There is this girl at work that I’ve known for nearly a year now. In the past there has been a lot of flirting between us (both face to face and via email), but as she had a long term boyfriend who now lives with her I didn’t pursue things. Plus, as there was someone else at work that I liked even more, my mind was taken off this one. Therefore, things fizzled out and the flirting and conversations between this girl and I became far less frequent, and there was less flirting in the conversations. Then, in the last month, her boyfriend actually got a job in the same company as us surprisingly (on a different floor), so I actively cut down the flirting with her. As an aside, I have actually met her boyfriend through another friend of mine (who is good friends with her and her bf).

However, yesterday several of us (including her boy friend) went out for drinks after work. Even before we got to the pub that evening she was walking with me and talking to me (while her boyfriend was already at the pub before we left with some other colleagues). Then at the pub while we were all standing around outside with our drinks, she was very chatty with me and even gave me a couple of playful hits during the conversation (I’m sure people around us and her boyfriend must have seen this). She seemed more interested in talking to me than her boyfriend and anyone else. In fact, in the entire time she was out (around an hour before her and her bf left), she must have been talking to me for 80-90% of that time. Though, because of her bf being there I made sure I didn’t actively flirt with her in the conversation, that my body language wasn’t too open (standing sideways to her with my head turned round to her), and that I didn’t use any kino on her (I normally would use a little on her). Near the end of our conversation her bf joined us and while he was just talking normally with us, he was actually giving me some strong eye contact and was staring me out a couple of times.

Now, I’m not asking whether I should pursue this as I know that would be entering dangerous territory, and I’d like to think I am not one of those sleazes that would actively ruin a relationship. What I am wandering is why would she do that, and how do I play it from here? She is not a “slut” and doesn’t really flirt with other guys in the office, so I’m confused as to why she would do that? Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like she never flirted with me in the past and suddenly is now, it’s that other people’s and her boyfriend’s presence almost encouraged the flirting, bizarrely.

It's nice to see someone who is respectful enough to not try to ruin someone's relationship. Good for you.

There are a lot of reasons she could be doing this, but the two biggest ones I can think of are as follows:

1) She's naturally flirty. I know she was focusing on you, but some women tend to pick a target and flirt with them specifically, sometimes without even realizing.

2) She was trying to make her boyfriend jealous. Maybe he has been doing the same thing to her lately and she's returning the favor. Maybe they're going through a rough patch and she is looking for a replacement (women can't stand being single, kind of funny). There could be a million reasons for this.

What's interesting is that by you purposely keeping your body language closed off and remaining a little distant, you could very well be increasing her attraction toward you. If she ends up breaking it off with her boyfriend, you might just have an opportunity available with her.

agreed.

Thanks, I’ve always believed that what goes around comes around.
Yeah that makes sense, could be either or both of those reasons. Think I’ll just take it as it comes, and keep on going with the flow.

Hey Rexus,

She know's exactly what she is doing by flirting with you in front of him, from what you have told me I am pretty convinced that this girl is the kind of conniving little tart that gives all girls a bad name.

If she has done it to him, then she would do it to you should things ever progress with the two of you.

My advice to you, let her lavish attentions and flirtations upon you and don't return them, this will make you look hotter to all the other girls in your workplace, use her in the same way she is trying to use you, as a launching pad to something better.

String her along enough privately to make her think that she's getting under your skin, then publicly treat her like an annoying clingy girl and act totally disinterested.

Normally I would not condone treating a girl in such as way, but this one deserves it, her behaviour is inexcusable and as for the boyfriend, fuck him, he enables this behaviour, if you do decide to chuck this girl a casual shag then don't feel bad about it, it's his fault for not being strong enough to handle his woman or leave her when she embarassed him in public.

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"Stay hungry, stay healthy, be a gentleman, believe strongly in yourself and go beyond limitations.” - Arnold Schwarzenegger

If this girl was like that, then I totally agree with what you say and that would be a good tactic. I don't think she is quite that bad though, she has never fooled around with me and it was only mild flirting in front of her bf, it was more the fact she was more focussed on me than him. Good ideas though and if this girl really does turn out to be like that, then I know what to do lol.