Ok, I just turned 38. I've never had sex with a girl that I managed to seduce myself. I just want to seduce and have sex with one hot woman and hopefully that will quench my obsessive desire to study PUA. This would be easy for me if I could stop being a wuss and start approaching women like crazy.

But, I've had really low self-esteem my entire life. Everything I've gotten from women in my life (sex, dating etc.) has been the woman's choice, not mine.

The funny thing is as low as my self esteem is, I feel pretty cocky about how I look and I KNOW that when I go into a bar there will be at least a few women who will probably be physically attracted to me straight off. My face is probably average but I keep myself well-groomed, hit the gym regularly and I am very tall.

By far my biggest sticking point is initiating a conversation out of thin air with a woman. In general I only feel comfortable talking to people I don't know if there is something very specific to talk about or say. I also struggle like crazy to steer a conversation towards the flirting or sexual. I also have big issues with making it known to a woman that I am attracted to them or want to have sex with them. I almost feel like my true intentions will be 'found out' and that will make her hate me, or make me a bad person or something.

Also a struggle is approaching after an obvious IOI. I've lost track of how many times I've played the eye contact game with a girl for almost an entire night and didn't do anything about it. That is almost everytime I look over at a girl she is already looking back at me and smiling (and this happens over and over over the course of a night).

If you've read some of my other posts you'll know that I lament a lot over missed opportunities. I don't want to do this anymore.

The only thing anyone can really tell you is to just do it! You know what your problems are, you know what needs to be done, so act on it. Who cares if you get rejected? I promise the negative feelings only last 30 seconds, and no one will think any less of you, including the women you approach. After you get rejected a few times, there won't be any negative emotions at all because you will be used to it. As for fear, that's something most people won't ever get over. Even guys who have approached thousands of women still feel anxious sometimes - it's part of life.

Think less, do more. That's what you need to do. This isn't just about getting women, either. Do you really want to keep living life with this hindrance? The answer is fuck no.

There are literally billions of women in the world. If a few don't go for you, oh well. Plenty more.

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The only thing holding you back is you.

Couldn't have said it better myself. Believe me I've been where you are at brother, but like Snarg said, FUCK IT, just DO IT.

You are thinking WAY too much about it and analyzing every outcome, reaction, judgment before it has even taken place. I know because I've been there and now I am finally getting ridding those last traces of doubt in me.

But I agree again with Snarg that the anxiety never goes away completely. No matter what your level is there will always be a greater situation which will cause you to put more emotional stock into it.

Just go out and get as much practice as possible. The more you do it the more situations you will come across and the more competent you will become from it. And competence leads to confidence.

Wish you all the best. PM if you have any other questions.

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Inner Game is everything...be Unlimited!

Seductive Instinct for LIFE

seductiveinstinct.com

This attitude bites me in the ass too. When I don't approach an attractive girl that's sending me obvious IOIs I just have it in my mind that 'oh well another one will come along shortly and I will do it then' so it diminishes any sense of urgency to do this stuff.

That thought process is meant to make you care less about rejection, not about actually getting the women.

Thanks man, you're right I know what all my problems are. I just need to man up and tackle them. But yea, second guessing myself (overthinking) kills me constantly. It's a hard habit to break.

I know it is. I'm not sure if you'll ever break it, because I sure as hell haven't. The trick is to build up a reaction to the feeling you get when you're second-guessing yourself. Ultimately, you want to train your brain to say something like "Okay, I'm second-guessing the situation...that means I HAVE to act now." It'll take time, but with enough practice it'll all fall into place.

Snarg is right, you are over thinking things. Women already know what men want. So as far as worrying if they know your intentions, it's pointless. You need to embrace your intentions. The dance of seduction is you wanting sex and her holding the power to give it to you or not. It all comes down, to figuring her out and intriguing her enough.


Based on your age and your current mindset. It will be hard for you to just transform out of your old habits and level of self confidence. With all these factors in play.

Low self esteem is indicative of self doubt. So even though you think you are getting IOI's from women, you are not truly experiencing them, therefore they are not yet a truth to you as you did not get validation of the "assumed IOI"

I have a suggestion for that may be able to change your perception and get you on the right track quicker then studying PU material.

Just as men all think very commonly in regards to sex/women....etc etc. regardless of looks, we all have the same mentality. So do women. Of course there is exceptions but I am speaking in general terms.

With this in mind, I suggest that you start to approach women you are not as attracted to, the less desirable. Ones you are pretty sure, you could pick up if you tried. You don't have to do the full on seduction ( sex) but try to get them to be willing to. By doing this, it will allow you to experience actual true interest rather then just assuming it.

A chubby chick or a homely looking girl, will commonly react the same as a hot chick in regards to being seduced. Most women look for the same things from a man in regards to being seduced. Their reactions will be very similar regardless. Just as ours would be.

By lowering your standards, if just for experimental purposes, you will allow yourself to approach with more confidence and not be as concerned about being rejected. But here's the thing, You will be getting experience and know the feeling of a women's interest in person. This will help your confidence as well as give you vital information as to what is working on women. You don't have to bang them, but hey! If you feel like it. they need loving too.

Once you can comfortably validate interest from these average women. Your confidence with start to rise, you will have obtained valuable information as to what women want and like. You will confidently be able to identify IOI's( by actually experiencing them) and it will all get a lot easier. Then you can start to approach women you are attracted to.

Since it's all in your head, you need to assume a power position in order to convey the right amount of confidence to achieve a seduction. Finding lesser women in your eyes will enable you to have this power. The more you experience this power position, the more you will embrace it. Then you can start moving up the latter with confidence.

Start at 5/6's It shouldn't take long to start moving up.



Try it out.

I think it will work for ya.

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Seduce their mind and the rest will follow.

All of us fear rejection because it hurts when we're not used to it. It's like a full contact spar in karate. We feel our balls in our throats anticipating the kick to our jaw or the punch to our solar plexus.

Once you get a few of those kicks and punches, evading some here and there, you want to hit back. That's when the anticipation of pain or fear is gone. It is now replaced with your desire to hit back which many interpret as courage.

I tell you, it is not courage nor the absence of fear. You hit back because you know a technique or two with confidence.

I say, approach all women and say your routines: young, old, ugly, beautiful, your sister, your mother, and so on. Don't limit your routines to the women you want to have sex with.

After a while when a woman you like appears, your approach will just be a reflex. You will still feel your balls in your throat but your routines will get you through.

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Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

You're absolutely right - I don't get validation of the IOIs - I think that is important. I can only assume they were IOIs so it doesn't stengthen my confidence. I've never really thought of it that way.

And hey I actually like chubby chicks if the curves are in the right places . But I see where you're coming from in going after girls I don't find extremely attractive. I actually had a perfect opportunity to test that this weekend.

To give you an idea where my head is at... One night a girl come up to me and tells me her friend likes me and I should dance with her. This friend turns out to be a hot blonde. It takes me ten minutes to gather the courage but I grab her hips and she immediately backs into me. Basically for the next hour and a half she's grinding against me. At the end of the night when the music stopped I had no idea what to do. She's standing close to me playing with her phone (I believe waiting for me to do something) and I STILL have it in my head that I shouldn't assume she wants to give me her number or go home with me so I just leave the bar doing nothing.

"Hey clearly there's lots of well dressed women here, but there's something about the way you've been working the room..."

Or just go with "You look bored, my name's so-and-so nice to meet you"


Remember 99% of communication of non-verbal, it's not WHAT you say, it's HOW you convey it. Do some breathing exercises to lower anxiety, and more importantly come into the interaction with the notion that you're worthy of love (from a beautiful woman), and that she has the exact same needs as you and YOU ARE that guy to fullfill them (and have yours fulfilled too at the same time).

There's a news article recently about the top 5 regrets people who were dying had.

One was being afraid to be themselves throughout life because of social things held them back. When your 80 and coming to an end you don't want this regret.

Go for it! What do you have to lose? Nothing. What do you have to gain? Fuck loads.

In the future if this happens again or anything similar. If your self doubt is taking over. Ask her! Let the woman seduce you. Ask questions like, Do you think I sexy? Do you want to see whats under this shirt? Do you think you could handle me? Do you want to kiss me? Etc etc.( I am sure you get the point)

You will seem to be seducing her ( in her eyes) but really you are just asking questions you are curious about. The way she answers any of these questions will surely dictate what she wants and hopefully help you to progress.

Oh and one other thing.

Stop being a BIG PUSSY. You are 38 yrs old. You should know by now the worst thing that can happen is you get turned down. Big fucking deal. Life's full of let downs. This reward far out weighs the risk.

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Seduce their mind and the rest will follow.