Last night I had one of those nights that everyone dreads, when your oneitis snogs another guy. There is this girl at work who I get on exceptionally well with, loads of IOIs (see this old thread about her girl-i-work-with-gives-me-a-kiss-on-the ... highlight=) and she’s even kissed me on the lips at a previous night out. She almost was a oneitis, I think….

And to make matters worse, she has a long term, long distance boyfriend. But that’s not the fucked up thing! Last night when we were out after work with some colleagues/mates, she was all over me, gave me another kiss on the lips, a big wet kiss on the cheek and kissed my hand. She was very drunk at the time and when she is drunk it’s clear she is a slut. Afterwards, she told me to come with her to the dance floor and wanted to dance. However, as I was feeling very drunk, but more so because I didn’t have the confidence to dance and try it on with her (lack of experience and fear of looking like an idiot with the one girl you don’t want to look bad in front of), I didn’t really dance with her and stood their talking. Then, another colleague of mine (who she had talked to earlier) sees how drunk she is and starts dancing with her. I go back and sit down and then to my surprise/horror, I see them making out.

To sum up, I don’t know what I’m more upset about.

1) My kind of oneitis gets it on with someone else.
2) Knowing that should have been me with her instead of him, and I should have taken the chance!!!!!
3) When a girl you’ve wanted for a long time you don’t get, but then someone else does easily.
4) Knowing now that given she is in a long term relationship and does that kind of thing, she is clearly a slag, and what am I doing getting hung up about over a slag.

Your thoughts?

How do I make sure this doesn’t happen again and move on?

P.S. This is a completely different girl than the one mentioned on this recent thread (regret-or-rejection-may-never-get-this- ... highlight=), where it looks like I may have missed my chance with this other girl as she is leaving the country. When you combine both these 2 situations, I’m really starting to think why is life so fucked up. Though, the only saving grace could possibly be that both these situations prove that neither is a oneitis.

Would you really want to get it on with a girl that would get it on with just about anybody? Would you still get it on with her when she's drunk, knowing you're not that special to her after all? Don't feel bad at all! She did you a favor. If you want to get an easy lay, just get her drunk. Don't fall in love with a slut.
This happened to me once, and I was so glad I didn't have anything with this girl in the end.

_________________
rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

We all go through oneitis. When I had it, the girl had a boyfriend, who was a cool guy btw, and I knew at that time I couldn't have her, so what I did is I just sarged other girls. And to top things up, that moment was when I was great at pick up, and ended up forgetting about her

_________________
There's no I'll try, its do or die

She's a slut. Forget about her. You can find better chicks.

Just like Txacoli said, she did you a favor. Imagine if you two were in a relationship and she did that to you. Now that is when you should feel like shit. You were fortunate enough to see the warning signs ahead of time before you got too far into it.

1) You should feel like shit about not taking something you wanted because you were a pussy.
2) You should be happy about the fact some other dude showed you how easy it is
3) You should be happy you have found out what kind of a person she is
4) You should still be attracted to her and try to hook up with her (unless you have an aversion against girls who have fun (when drunk)), just don't expect her to be a loyal gf to you or anything like that
5) You shouldn't have oneitis on a girl like this unless you have low self esteem yourself (in which case I guess you can't really help it)

Can we stop thinking about that girl for a minute and focus on you?

Here's the deal: No matter how slutty the girl is, there's some aspect of your game that you really want to work on. For instance, being scared of dancing... If you don't have the confidence to dance with the girl you like, will you have the confidence to make out with her, or even have sex with her? I don't think so...

You should start going out more often and try to hit the dancefloor to have fun. Start dancing, start being comfortable on the dancefloor. So that the next time you have a golden opportunity with a girl you like, you won't blow it by being scared of dancing!

To be honest, this thread should of never been written because of the simple fact that you are the one who should of dance with the girl before...

_________________
Dear Optimist, Pessimist & Realist,

Just to let you know that while you guys were arguing about the glass of water...... I drank it!

Sincerely, the Opportunist

Watch this, it'll help immensely.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iT6QxRkjCAQ

1) Too right. And I certainly do feel very, very shit about that.
2) Not actually sure I feel happy about that lol.
3) Again, not sure if I’m happy about that, but it certainly has opened my eyes and made things clearer. Now I know I just want bang her as opposed to anything more serious.
4) I do want to nail her but for obvious reasons I have absolutely no intention of starting a relationship with a “slag” like that. I’m better than that.
5) Of course. I think it has always been partly about doing it for myself, for my own pride and confidence. Now, that is the case much more so. It's about getting a girl that I really should have got with, as I'm getting sick and tired of being in situations where I really should have got the girl and never did.

She isn't a Virgin, and she would be with guys after you too.

So instead of feeling like shit, just play the game with her, have a passionate night together and then see what you'd like to do.

She might end up falling for you and quit being with other guys or you might realize you don't want to be with her.

You are exactly at the same spot you were before you saw her at the dance floor i.e. A guy wanting to get into her pants desperately

I totally agree. As mentioned in my previous post it always has been, and now even more so, about doing it for myself, my confidence and my pride.

It is also so true what you said about trying to hit the dancefloor more and have fun, as my lack of experience in those situations can come back to haunt you when you have a golden opportunity with a girl you like. As it clearly did for me! Don’t get me wrong, when I’m with my mates in a club I have no problem dancing. It’s when I’m dancing one on one with a girl and the situation calls for me to make a move that I have to get better at.

Yes, I do intend to play the game with her.

Though, there is actually no conceivable way I’d want to be in a relationship with her. Firstly, if she can do that stuff with me and particularly that other guy, she could easily do it again. Secondly, I’d be ashamed to have someone as classless and low quality as that to be my girlfriend. Doesn't stop me from attempting to nail her though! I need to man up.

Thanks for all the other posts.

On a positive note, after it happened (she made out with him), she went outside with him while she had a smoke and when she came back she saw me talking to a random girl in the bar. Hopefully at least it showed that not only was I not pissed off about it, but I was unaffected and having fun. So, maybe I have the first step of PUA right in not being visibly effected by things. I now need to concentrate on the mental side.

You see the Irony here?

welcome to reality, girls are just guys with vaginas, just fucking embrace it already, girls get horny, girls love sex, and hotties learn about abundance much earlier then most guys because they get approached rather then having to approach, (the guys that learn about abundance are the most confident), you see, find someone you like, try to fuck them, it is a yes or a no, if it is a no, who gives a shit there will be someone you can find every single day if you look, who is attractive enough to approach and take a shot with, the process repeats, eventually you can refine your process to be more efficent, and by default you will gradually shape greater results from previous experiences and it all starts to lose its importance and you realize we are all human and people hookup with people, there is no magical anything you have to do besides make it happen, this was just a good example of you having an opportunity that you failed to make happen, the next guy over (she did the approach and got the no *this is girl style they are more indirect about shit*, so she got rejected, no biggie, onto the next guy), next guy made it happen and she got what she wanted, you can learn a lot from what happened