| Then you gotta realize she isn't special.
I've been on this forum for a while, I'm definitely in a better place than I was about 8 months ago when I first joined. And after seeing all of these threads in this section about my fellow men asking how to make that one girl they're crushin on, that female friend, coworker, girl that works at teh store you always shop at, etc, I feel the need to step in.
I had oneitis once, with a girl I was hooking up with. I was head over heels, I thought that she was so amazing, and fuck, she was SLEEPING WITH ME. It was an event, beautiful. But I missed something...she didn't want a relationship. But I kept in accordance with her wishes, knowing that all the time we spent together would eventually lead to us truly dating.
Nothing could have been further from the truth. Fact is, I was depressed. I was dealing with the death of my father, I was a suicide risk by the university's beliefs, and I wanted this girl to fix the feelings of loneliness. I clinged to this girl like you couldn't believe. I had her...she was into me, attracted, but I couldn't leave her alone for a day. It became clear to her that I had no sense of self-worth. My value as a human being, far as I was concerned, was defined by her standing next to me. Within a few weeks, she started dating around, and lo and behold I get this text from her one night:
"Eric, can I come up later tonight. Pleeeaaaaase?"
In case it isn't clear, my name isn't Eric.
I told her she had the wrong number, and like the stereotypical AFC, I believed her bs excuse about wanting to keep an eye on her drunk friend eric. She cut off contact with me completely one day, they started dating days later, despite her still telling me she wasn't ready for a relationship.
That's the shitty part. It gets better. I was down for a while after this, I mean nearly a year. Then, around this time but in 2011, I was startin to pick up. I was DJ'ing parties, having a good time, and meeting new women (without pickup, for the record). It hit me that just about one year ago, I was setting up my laptop at the house for a party, and I peeked out the window. The house was a walkup apartment overlooking a main street in pittsburgh with tons of bars. And for a moment, I was convinced I saw her. A few minutes later...that same girl, my oneitis, is walking up the steps to a party I'm Dj'ing that is filled with friends who knew how she screwed me.
She was ecstatic! She hugged everybody, myself included, after specifically telling me never to touch her again. The girl was hammered. It was actually pathetic. Here was this woman I had considered an angel a year before, but with her true self being more obvious. She was a drunken sophomore, and since I wasn't with her my willful blindness no longer existed. And let me tell you guys, it was sad. Her friends were embarassed, she practically molested dudes on the dance floor, and kept turning to me as if to say "remember this pussy? yeah, its not yours, dipshit." Perhaps thats a vicious interpretation, but it's what everybody seemed to feel.
Everybody except me...
I didn't care. I had been messing around wtih another girl, and wasn't rattled by it at all. I won't go into details, but my former oneitis ended up looking like a completely idiot in front of a hundred people, to the point where some people were convinced she wasn't even in college. Felt good seeing that I didn't lose much, but it made me think. Was she always like this? Was that girl always such a mess and I just dealt with it? She was still dating that guy, too, apparently. She was/is just a ho.
That's when it hit me, guys, we idolize women because we want female company on various levels. We want to be adored, we want to be lusted for, and honestly, we want to get laid. But you can never, ever let a girl become an idol.
I'm not jaded, I don't hate women. I just now no longer put the pussy on a pedestal. I went on this rant because I am not that guy anymore. It sucked, but I am better. Wanna know why? Because women are just people...that's it. They aren't goddesses, not ideals, they are just people. Look, guys, I am not going to claim I am a pimp, I don't have a hundred women lined up at my door just to get the chance to see my dick. But when I meet a girl, I remember she is just that...a person. And i will meet thousands more. So, buddies, when you go on and on about how you already met that one super girl and you are 19 years old? Just take a breath and ask yourself...do you need to convince her to give you a chance?
Or do you walk away, because you WERE her big chance.
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