One-nittis on pof, could use some help.



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PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2012 5:58 pm 
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Please for the love of god read the entire thing before commenting as the 2 posters below obviously drew assumptions based on the title alone.

Things did not end well between us last fall. I had a met her at a time when I was pretty AFC. I hungout with her for a few months. Banged her the 2nd time we had met. Unfortunately I had wanted more from her, at least more than she was willing to give. The age discrepancy is quite big (10 years apart her being in her early 20s, me being in my early 30s). There's no denying we are both at different points in our lives and that I have far greater life experience than her (a DHV/asset, but can also be problematic for obvious reasons).

Long story short(er). Over the ensuing months we hungout, we maintained physically intimacy (spooning in bed, kissing etc.) but as mentioned previously, had sex only twice within the first week of meeting. I grew increasingly bothered as she indicated she didn't want a boyfriend at the time yet had no issue satiating her intimacy needs with me, knowing full well I wanted more. I found this to be heavily manipulative; she was in the power position knowing I wanted her as my girlfriend and one theory I have is that by agreeing to be my girlfriend she'd be giving up some of this power.

Anyhow, things got nasty and ended rather abruptly. I saw her on POF the other day and msg'd her "u wanna fuck?" lol. Honestly I figured I had nothing to lose and that it'd be worth a shot as I was horned-out anyway and the worst she could do is block me. To my surprise she responded, told me I was fucked in the head (shit test, perhaps). I didn't let that phase me one bit and responded with "seriously, how are you?" and we ended up in a very short, trite conversation.

Her last message to me was this paragraph about how she's very reluctant on talking to me again as my behavior really bothered her. Her last message to me was as follows:

"Alright. Well I don't jump back into places that werent at a good part of my life, so you'll have to understand that I'm reluctant to reconnect with you. I'm not going to pretend to have a pleasant conversation after everything that went down. Your behavior really pissed me off. But all in all I hope and know you're doing well. And theres nothing more than that."

It was at this point that she had then blocked me, which of course was a bit frustrating. So I had emailed her and told her how people change in enumerable ways over time, and that my intent is not to evoke anger or rouse any negative feelings, but rather to chat with her. Perhaps I'm over-analyzing this, I immediately framed her mentioning being "reluctant to reconnect" as the door being open just a crack, but of course her blocking me seems to contradict this. I then told her to "Take care" (probably could have left this bit out). I didn't expect her to reply, but this morning she simply emailed me back saying "Thanks, I really appreciate that, Regards".

Perhaps I am beating a dead horse with this. I don't feel regret on messaging her on pof. I know she gets lonely and bored at times (which is surprising to me because she's such a young attractive girl). I under stand her reluctance to talk to me given the toxicity that overtook our 'relationship'. I've never seen any intention on her part to take responsibility for the damage caused. No, we were never violent or mean spirited towards one and other, I just began feeling depressed at that time because I felt strung along by her affectionate behavior, in spite of her saying she didn't want a relationship at the time.

I've always believed in redemption, but frankly I'm not quite certain this one is worth pursuing, especially because she's not showing much in terms of wanting me to pursue her. Ya, she responded to every message, but she had also said her 'peace' and then blocked me on pof (passive aggressive, or just not interested - i guess that's what it comes down to for me).

At any rate, not sure if I m just beating a dead horse, or if I should be more persistent in engaging her to 'regain' her comfort in talking to me again.

She's no longer my One-nittis, I have various others girls on the line. I did particularly like this and still do to some extent. My question therefore should I pursue, and if so how? Or, just leave her in past and forget her entirely. BTW I did text her a bit ago and she replied instantaneously but made statements, no questions - didn't seem to indicate she wanted me to continue but at same time wasn't telling me to f*ck off.


Last edited by agentprovocateur on Sat Apr 21, 2012 11:31 pm, edited 3 times in total.

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2012 6:12 pm 
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Game other girls

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PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2012 6:14 pm 
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Quote:
Game other girls
Obviously. I don't have One-nittis now, I simply re-engaged with a girl I was seeing. This isn't about being desperate and not having any other option but rather re initiating with a girl I genuinely liked.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2012 6:42 pm 
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Oneitis is common to beginners. I had one when I was gaming a girl in Okcupid. But, The main thing to understand here, is that not girl will respond to your message, so don't have any expectations. Next, when gaming girls online, try to game many girls at the same time. Next, stop, visiting pof or okcupid more than 2x a day, one time at night and or during the day. Do not, reply immediately after the girl sends you a message, have a gap or 2 or 3 hrs. This shows that you are no internet creep, replying and waiting for her reply. Do not see any girl as a girl, but see her as a set, a practice set like some math problems. You cannot expect to solve all math problems, even if you know good math.


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2012 6:47 pm 
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Oneitis is common to beginners. I had one when I was gaming a girl in Okcupid. But, The main thing to understand here, is that not girl will respond to your message, so don't have any expectations. Next, when gaming girls online, try to game many girls at the same time. Next, stop, visiting pof or okcupid more than 2x a day, one time at night and or during the day. Do not, reply immediately after the girl sends you a message, have a gap or 2 or 3 hrs. This shows that you are no internet creep, replying and waiting for her reply. Do not see any girl as a girl, but see her as a set, a practice set like some math problems. You cannot expect to solve all math problems, even if you know good math.
Nothing personal but you're preaching to the choir. I know all this, and none of what you're saying applies to my situation. You obviously didn't even read the post, but rather responded with a ready-made reply to the subject title. I m more interested in what the more experienced PUA heads on the site have to say (e.g. Hakuna, Chris etc).


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PostPosted: Sat Apr 21, 2012 6:54 pm 
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In other words, you want to hear an answer you like? Why waste your time with a girl who is unsure whether she wants to spend any of hers being around you, when tons of women are not nearly as difficult to deal with? Just move on.

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PostPosted: Sun Apr 22, 2012 12:48 am 
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In other words, you want to hear an answer you like? Why waste your time with a girl who is unsure whether she wants to spend any of hers being around you, when tons of women are not nearly as difficult to deal with? Just move on.
That was then, this is now. Can't say where she sits now, however I do know she's bored and looking for something as generally that's the case when I see her pof (happened once before and managed to get her out re-intiating a month of hang-outs). Not to say the same will happen this time. She is receptive to my texts/lone email, but there's not much being initiated on her end. In fact it's more to the "I m glad you're doing ok" without adding anything more. Whether its a general lack of interest, or simply her reluctance on getting involved with me again, I don't know (although she had made explicit reference to the later in her email response to me).


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