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here are the points that don't quite line up
a few years back, after busting my ass in the gym, to the point of exhaustion, i managed to run into my first lay. this was in fact what lead me on the path of PU. after she toyed with me, i decided to toy back, googling how to make your girlfriend jealous, and then discovered a few PU sites.
long story short, 24 was pretty damned late to loose the V, i committed a great many AFC mistakes, and put the poor girl through some mizzery. in any event, id like to think i have improved myself a great deal since then, but, i have encountered such a great obstacle that i just dont know what to fucking do about it anymore, so i am back on the web, seeking assistance, hopefully with someone who has gone through similar events.
a few years back, i was working in a restraunt, as a cook, which was pretty much all i have ever done, so i am pretty good at it. i really started to game when i was at this place, and low and behold i was seeing results, but being the picky bastard that i am, i turned down a lot of vagina, and although i had experienced the odd hater before, what happened during this phase of my pu developement took me completely off gaurd.
you see i got fired from that job eventually, not because i couldnt do my job, but because i pretty damn well out gamed every male there, and tho i didnt know it at the time, every female i turned down more or less behaived like a woman scorned. i had cooks sabataging entire vats of salads, managers trying to get me fired of rediculous shit, even had a server try to get me fired because i accidently brushed up against a napkin hanging out of her ass pocket. (she was really jealous because i was after someone else).
yes, there was indeed a lot of hate at that time. and after loosing my job, and entering the job search market again, i discovered even more. i went looking for work at other joints, one time, the head chef came out, looked at me up and down and said, were not hiring. i was shocked, to say the least, i knew exactly why as conceded as it sounds. but when someone looks at you up and down and his face changes to that of envy, you just know.
this is the part that doesn't add up, if you were looking so hard for a job and putting out so many resumes then you wouldn't give two fucks about this
so, a good year went by, i managed to find a part time job in sales, which low and behold my pu training had given me a bit of a nack for. but that didnt last long because yet again, the boss didnt like the attention i was getting from the girls at the mall, and he didnt like that when he was away on vacation and one of my co workers quit, and no one could get a hold of him that i took care of shop, and seemingly ignored the fact that i worked double shifts (16 hours a day) so as to save him thousands of dollars in fines from the mall. then he tried to take all that over time and give me straight time...
well so as this doesnt turn into a giant bitch fest. ill just cut to the chase. i clued into exactly what was happening after devouring a few more books on psychology and human social behavior. tho, by this time, i had already lost my appartment, racked up the credit cards just to pay rent and feed myself, i lost my beloved ferrets, and all of my former afc life friends. (good riddenze anyway). and was eventually left with nothing. i sold everything trying to bounce back. eventually, even my parents started to accuse me of not looking for work, despite having documented over 500 resumes that one year, and just as many the next. i stayed with a lot of relatives, and when that ran out, i ended up homeless this last year, tho just for a little while. what a mess of problems that was.
ive since bounced back, unfortunetly its been a good year or two since i have worked out, suppose i lost all the pay off from all that hard work too. gained a bunch of weight also, went from 174p when i had my appt, to about 220. cut my hair down to the wood, and BAM landed jobs.
now i cannot begin to express how incredibly unhappy i am to have discovered that other males will go out of there way to destroy another male when it comes to sex, especially when they have no idea how to be an alpha in the first place. they think they know, but there really clueless. i also cannot begin to express how unhappy i am to have lived as a novice PUA, if that at all, and now going through a huge dry spell.
but here is where i need the advice.
you see i have recently decided that even if it means being homeless and unable to find a job because of insecure afc mother fuckers running the show, i am going to go back to the gym and get in shape again, AND start to game again because i hate that i have gotten rusty.
the only thing that has really changed, is my attitude towards other males. and yes i realize it is slightly conflicting to be asking other males for advice when i am about to say what i am about to say.
i hate men, i mean that with a blind passionate rage, i blame afc's for the nights i spent sleeping outside of town border line hypothermic because i couldnt start so much as a fire to keep warm without getting arrested or worse.
i find myself willingly justifying punching some asshole in the throat and watching him choke to death when i see a flash of envy cross his face because i know what comes after that, deep down i know this is wrong and wont do it. (and yes at 220 i still get attention from chix, because as many of you know its 90% mental when it comes to women, and i am still the same man on the inside even if these twats cant see past my exterior and hire me, the women certainly do. +the rage i suppose)
my biggest failure in PU has been disarming the obstacles, and i know its something that is partially my fault. i want to fix it. but if i cannot, well, fuck it, all of it, i see no reason to be civil in the future, and i most sincerely want to be civil. ive led a pretty spiritual life up until recently.
help.
really, you are extremely reactive, I would guess you are needy, you probably learned a few routines and now you think your some better person or something, you need to work on yourself, this is criticism, no one is trying to insult you, just help you out, it is obvious by your post you have a very fragile ego, and a negative victim outlook on life, your will be defined by the actions you take, if your actions are as a result of other peoples approval and you lack that outward validation you will find your life become more and more negative, think of people as a mirror into yourself, you get treated how you treat others, how people react to you is a reflection of how you feel about others on the inside, if you are unhappy, people will be unhappy being around you, if you hate others, others will in turn hate you back, what you do creates causation, and having everyone hate you everywhere you go and your parents on your ass about not making something out of yourself says alot more then ''IT'S EVERYONE ELSE'S FAULT IM A GOOD PERSON BUT ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE JEALOUS OF ME AND HATE ME CAUSE OF MY AMAZING SUCCESS, BUT IM TOO PICKY AND THAT IS WHY I DON'T ACTUALLY END OFF WITH SUCCESS, AFTER ALL JUST LOST MY V AT 24'', it just doesn't line up, and getting mad about it won't help you either, only trying to improve yourself by being less reactive and emotional towards other people will help you, as well as taking the initiative to better your own life, nothing stops you from being motivated and driven except yourself