Hey guys, I'm very, very new to the pick up game, and I recently had a "situation" with a chick that didn't go as intended. I'm trying to figure out where I went wrong so I don't fuck it up again! Here's the story:

So I met this chick over facebook, can't remember exactly how, but it had something to do with a mutual favorite band. Anyway, we've been talking on and off for about a year, and I very recently (within the last month), brought up the possibility of hanging out. She seemed to be pretty stoked on the idea, even commenting randomly on my wall one day asking to see if I was finally back home, and starting a random poke war with me; she gave me all the intentions that she genuinely wanted to hang.

Anyway, I get back, get her digits, and call her the next day (on Thursday). She doesn't pick up, so I leave a message, saying that we should hang on Friday, grab some coffee, and jam some tunes. I don't get a message until Saturday, here's the meat of the conversation:

Her: Sorry I just got your message, I wasn't in town then
Me: No biggie, see you around!
Her: you still in town?!
Me: still around, kind of busy with plans next week. Gimme a ring/text when you're free and we'll figure it out
Her: I'm baack, hit me up mr. popular!
Me: Hahaha, anything but! (Then a little reference to the band we both like)
Her: I know man, super stoked! Well let me know when you're free.
Me: See you soon =)

So I'm thinking, well, maybe she's actually being serious and not blowing me off (pun intended). So I text her a few days later, here's this conversation:

Me: Hey (her name), I hope you're day is going well! I'm gonna be free for a bit on Wednesday, let's hang if you're around.
Her: Day's going well =). Yeah as far as I know I have no plans, so hit me up and we can try to figure something out
Me: Sounds good, keep it metal until then!
Her: I just wanna rawk out for hours on end!
Me: (Some more band references)


Wednesday comes along, and she flakes again. Here's the convo:

me: rise and shine (her name), today's the day to mosh and roll! What's your schedule like this afternoon?
her: Hey man! I'm actually in the city this afternoon, wont' be back until late, sorry
me: Bummer dude, would have had more fun with me! Happy trails :0)
her: WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING?!?!? JK JK JK

So basically, what the fuck? I'm not really hung up on this chick or anything, but what a waste of time! I do recall checking out her facebook once a while back, and in reply to a friend asking what's going on, she said "oh you know, breaking the hearts of innocent guys." Probably a huge red flag, I definitely ignored that....haha.
Anyway, there are a few places where I think I might have went wrong:
- calling her instead of texting her that initial time, probably showed that i'm investing too much interest in her
- saying we should get coffee and listen to some music. I'm wondering if that put too much pressure on her as a "date", instead of a "hang out."

Well that's about it, any help/advise/criticism would be appreciated. Thanks dudes!

You've let her off the hook on multiple times. Going out on 'wednesday' should be going out on 'wednesday 2pm at place x'.
But other than this her interest is probably too low.

i dont know if u want this girl but ya, what u done was begging for the date, online game is like playing the mind game, u should too much interest in her, and u didnt do these things:
DHV,soi, push and pull, depend if her if supper hot if she is neg the crap outta her.btw DHV spike lots of it. and girl like amog, so u need to b one. and one thing is important, (idk if u know the terms if not i can teach you just pm me.) pretator never lay their teeth out while trying to eat his prey, so i would ask her advise about this: i like htis girl blah blah, what can i do etc. then if she say something about her self ioi her. then this show she is not important. and will to risk of losing the girl is part of the game. gl ask me if u dont know

She's getting attention from you with pretty much no effort. She may be pursuing other endeavors more actively. Freeze her out for a week or 2, when she comes be aloof until she asks you out.

Appreciate the responses everyone. I probably came off w l and tried to pursue this a bit more aggresively than I usually do; this would have been pretty interesting if I could have panned it out with a little more time!

Do not freeze her out... She wouldn't care if she isn't that invested.

Focus on buildin a bit more rapport through the phone... call her again in a day or so.

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seems like where you went wrong is you used a really really really safe way to meet her, you took a whole year to invite her out, you probably have not defined your interest or expressed intent, she knows this and does not want to meet, as for a lack or rapport or investment, if she has been chating it up with you for a whole year the comfort is certainly already as good as it is going to get, she just most likely is not interested at all beyond discussing bands on facebook

That's what I'm trying to figure out right now actually. I do know that she's mentioned I'm probably only one of the few friends she has that listens to the same music as her, and I know she has at least a little interest. I think the problem is the fact that I acted like a little bitch and didn't call her out on her flakiness when I should have. She was probably just trying to see if I was worth the time, hence why she pulled a little stunt and suddenly "got busy" on the days we were supposed to hang.

Not trying to say I'm an expert in this, because I'm faaaaaaaar from that, but that's kind of what I've been thinking about.

The year thing probably wasn't a good idea, problem is her and I are rarely in the same state at the same time. I've definitely defined my interest levels, probably too much, hence the resistance from her. Fuck mind games man!

What would you suggest as a better way to meet (or meat, heeheehee) her?

Aite dudes, I've been thinking about this situation a bit, and after reading some of your guys' responses, I think I've figured out where I fucked up:

So pretty much, I know she had interest. She enjoyed talking about the same music quite a lot as I do (music is a big part of her life, similar to me), she randomly started a poke war with me, she would comment on my wall if I didn't talk to her for an extended period of time, etc. Anyway, this flakiness bullshit she's pulling off was most likely to see if I would have the balls to call her out on it, instead of appease her bad behavior. Unfortunately, being the little bitch I am sometimes (or maybe the fact that I'm too nice of a person to chicks), I just didn't say a word about her flaking, and took it. She's just probably screening me to see if I'm an alpha or a beta, because if you look at it from her perspective, why the fuck should she invest any of her time, and drive all the way out there, if there's potential for it to be a very, very boring hang out?

As of right now, I've pretty much deleted her off Facebook (never again will I react with emotion)! She can take this one of two ways: 1. She assumes I've lost interest and don't want to talk to her, which means she's not going to be calling back. 2. She'll crawl back eventually and either re-add me, message me, or text me. I really hope it's the latter, since we've been "friends" for so long. Plus, it's not like she doesn't have my number. I could have potentially fucked this up (and to think, I might have shot myself in the damn foot), but this was a GREAT learning experience for me.

In the event she does text me/contact me about the whole facebook thing, I'm gonna laugh it off and make fun of her, plus bring up that she still has my number. I definitely think that I need to give this girl some shit, because the image I've painted of myself to her is a very wimpy one. Take shit from no one y'all, and happy hunting!

to me that is a screening point that she didn't pass, if you have showed intent and declared interest and a have a base level of rapport and she won't meet you, to me this is a sign of dis-interest, this is a girl that you will end up wasting your time on usually, you can stay persistent, with one or two messages every one to two weeks, and inviting her out here and there letting her flake all the time, but more likely then not it will never amount to anything, she probably will not meet you and if she does she won't be interested in having sex, but you never know sometimes there are circumstances that holding her back that you are unaware of, maybe she has another guy, maybe she is worried hanging out will suck, maybe she really is leaving the city, who knows, but what I do know is girls that consistently flake, tend to continue to consistently flake, they will put you in text hell and want your attention and the emotional stimulation that comes with it, but they don't want your penis or a meetup, as for you thinking this is a test for if you call her out on flaking, I would totally be against this, it shows how damn needy you are, she's not your girl friend getting all mad and irritated over some little shit she is doing (or rather not doing for you), just makes you look needy and desperate, if you want to do something along those lines, set a qualifier before the invite instead of getting all pissed off and raging on her afterwards (example. scale of 1-10 how likely are you going to meet me this time?, *if it is not 10* I don't know... that doesn't seem sure enough *she changes it to 10* I love it cool shit, ill see you then, *she didn't change it to 10* ok, well never mind)



other then that there is not too much you can do, it would benefit you more to actually go out and make an attempt to cold approach one new girl a day and actually develop a foundation of phone numbers, you will see the difference between flaky and not flaky, interested and dis-interested, it is not really even worth it to chase some flake around when you can just go find another girl that doesn't flake, it is simple to get phone numbers, just hard to work up the motivation to go do it, the chances are probably better that you find a girl way hotter then this one that will actually meet with you, if you just put in the effort to go find her and actually ask her out before a year is up

You spelled it out right there, so become less invested.

Yeah man, you make some very relevant and valid points; this is probably not a good thing to get tangled into or deal with. Time to move onto the next!

Yup, don't really plan on pursuing this any further.