How should I treat a lady I just met?

Hello guys, let me insert a little background of myself that propelled me to start this thread. I'm in my mid-twenties and I had never been in a relationship. I had flings and went for date with women (mostly with the goal of having flings with them).

Normally, for most women I get to date, I usually make an advance on them, albeit a forceful approach on several occasions, yes, i know, it's not right, and consequentially, it leads to social suicide (assuming that the lady doesn't buy that).

I'm trying to manage those sexual urges or the emotional need for affection..etc.
Deep down, I'm sad and alone and even frustrated LOL.


Here are some recent case-studies

Case-study 1: I met a girl (let's call her Alice) from my school a few days back. She was lovely, and she hinted to me that she wasn't keen for a relationship, and that despite that, we had a great time chatting, flirting, teasing. However, towards the end, my lust for physical affections led me to actually put her close to me and i gave her a kiss. It shocked her and she politely rejected me citing she doesn't want a relationship... blah blah. (note that i'm from asia, a country with deep-rooted conservative values, though certain segments of the society are more open and liberal sexually)

Case-study 2: A day before I meet Alice, I went out with another girl (let's call her Betty) I met at a club (now i wonder what got into me, perhaps those sexual instincts? that i actually asked an unattractive woman out, thinking she was easy, which she later proved not). So i met this girl at a nightclub and beneath those dazzling and dim lights, sometimes it's difficult to identify how attractive the woman can be.

In any case, I danced with her and made out (kissing and touching, the usual) with her. Initially I wasn't intending to target her, but her friend (Call her claire) was I thought was really attractive. [I watched the PUA season 1, and I learned that I needed to neg my initial target using Betty]
Yet, my attempt to neg only resulted in Betty actually holding on to me at the dance floor and not letting go. Well, I thought I got lucky, thinking that if that's a girl who would throw herself at you, I'm definitely getting laid. So, i didn't go back to my initial target eventually. A terrible mistake - I learned from her that claire was quite the slut that I stand a greater chance getting laid. Perhaps being distracted by Betty disappointed Claire (just mere speculation) cause I was really digging Claire initially until Betty hold onto me, and Claire just left with Betty. Good thing: I've got Betty's number.

And on a evening I met Betty out, initially we made out a little (I initiated it) but eventually she wasn't that keen yet I allowed my sexual urges to take control and i tried to pressure her into more till she responded saying: "Let's be polite, don't ask me to do what I don't want to."

Case-study 3: On the very same day, in the night club, I met another cute girl (Daisy), (my good friend picked up a girl and her friend followed her along when they headed to the carpark), I joined them after a while and my friend and I parted temporarily for privacy. So I brought Daisy to somewhere quiet and sat and talk. She's lovely, but I cannot read her at all.

She sat on my lap and we talk (and perhaps I didn't manage to build attraction with her), we didn't make out( kiss,etc) (even though I tried a few times and she resisted and rejected me). In the beginning, I was quite irritated. I couldnt understand why she can be sitting on my lap so close, we're in each other's personal space yet she rejected my kissing. Yet as hours passed, the more she rejected and resisted me, I was more thrilled. And I enjoyed my time with her even when I didn't get to make out blah blah. We had small talk, and when we ran out of topics to talk, the silence between us wasn't awkward (or so i think or she didn't show and indicated that it was awkward). All we did during the silent moments was just staring (or gazing) into each other eyes. i could play with her hands, hair, hold her waist etc etc(with that level of closeness) yet... I felt like I build no attraction with her.

Shortly we exchanged number before we parted.

Now, the past few days, perhaps I was being silly and stupid by trying to send her some cheesy poems i thought of and that only freaked her out. With her, somehow I met less sexual urges surfacing and more of emotional ones. I'm a pretty emotional person, and I don't want to make pointless emotional investment.


Okay, that said, What do I want now?

- I watched the PickupArtist season one, and I was like, damn this is good stuff. Something I can work on and develop.

- Before I do, i need feedback and comments about How should a Lady be treated. In theory, we all say we need to give the respect a lady deserves, but how much or what extends to that 'Respect'.

- And, for these sexual urges, I realised (or i chose to think) that when I haven't connect with the lady on a emotional level, these sexual urges surface easily. I need a way to channel away these sexual urges when they surface at inappropriate times.

- And I want to develop the finesse of PUA, and to change my mental framework when it comes to Women, when influenced my sexual urges, I tend to disregard the feelings of the Lady and make advances via a forceful approach.

- Lastly, I'm going to learn the art of PUA.


Consider this the beginning of a new personal journey to what society defines as "Gentleman, etc" and I will learn new behaviours and develop a set of personal values in treating woman, I may backslide, but I won't quit this journey.

To all my readers, please give me the harshest feedback you can.

Thank you.

As long as you feel that way you are going to project that everywhere you go, and thus girls won't feel very atracted to you, unless you want some mental case with you. Before you run you have to learn how to walk, you need to become a confident human being, and also someone who doesn't treat women like they owe you a kiss just because they talked to you. That will be the other advice for you: treat women as what they are: human beings. If you are going to get irritated every time a girl rejects your advances you are going nowhere with that attitude. Get to know a woman better before actually even trying to do anything at all. Even if you just want a quick one night stand you will keep shooting yourself in the foot with your attitude towards women, and towards yourself.

Read 60 years of challenge instead of MM. Negging and this crap takes to much time to properly learn. Your problem is you're ashamed of your own sexual needs. Don't be. Talk openness into the girl, make her want to experiment with you.

I don't want to seem like I'm justifying myself but, I don't think I project the "sad/alone/frustrated part wherever I go. I don't think I project them at all, at least hardly at a conscious level. Subconsciously, i feel that result in me seeking for affection - with the mentality "regardless what methods are employed" and "nothing lost, nothing gained".

Besides, I feel confident about my looks and my slender build and all. Perhaps being a confident human being constitutes much more than mere looks and build?

In addition, I need to clarify that I don't treat woman like they owe me a kiss, rather it's my opportunistic nature to procure the affection i long for, and perhaps i like to think that those kisses are a litmus test for something more. Of course, I haven't learned to interpret correctly the cues that I can go for the kisses without it appearing and eventually becoming a forceful approach.

Furthermore, I need to clarify that I chose "Deep down, I'm sad and alone and even frustrated LOL. " the word frustrated solely because i think i can align myself to the categorization of AFC (average frustrated chumps), which in this case I think not as the nuances between what I believe I am and AFC differs widely. For a more precise and clear description, I think I feel sad and alone, and I'm always disappointed that my efforts have very inconsistent yields, and that I'm always disappointed when the time, effort and money spent, culminated in nothing more than small talk.

Certainly, you brought up valid points, I need to get to know different varieties of women better, and I think each different species of woman requires different angle and approach to that. I thank you for your response as it allows me to see a clearer picture that I'm in.


Thank you for pointing me to a direction where I can begin to learn!