that. Well to begin with I am going for my Masters, so I want to learn about my learning style because I will be working while I do it. That's what sparked this entire self improvement thing. I first looked into Myers Briggs. There are free tests online that you can check out. If you want more info, PM me. I learnt people like me have no clue about my own emotions, so its hard to relate with other people becuase I don't pay attention to myself....so now I try to understand my emotions better...but its still tough. Also reading is always a good thing. I recently read the "Game." Also read a book on body language.

I have been kinda ignoring this PUA thing, but I keep hitting the same rutt, and I dont know how to proceed. Im sure anything worthwhile will take effort. Are you good a breaking things down and then looking at it step by step. Im am except when it comes to myself....then I have a huge problem....starting to feel a little anxious now....but it will pass and I will continue to try...so I suggest you do the same.

to xzerox

i completely understand what your saying, but i guess...im trying to create that identity, not so much by gaming but using the methods of being socially dynamic to increase the person i am. in that same regard, what do you mean by "identity, internal validated not externally " and how can i find more information on that topic?

to adizzy

what are you specifically trying to proceed with? I am pretty good at figuring out my problems for the most part, im very detail oriented in what seems like an exhausting way sometimes. alot of times i feel that i lack the courage to make these social changes...

ya know...its crazy...i dont mind going to war, i dont mind making arrest's, or anything like that but the moment it comes to social interaction on a regular basis...
i freeze...loose my courage...i suppose thats what im really trying to do here...trying to figure out how to come out of this proverbial shitstorm.

my apologize if this post is laxadazical, been through a pretty rough night and i dont feel to clear headed.

Two books I'd really highly recommend to anyone looking to put some work into general self improvement as well as just pickup are Awaken The Giant Within by Tony Robbins and 7 Habits by Stephen Covey.

What it all boils down to is becoming the person you want to be, by your own standards, not the standards of others. The rest is just detail.

I think a 'good' goal for game, is to improve your skillset. Such as your social skills, your seduction skills and your sexual skills, its just a range of skills you need to learn and refine through practice mostly, (not learning funny mind tricks and mental buttons to press etc.)

As for the inner game stuff, i mean your identity (loads of ways you could define this) should be based internally, you are internally validated, your validation comes from within, comes from you. You live by your standards and values, and you judge yourself on them, NOT by other people standards or society standards e.g. im am rich therefore im cool, that girl fucked me therefore im cool.

The opposite being externally validated would be letting other people dictate your identity to you. The reponses you get from people - the social feedback, tells you your identity, your self worth.

This goes really deep, these are ideas from real social dynmaics, probably taken from a number of sources, there is loads to this.

to lockdown,

Thats funny because i've on and off read ultimate power by anthony robbins. He's definitely an intelligent man, with good insight, his writing can be very hard to read sometimes though. perhaps I should just keep barreling down with that book.

to xZEROx

i think i understand what your saying, so lets throw this into a light hypothetical...
right now im a skinny guy, who spends alot of time alone, or at work. i love my jobs, but it still doesnt fill that whole...

so by what your saying in a basic sense, is to straight up...fix this. takin' one step at a time i gain my size to where i would be happy at, internally. start speaking up for myself, and not take shit, etc... etc..

Awaken The Giant Within is the best Robbins book to get. It's longer than it needs to be but honestly it will give you a blueprint for creating a fucking beautiful existence

I'll give that one a check, thanks.