Before you read anything i want you to know, that i am writing this as a newbie guy who is working his way up,
wel recently i start going out to achieve my goal, wel my ambition is to work with the group like rsd in future even though rightnow i am not really that good.
wel I know that no matter what i always make time for myself to go out and everytime i go out there is war going inside my head the war between "unconcious mind" and "consious mind". i always try to stay positieve, by repeating things like " i dont give a fuck" "i am just having fun" "i have to push myself" "you have to man up" "you will be good someday" "my will power is stronger that that" "focus on now " "their is no easy way" wel even with all that knowledge i still hesitate a lot. i know have been going out only for like a week, and in a week i manage to pull only one number which is fake or she dont have credit to response. s. so to get to the point i have little bad night yesterday i started to get all those negatief though like "i am not that far like i thought" before i user to believe that i can be anything but when i am in negatieve state " I still think i can do it" but in deep down i started to feel little doubt but even so in my mind it is clear that it was bad night and its going to be okay and tommorow is a new day and i will be going out tommorow. coz my will power is strong i gues thats the only thing i have haha lol. ok even when i decide to go out, i cant seems to find "how can this be fun? sometime i have little fun that is because i achieve something not because of appraoching and i know you guys gonna say "yeah dont focus on result be self amusing and all other advice like i said since i am determined guy i read all those advice. what i want from you advance guys is that. i am not having fun because "is it that every newbie has to go through this stage"? if so then i am ready to do this until it became fun. second question is "is game gonna be more fun when you reach higher level? are you happier now than before ?
THANK YOU FOR READING THIS UNTIL NOW BUT I WOULD REALLY APPRECIATE IF YOU GUYS SPEND 5 MINUTES OF YOUR LIFE TO GIVE ME SOME FEEDBACK ON THIS POST. NOW I AM GONNA TAKE A SHOWER AND GO OUT and i will be expecting response when i come back

yes it will get much better when it becomes easier, btu the next level challenge will always be there.

Your main problem now is balance. You need to balance field work, with reading, with practicing, with winging, with journaling and with thinking. Your monomaniac approach will burn you out, and wont yield good results.

It is normal what are you feeling right now , feeling hesitation when approaching when you want to go "in" and at the same time escape, but it takes practice to overcome this, after a while you will see things clearly and you wont feel like this .
My biggest advice to you is to KEEP CALM

thank you everyone