Dated a girl for 3.5 years, broke up 2 months ago. It was "mutual", but she initiated it. Ever since we broke up, my confidence has been shit. I know I am pretty good looking, I just can't get over the breakup and the fact that she is fucking someone new already. I've been going out to the bars a lot lately, and have no problem with eye contact or even holding a conversation with girls. Its mostly just approaching and getting over that hump. Another problem I have is my standards. They are WAY too high, and I know it. I tend to pick apart every imperfection about a person, and I hate it. My ex wasn't even that good looking, I'm not sure where my high standards came from... Any ideas on how I can get my confidence back? Do I need to just let time help me get over my ex?

On a side note, I did get a little confidence boost tonight at the Bassnectar concert... Danced with some very cute girls, switching it up throughout the night. It usually started with a look, a smile, and then they would come over and dance in front of me and I would just take over. One girl had the balls to grab my crotch after I gave her the look and smile, so I grabbed hers back. From there we had a very sexual dance session, but I didn't close. Overall it was a great night, I'm hoping it was a boost that will stick. And I only had one beer, so its not like I needed alcohol to have a good time. Usually my friends and I go to the bars where there really isn't much dancing. I'd like to start going to more clubs, as it seems much easier to pull girls on the dance floor.

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The hottest ginger you'll ever meet.

I don't have an ego, I just love how awesome I am.

She is fucking someone else. Big deal.

I know that feeling seriously fucking sucks...but realistically love is all about value differential. We tend to align with people who give us better S&R value (according to Mystery Method/M3) and she did what she felt was right given her circumstance or what her emotions felt.

In this same note, you need to realize she didn't offer you much value or if you felt she did, then you really need to analyze whether you aren't crediting her TOO much in putting an effort in the relationship.

Confidence is shit, but you need to work your inner game. 3.5 is commitment, and moreover time investment. It sucks, this is without a doubt...but your emotions will maybe lock you up and make you feel like shit to protect you...but in doing so, it is weeding your genes out of existence.

Time to man up. You only have 28,000 days to live.

Time to fucking live life and stop feeling like shit for yourself.

Mystery knows f*ck all. Please don't credit Mystery with using terms S & R value, Richard Dawkins among others have been using these terms since before Mystery was even a sperm in his daddy's nuts.

I think you should name yourself CaptainJackass with all the bunk information y you've been passing on.

If only you put this much effort into actually getting out there agent

Good comeback.

I think this is what kills me the most - I feel like I wasted 3.5 years of my life, between ages 20 and 23, when I should have been going out and meeting all sorts of new people and experiencing new things. Add to the fact that I spent 3.5 years and got nothing in the end, it sucks.

But you're right, I guess I just need to man up and get back out there. I'm not getting any younger, that is why I am trying to go out as much as I can without letting it interfere with my work/health. I guess that's really all I can do right now...

And in case anyone is curious about how a Bassnectar concert is, I uploaded a video I took to Youtube. I didn't think I would have a good time because these types of concerts aren't really my thing, but my roommate is a DJ and wanted to go. I'm glad I went, it was a GREAT time.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-8eYvKA8EA[/youtube]

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The hottest ginger you'll ever meet.

I don't have an ego, I just love how awesome I am.

Looks like that confidence was short-lived, messed up bad last night...

Went out with my roommates, started early at one bar that was pretty dead but my roommate was meeting friends who all used to work at another bar that closed. Invited a buddy of mine along, he showed up with a group and we caught up for a bit until my one roommate wanted to meet up with his cousin and her friends.

A little background on the cousin - We all went to a country concert a LONG time ago, we danced, nothing more happened as she had a boyfriend at the time and then I got my girlfriend. We hung out again on St. Patrick's Day, and she kept asking me about my ex and I got her number, but in a fluke way. My roommate's phone was dying and he used mine to contact her when we got separated. She asked me to take a video of her riding the bull that day, but I never closed. Couple weeks later, she texts me at 1AM asking if I could send her the video. It was too big to send, so I said she'll get to see it sometime soon. She said, "I hope so." Couple weeks later I was on her campus for OSHA training, so I asked if she wanted to get lunch. She couldn't make it, so I left it at that. Her brother came with my roommate and I to the Bassnectar concert as well.

Back to last night - We meet up with them and she is with about 7 other girls, all good looking. We use them to get past lines at the clubs since at least one of the girls knew someone bouncing that night. Throughout the night, I was my shy self but always had a smile on my face and had a good time dancing/hanging out. After the clubs close, we all go back to one of the girl's house because my roommate was going to hook up with her. The other roommate went home with his girlfriend, so it was just myself, my roommate, and 6 girls. Unfortunately, I did not take advantage of the situation. We all hung out for a bit, I got comfy on my couch and was exhausted (I hate going out on Friday nights, I'm always tired after a long week of work). Some of the girls went upstairs to go to sleep, including my roommate, while his cousin and some of her friends were hanging out downstairs. They kept singing, to which I kept making fun of them. In the end, I passed out on the couch. When I woke up, they were all sleeping on the other couches around the room (there was like 5 couches in one room, weird setup).

Looking back, there are sooo many things I should have done that I didn't do. And I'm not sure why I didn't do them, and I'm not sure what it will take to not repeat the same mistakes. Hopefully spending more time going out will help me get back into the swing of things, as when I was dating my ex we rarely went out. And when we did, I of course did not go out with the intent to pick up girls. And I'm thinking I blew it with my roommate's cousin, although her friends I might still have a chance with. Plus, I'm not sure how my roommate would feel about me hooking up with his cousin. He has always been weird about it when my other roommate would bring it up, but last night he drunkenly said, "I did this for you, you better not fuck it up." I don't want to ruin a friendship for some girl...

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The hottest ginger you'll ever meet.

I don't have an ego, I just love how awesome I am.

3.5 years? ...you just had a divorce lol

Dude you're doing fine. If you had a girlfriend before you will have one again. You are what women want. Now you got to pull yourself together and keep yourself together. Go out ur best, look your best, feel your best. The world is yours!

We all take shots . But can you take a shot and get up and keep going?

Somebody else might be hitting your girl, but nobody else has kept that ass around for 4 years. 4 years! Thats good shit.

yor basically in the exact samesituation as me, except your a couple of years older, i get exactly what you mean, i was out last night dancing with this girl(i had no 'game' i only properly looked at this stuff today) we we're dancing for about 10 minutes and she started grinding on me, that lasted until the club closed (so about a hour) we went outside and waited for her friends to meet her, my friends we're nearby she asked for my number and said she'd text me 'tomorrow' she also got my twitter, but i noticed about a hour ago she unfollowed me and she hasn't text. i dont know what i did wrong. but i think having a lack of confidence and not making a move was a huge factor, i've already slept with a girl since my break up, she was about a 6 and 4 years older, i only did it to get the first out the way cause i knew she was easy, it boosted my confidence somewhat, but since then i've gotten a few numbers when im out and i know a girl who is interested and i text casually, she keeps asking meto go out and meet her but shes like a 4(i got her number when hammered). just keep working, thats my plan, every night out is a step in the right direction

These girls that you meet at clubs have alot of regrets about hooking up with guys from the club. Number 1 they feel somewhat ashamed like a hoe to meet a guy at a club and Number 2 they do not know you and so they dont trust you. Number 3 they are often drunk...

I think its very important to have a good conversation with a girl at a club. You can take a girl home and sleep with her and she still might not want to see you again because she is embarassed by it. You have to make sure the girl trusts you and that she is proud of the night.

Otherwise...you'll just be calling and texting thinking....i thought she had a good time

oh i see, so i should take a different approach entirely, try to either A: avoid the dancefloor, or B: try to lure the girl off the dancefloor and find somewhere to sit and have a conversation? and as im new to this, im currently reassesing the confidence issues, however last night i felt that girl was entirely out of my league

If you want something lasting, you should find a way to talk to the girl. Grinding is an easy way out when you cant think of anything to say...


No one is out of your league. This is where confidence comes in. Your reality is formed by your beliefs...what you deserve, what you can have. Its this way for everybody. If you carry yourself like you deserve her then she'll think so too. If you carry yourself like you don't she will think so to.

http://files.fraterslibertas.com/Images ... hilldv.jpg

i know like most things this will take practice, however i find myself to be a somewhat boring person, im an engineer and my hobbies are sport and fixing cars and the gym, i dont have much to speak about with females, im going to try next weekend when i go out, i'll just practice talking to different girls, and having a conversation without trying to get anywhere with it.



also, sorry for hijacking your thread slightly

you're not boring. You just got to be proud of yourself and have a good time. Women love cars...