Hello dear Pua friends,

Don't know if this is the right topic to put my experience and questions here...but here it comes...

I want to tell you about my relationship i'm now in ( almost a year now). She is 27 years old and i'm 32 years old.
For a year ago i met my girlfriend on a dutch chatsite. After a few days we had a date. and some more dates were settled.

After a while she told me she still lived together with her ex and that she was looking for a place on her own.

Well, after a few months i got this sms message from her ex, telling me she was in A RELATION with him. So her story about being an ex was FALSE.

Now you would think... why the hell are you still together ??? Just simple... i'm in love with her.
I try to trust her, she tells me she fell in love with me and she was allready bored about her relation with her ex.
NOTE : she once before cheated the same ex with another guy, before she did it with me.

Anyway, i now am convinced that she is in love with me, BUT... she keeps on playing those fucked up shit-test with me.

My girlfriend is a very uncertainty person and she thinks she's ugly ; uses a lot of make up and is checking her face about let's say... every hour.
She feels uncomfortable about her body while having sex with me. A blanket must be covering us while having sex and she does not want me to touch her legs.
Licking her pussy is not done ! she's ashamed of it.

Last month we had a argue en i ignored her for about 2 weeks.
Later on (we were together again ) She told me that, during the time i ignored her,she went to a club with friends and gave her phone number to some guy. she had some sms message contact with him. I sat next to her and demand her to sms the guy that she didn't want to have contact no more with him, while i was sitting next to her. And i SAW that she has send that message to the phonenumber of this guy. i even checked sent items.
Later on we had an argue again and then she told me that, BEFORE she had sent this message to that guy, she had saved his number under the name of a girlfriend.
Now i know this can't be true. So what is she trying to do with me ? Is it a shit test to make me feel jealous ? i bet it is....
So, this argue last for about 1 week and in this same week she send me an sms, something like this ;

'oh my god, this guy has left a note for me in my mailbox at home saying he is looking for my phonenumber, because i did not respond to his sms anymore, it feels creepy, what should i do ?? '

Why the hell is she texting me this, while we are in an argue ? Does she think i'm stupid ??
Last week she showed me the letter from this guy and (he's 40 years old and has 2 kids, she told me ). But the way the letter was written, told me that it could never be coming from him... it was more like a laugh to me when i read that letter..just the childish way it was written... not to expect from an 40 year old.
And come on... he HAD her number so why should he leave a letter... i mean i wouldn't even lower myself to such state...no value...right ?
I told her i didn't believe the whole story and i also told her that this letter was never written by a 40 year old... he's a dumb ass i told her.. there was no reaction... she didn't awnser and looked down to the floor.

For example ; when i visit her and i ring the bell, it can take minutes before she opens the door for me. She tells me she does that often, not only when i am ringing the bell. Why does she let me wait for minutes, before opening the door ?
She tells me it is because i'm a quarter to early than the time i said i would be there and that she was fixing some make-up and quickly had to clean some mess in her room.
Is this a shit test again ??

Also she waits like hours before awnsering my sms messages. and when i sms her something like ; 'goodnight....blablabla' then she doesn't even reply no more.

And then talking about having sex with her... she the type of girl i never met before having sex with.
She wants sex with a loads of passion. she tells me she is getting so damn 'sticky' and all that kind of talk during sex.
Also she is saying that sex ain't important to her and that she doesn't care having sex or not. But meanwile... we have sex evertytime i visit her and than we have sex for hours !!! everytime !
Anyone here who can tell me how to have sex on a way she likes, so that se loosens up a little more and so that she can be more open to me while having sex ?
Sometimes i feel such a dumb loser because she is giving me the feeling a can not satisfy her needs while having sex... i'm going to fast she says. But hey... i am always giving her foreplay for HOURS... kissing, touching, kissing her body etcetera. What am i doing wrong here ?

She also is a girl with a lot of self-pity. maybe anyone recognize this type of girl ??

Am i the one who is doing things terribly wrong or is she just the kind of girl who is manipulating my feelings to feel sorry for her ? I don't want to be the mister nice guy anymore but i'm having troubles to react on a proper way in situations like these.

Can you guys tell me how to handle a girl like mine ? I love her but the argues are getting more and more fucked up.


Thnx for reading this long story !

Greetz.

Sounds like some case of LSE. She think shes crap and thus she recieved the world like that. Can you help any nerd AFC to become better with girls when he feels no need for it? Nope you can not. All you can do is to make her feel comfortable around you. Tell her during sex and before how good she looks like and bla bla bla. You can not change the way of her mind by telling her to do so.

You know something of her past? Abusements, some sexual bad occurance?

Your doing fine imo as much as you can. With some girls you can do whatever you want, with others you can not. With a 50hp Bettle you can not win a formula one race, no matter how good you are as a driver.

my two cents: i am more worried about you than her. readin the text i continuously kept asking myself why you would want her. these type of childish games coming from someone her age is just kinda sad. whats the point in being together with someone like that if there are like 538752378287328 other women that are a better match because they are more drama-free? it seems that you have self-validation/esteem issues too, because someone who thinks he deserves something good wouldnt stay together with her.

good luck with trying to "save" her, its going to blow up in your face.

Entirely too negative sweety...


Hey dude look, if you feel like this is all your worth then proceed. Do you not think you can do better? Is the "love" you feel for her worth all this pain and agony? Do you like being stressed out and unhappy? Do you not think that if she cheated on her ex boyfriend with you and another guy that she will cheat on you aswell? Can you see a future with someone so insecure and dishonest? Do you think she would make a good mother to your children.

These are the questions you must ask yourself.. If you feel having love is worth your self fulfillment and joy then keep hurting yourself man. Its like a person that cuts themselves, they're permanently marking up they're entire body with scars and cuts and can't see how damaging this is to them both mentally and physically.

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we actually are in full agreement on this..

Thank you all for you're advise.

Today i got rid of her.

I was at her place this week.

The story about the letter in het mailbox seemed to be right.
So she called this dude while i was sitting next to her and he told us there was nothing going on and that she told me the truth.

Next day i asked her if i would see her the next weekend and she said yes.
But somehow i had this feeling she would cancel it next day. So i asked her several times if the weekend was going on and she said yes everytime.

next day i get sms message ; i'm sorry dear but this weekend i can't see you because sunday i have to go to my grandma, i forgot about that.

So i asked her... take me with you, i like to meet grandma and other family who will be there.

Negative... she doesn't want me to come because of the things happened in the past.
I think she is ashamed to bring me because of her parrents ( they don't really like me, i was there once ).

So i told her i could not have a relationship with someone who promisses me to see me next weekend ( after several times me asking about it ) and neither can i have a relationship with someone who doesn't want me to meet her family.

She keeps on arguing about what happened in the past. So i told her i want to look forward.

I told her that if she would not take me with her to her grandma, i would quit the relationship. and i did.

Maybe it's a little abrubt, but for me it's better this way.

And now she keeps on messaging me that i was doing that wrong and this and that....

Now i must try to find me a way to forget about her. because in the times i was with her she was so bitter sweet to me, showing me she loves me but it is all worthless when there's only a one way street.

Anybody have some suggestions about how to forget this girl ?
when night falls, its the hardest part of the day.... can't get any sleep, thinking about her and thinking about wether i did good or wrong, ending the relationship.

help !!


greetz,

Franc

by the way...

This LSE thing..

She scratches herself in her face with her nails and that's why she wears make up and she is looking in the mirror every damn hour.

When she was mad at me, she told me all the things i did wrong. But then when i decided to come over and talk about it, it was like nothing happened... she smiled and wanted me to hug her and stuff... like if she forgot about her being mad at me. it's so strange feeling.

I was always the one who would come over to her place ( like Mr. Nice guy ), but she NEVER wanted to come over to my place ( i live with my parrents at the moment ).
It was always me, travelling to her.

And sometimes she could look in a way of being totally in deep thoughts and when i asked her about her thoughts she always said 'ooow nothing really'.
It gave me this feeling she was lying about something or it gave me the feeling that was she was thinking about someone else.
She could have this look in her eyes of being in trance or something.

Anybody knows this behaviour ? ever been there to ?

Are these the things that people with LSE do ?

let me know if you have been there before. want to know a little more about it.

Greetz,