I know this 6.5-7 that I have minor feelings for (I used to be head over heels). I AM CURRENTLY AN AFC!...yes I admit it. Now the thing is it seems as though she is in control. We are "LJBM". The most we have done is just a kiss on the cheek, nothing much. We have studied a ton over the past year together I always go to her condo (we live in the same building). Thing is I always used to ask her and ALOT of the time she would say sure...then later she would text me saying that she was busy or just didnt feel like it... Like recently I asked her to go to the movies and she said sure....but then later she said shes not up for it. We are pretty good friends I would say, but I am really stuck in. I used to act like a chump and helped her whenever she needs help. BUT recently I have said "**** this" and have sort of started to ignore her. We are both 17 and in grade 12 and have one class together. Recently she has texted me things like: Hey bud what homework do we have for chemistry? And I respond like this: Not sure, didnt write it down. So I was wondering what I should have said or if what I said was being an ALPHA and not giving in to being an IW. I really have no idea...

Also she facebooked me last night and said this: "Hey bud,
don't know why we've stopped talking we were legit really great friends before and i hope we can find that again one day soon"

I am in control now and I have no idea what to do. I am going to see her today. I didnt reply back last night. Should I pretend like I didnt see it? Should I wait for her to approach me IRL? Should I talk to her today? tomorrow??

Thanks alot (this is my first post)

Cmon guys this is really urgent.

This is what I plan on doing:

Today Im going to talk to her after class and just straight up tell her that I dont need to stick around and that she needs to stop doing the opposite of what she says (I asked her to go to the movies and she said sure then later she called it off like usual). Thats pretty much it...and to see what her reaction is and flow off of that.

So is that good? Is that alpha? Also if she says she can change and she'll try to do better or whatever, should I say well lets go to the movies tonight then? Or don't ask her that?

anybody???

If you want to havea relationship with her then stop being too damn available bro. Stop being her homework bitch and freeze her out. You need to focus on another thing away from this girl for now. She's feeling that you're a little bit distant thus the fb message.

She'll think of you more and miss you, and that's your goal, let her mind invest on the thought of you. Don't invest too much time on one girl. You will see the difference

[quote="Migster"]If you want to havea relationship with her then stop being too damn available bro. Stop being her homework bitch and freeze her out. You need to focus on another thing away from this girl for now. She's feeling that you're a little bit distant thus the fb message.

She'll think of you more and miss you, and that's your goal, let her mind invest on the thought of you. Don't invest too much time on one girl. You will see the difference[/quote] alright so what should i do about the fb message?? Should i pretend like i didnt see it? Or talk to her about it? Thanks alot for ur advice bro

I say don't respond, you'll be on her mind all the time she'll worry why you didn't respond, if your mad, etc etc. It's a good thing. It'll also show her that you have a life and that she's not your priority, that way she won't take you for granted and invest more time in you and make you feel special in order to gain your attention back. Think about it good luck man

You sound so similar to my friend.

Thanks alot man! Yea i will probably just let her approach me first...itll prolly be soon cuz shes prolly getting worried... Bit when she does approach me what should i say?

Just got a number close with a 5.5-6. Pree happy:) she told me to text her. We go to the same school. How long should i wait?

bump

It sounds like she thinks of you as a friend, and you haven't given her a reason to change that diagnosis.

My advice is to forget your long explanations and complicated feelings. No girl wants to hear about your feelings, and a man wouldn't tell her about them. So be a man.

So what should you say when she asks?
Here's a few choices:
1. Oh, yeah we're still friends! I've just been busy lately! *hug then keep ignoring her*
2. I've got enough friends lately, I'm looking for a girlfriend. Wish me luck! *walk away forever *
3. Oh yeah, I'm kind of busy working on finding a girlfriend. Know anyone I should meet?

Basically none of these will lead to you dating her. I don't think you'll ever date her. If I had to choose one, I'd pick the second. The third may actually help you get a girl.

But none of these are needy, and ignoring her WILL help to eliminate your emotional attachment!

[quote="Slip n Slide"]It sounds like she thinks of you as a friend, and you haven't given her a reason to change that diagnosis.

My advice is to forget your long explanations and complicated feelings. No girl wants to hear about your feelings, and a [b]man[/b] wouldn't tell her about them. So be a [b]man[/b].

So what should you say when she asks?
Here's a few choices:
1. Oh, yeah we're still friends! I've just been busy lately! *hug then keep ignoring her*
2. I've got enough friends lately, I'm looking for a girlfriend. Wish me luck! *walk away forever *
3. Oh yeah, I'm kind of busy working on finding a girlfriend. Know anyone I should meet?

Basically none of these will lead to you dating her. I don't think you'll ever date her. If I had to choose one, I'd pick the second. The third may actually help you get a girl.

But none of these are needy, and ignoring her WILL help to eliminate your emotional attachment![/quote]

Brilliant post mate thank you!

I completely agree on the fact that she thinks as me as just a friend and yes I havent given her a reason to change, no. In other words Im in the friend zone.

I will try to get rid of my complicated feelings for her. It is obviously hard to do and sometimes I put myself in her shoes and worry about her...I KNOW I shouldn't do that.

Great choices to choose from. I think I like #1 the most but that would still let her know that we are friends. Thing is I see no problem in still being friends.....is there really any negatives? I would still like to be friends...but is it possible??

#2 is cold and so is three. I like #2 more than three though.

My goal is not to date her. I KNOW she would never date me. Thanks so much for your help bro.

Another question for you. Should I approach her and tell her this or let her come to me?? Because if I let her come to me I think she will just forget...and I kind of want to talk to her....

Slips option 1 is the only one you should consider using if you want this girl in anyway..

What is it that you want from her anyway?

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[quote="Fuze"]Slips option 1 is the only one you should consider using if you want this girl in anyway..

What is it that you want from her anyway?[/quote]

I think I will do option 1. Thanks fuze. Do you recommend me approaching her or waiting for her to talk to me?

Also...I would LIKE to be more than friends but since I know thats not going to happen I would just like to be good friends like we already are (were?...we havent talked in a while). Thing is I just want to stay in a relationship with her WITHOUT acting all AFC and having a bit more control (no more cancelled study sessions or movies or whatever). To sum up I would still like to be friends while showing her I am not an AFC. Thanks alot for your help Fuze.

We can't give you magic words to say.. Your words should reflect your attitude and beliefs, which come off all over your entire demeanor. Basically, you can fake it til you make it, but the girls along the ride already will probably see right through it. The problem with just staying friends and not walking away altogether is that we don't want you to get hurt, or so attached to this girl that you waste a bunch of time and energy pursuing her instead of other women and focusing on self growth. If you can push your feelings aside and just be her friend, then do it and do option 1. If not, then save yourself the suffering and just do option 2 or 3. Many of us have been there before and can predict what will most likely happen

Probably the best advice yet. Thank you guruman.

I understand now. I think I can push my feelings aside and just be her friend. I think that I won't get hurt because I am finally seeing the mistakes I made before (having ONEitis) so I can fix those now and talk to other girls. I think tomorrow I will talk to her and say that I was just busy and yea were still friends and that I'm sorry.

Wish me luck!