Ok, so i'm not a new member, i'll just throw that out there. About a year ago, i got into this community because i was so desperate to find some kind of answer.. some way to get out of my pit of loneliness. I tried some game here and there, but i always sucked ass.

Now lets spring forward to today. I'm currently on anti-depressants, and feel a shit ton better. I realize just how bad i am at talking to women, and actually feel like i can do something about it.

heres the catch: my mom and dad never have been close to me, i was homeschooled, and basically spent most of my life alone. Now i am BEGGING for help. Not because i'm depressed, But because i know i can be great! i just dont know the exact road.. I'm actually a damn good lookin dude, just don't have all my social skills down (typical homeschooler) lol please EXPERIENCED MEMBERS. what the fuck should i do???!

Hey man! I would love to help you but I am unclear as to what you are asking for.

It seems to me that you need to get back in the saddle and realize that whatever happens, things can only get better. You dont need to win all the time, it is enough to know that each time you fail, you become a bit better. Dont feel bad if you dont get better immediately, it is all part of the learning process.

But above all, you need to start trusting in yourself, try to at least. Make a decision to get better and be prepared to spend time and effort on it. Do or do not, there is no try.

_________________
I'm not trying to be a dick Ezo, but you're being a Pick Up Snob in my opinion.

bbardot: you just reminded me about porn

I realize that man, and thank you. I guess a big part of my personality is "being the best" i'm never satisfied with myself until i hit that point. I'm working on that a lot now.
after being on medication, heres what i've deduced about my problem..

My father is incredibly incompetent at socializing.
1. He avoids it (he blames it on the fact he hates confrontation)
2. I watch him interact with my mother, he never touches her, hardly ever looks at her(in fact he doesn't make eye contact with anyone hardly), and is very unaware of his actions
3. He can't say anything that isn't logical. growing up, thats all he told me. be logical.be logical. be logical. he beat it into my brain

My mother was extremely sensetive, and was the one who raised me.
1. she has chronic depression. (i took this on myself growing up)
2. I developed a literally more of a feminine personality, and their insecurities, having to look perfect ect

now, Pair that with homeschooling, and the other dysfunctional parts, i've been doomed from the start. I just don't know where to start with all this stuff. Yes, i want to pick up girls. HELL YES i want to get laid. But i also want to become better at interacting with people in general. I've made marketed improvements over the past few months, but i still have so much to learn. I guess i'm looking for some kind of father figure.. someone to guide me and can show me what the fuck i'm supposed to be doing..


--- my problem is i've NEVER been in the saddle. i dont even know what the saddle is lmao. I'm 19, and just coming into the world. My parents were religious freaks who believed marriage was the only time sex was allowed. I feel condemnation in my own head when i think about women sexually, like i'm some sort of pig. i dont know how to reroute myself

My father is the same way. I was fortunate enough to befriend a few alpha males over the years without realizing, and they've molded my confidence the way my father should have. You're not doomed. If anything, you have a few strengths on your side that most other men don't. Since your mother has rubbed off on you, you're probably more emotionally intelligent than a lot of other people. This means that you will be able to gauge people more easily and interpret their body language easier since you are more sensitive.

You seem to be at least partially blaming your father for these issues, and to an extent, he does deserve some of the blame. I still blame mine, but that can also be turned into a strength. I don't want to be the overly nice guy who lets others push him around. I have the drive to break that mold because I've seen the way he's been for the last 23 years of my life and I want to be more than that. You can do the same.

My advice would be to make as many new friends as possible. Get into a good social circle - and note the importance of the world "social". You don't want to hang around a bunch of guys who sit together in a dark room playing Call of Duty all day. Get into a social circle with a mixture of both guys and girls who like to go out and have fun. You will almost definitely run into an alpha male at some point, and if you befriend him he'll quickly rub off on you and you'll build confidence quickly.

Word. What should i start with in the mean time? i dont want to wait for someone to come along and help me. I need to take the initiative.

There are a lot of ways to make friends. College is a great place to meet people, and if you're not going to school, you could always get a job. Pick somewhere fun with employees of your own age. You'll end up making friends with them and that will be the start of it all. If, by chance, you don't click with them, try to be social with the customers. For example, if you work as a bartender you can easily make friends with the customers just by striking up casual conversation. If worst comes to worst, quit the job and find a new one.

That's just one of the many, easy places to meet new people. If you have even one or two friends already, take them out with you to a club and talk to new people and try to get in with them.

I live in a real small area, no clubs haha. even my college is real small. i kinda feel like a got a bad rep from last year, which is when i first "came out of hiding" from homeschooling. definitely a lot more awkward and shit. im trying to get a job lifeguarding this summer.. that should be pretty ill

Yeah, well my parents were not very good either for many reasons. I got a lot of bad advice and I have come to realize that none of that matters. People try to hold on to that stuff as long as they can because it feels safer that way. But it isnt worth it, it is better to realize that you are better off listening to your own voice. Things that make sense to you. The best your parents could give you were general guidelines anyway, what worked for them doesnt necessarily work for you.

So you are on your own. When you realize that, you can start over and remodel your life and behaviour the way you want it. Dont be afraid to throw out old limitations and habits. As long as you got the tools to fix whats wrong with your behaviour, you can go far. And the tools, if you didnt get them from your partents, go get them yourself.

The ones you will need are:

Insight of self
Ruthless honesty with self
Dedication to change
Willingness to take pain
Critical thinking
Acceptance of own flaws

_________________
I'm not trying to be a dick Ezo, but you're being a Pick Up Snob in my opinion.

bbardot: you just reminded me about porn

i have those qualities. i guess i'm just overwhelmed at this point where to take it and apply it

Read How I Found Freedom In an Unfree World by Harry Brown. It's not specifically PUA related, but LIFE related. You obviously need to deprogram some of the negitive, self defeating/hating patterns instilled in you by your parents.

Your life is YOURS. Live it by your own terms. Small towns are great for creating a social circle fast. Talk to EVERYONE. Strike up conversations in line at the store, at the library, cafe, park...with hot babes, with dudes, with old people, young people, fatties, outcasts...EVERYONE, EVERYWHERE. People will begin to remember you, recognize you and feel comfortable talking to you when they see you. BANG! Social proof and a social circle. Smile and read up on body language.

You're 19 and already taking steps to sieze control of your own life. That puts you in a very rare group. Congratulations. It's not always easy or fun, but it's the most rewarding way to live.

_________________
Indulgence not compulsion.

I guess your right. I've slipped recently into talking to only my few friends because i've been tired of all the bullshit. But if i want to improve myself.. gotta make an effort.

Thanks hanky panky