Hey guys,

Few days ago, a hb9 I was dating for like 2 months asked me to sleep over at her place. We went out for diner, and she paid. After that we watched a movie togheter at her place. Everything was normal and fine. We decided to go to bed early, at around 11. But this time was different than usual. After I tried to make a move on her, she started to get really emotional and talked for 2 hours(!) about how she didn't want to lose me as a friend. (we've been good friends for 4 years, but she was dating someone else before.) She told me that she saw me as her best friend, she also told me that she felt more for me than just friends, and admitted she likes me. But she just didn't want to risk our friendship.

She also told me that she visits a psychologist, because she has some issues with herself, i.e. she told me that she doesn't even understand herself. (What is the case with most difficult women I believe). And she had talked about me with the psychologist, and the psychologist told her that it was better for her not to start a relationship soon.

But she also told me that, if in like 6 months she meets a new guy, she couldn't garantee that she wouldn't date him.

The thing is, I don't really now what to do, I always seem to have problems with moving on and forget about the girl. And Í don't think I should this time.

I have never been AFC or anything around her, only if we were lying in bed, I was "nice" to her just to let her know I was enjoying it her presence.

Do you guys have any advice for me, how to get her back to dating me, without being needy or AFC? Should i freeze her out and let her miss me? I would really appreciate your advice/story or experience.

Thanks in advance

PositiveVibe

next time you are in a situation similar to that, and she drops that shit, stop letting her set the frame, take control, just start saying, I UNDERSTAND, YOU'RE RIGHT BUT ISN'T THIS AWESOME, then plow plow plow, I UNDERSTAND (TRY TO KISS HER IF SHE DOESN'T BACK OFF OR SAY NO YOU'RE IN), just agree, agree, agree, THAT IS SO SWEET THAT YOU THINK SO MUCH OF ME and continue keep kissing her and touching her, until she heats up and reciprocates, continue, continue, continue, treat it like lmr, if she just seriously puts hand to face with a giant FUCK NO, don't seem mad, or angry or like you want to punish, just agree with her, pull out your phone, play with it for about 10 minutes text people and try again, if that is no good, it is time to set out what you want, tell her you can't be friends you don't think of her like that she turns you on etc., and start leading with what you want, not with what she wants, you do what she wants and you will be forever the friend, you escalate, not her, she resists, and puts up walls like this one, that is her job to test out your balls

I don't see anything wrong with being a girls friend... Guys are such losers when it comes to concepts like this. They feel its the end of the world if they're friend zoned. Like are you kidding me? Be her fucking friend, simple. I still get friend zoned every now and then and I sleep with plenty of women. And im perfectly fine being friend zoned. They usually hook me up with they're other friends anyway. You don't have to sleep with every girl you talk to on the phone or text.. You'll learn a lot from a friendship position if you just accept it for what it is..

Toddles

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She put you in the friends zone because she sees no other value in you, at least not enough for her to desire you as a prospective boyfriend. HOWEVER, this may also have more to do with her acknowledging that she's not ready for a relationship as she has interpersonal issues to work through. Freezing her out will only result in the termination of the relationship.

If she's told you she needs help and you take advantage of her vulnerability you're no different from any other self serving douche out there. Maybe you should stop thinking about your needs and put hers ahead of yours - it's not AFC, particularly when a person is telling you she needs to work through things, it's called having class and is the noble thing to do.

Thanks for the replies!
Usually i do this, but in this situation, where I know the girl for a long time, I trust every word she says. In 4 years i've known her, she never lied, nor tested me. So why wouldn't I believe her this time? Not sure what would have happend if I did this, but I think she would have pushed me away. And I kind of don't want to lose her as a friend, if she does not want a relationship.
I have absolutely no problem with being just friends with her, I just wonder if there is any way I can recovery from it. I kind of have oneitis for her, and working to get rid of it now, and it is working already! THANK GOD! But I somehow have to get rid of the feeling completely. I see her like 5 times a week, if we stay just friends, I don't want to still have oneitis for her.

I understand that if i want to get her back, i should not have oneitis. But I am just looking for some tips to get her back, with me having all the power and control back.
I completely believe her that she has personal issues, but I don't understand why she told me that if in i.e. 6 months she will find someone new, she couldn't garantee me that she would date him. Does this mean that I have no change in getting her back, with me having control about the "relationship"?

I really like to hear your guys experiences and tips!

Thanks

positivevibe

well that is the problem, you are trying to do something different from what works, you have to treat her the same as the rest of the girls you hit up, you can't have your cake and eat it too, if she gets what she wants and you don't rock the boat, then she is happy, why would she need to give you what you want, when she can avoid her anxiety about it, and just wait for some other guy she barley knows to come along and rock the boat, cause hey, it is normal for that guy to do it, she is used to you not rocking the boat, that is comfortable, and it is easier for her with some random guy, cause she doesn't care about him

it is really your choice in the end, from my perspective, friend zone usually comes down to two things

1)being a giant pussy who the girl can't consider having sex with cause she can't see him as a sexual person, he is far too safe
2)way to damn ugly/unattractive

since she indicated in your post that it was not number 2, that leads me to believe that it has to either be your way or the highway, and you gotta risk losing her if you want to sleep with her, it is not 100% gonna get you laid, but at least you can say to yourself, I set a boundry and in the end I did it my way, she leads or you lead, right now, you are choosing she leads and you want approval

the fact that you are even comming from the position of, what can I do to win her over, do I even have a chance, means you have no power or say in this interaction, you make your own descions for yourself, if she doesn't comply then you get to choose, let her be the one making the descions or get yourself out of the unfavourable situation, set out clearly what you want

How is safe a bad thing? Does this mean a rapist is sexy because he's not safe?! Yet a nervous male model is automatically undesirable, just because he's a bit shy?! :S

being rapist is not sexy (you have a great negative terrible vibe dan, it is really cool how you interperet things), a guy that escalates confidently is, girls get anxiety about sex, and alot of them feel guilty, just like guys feel anxiety about approaching, and rejection, if you can't assist her in pushing through the lmr, you won't get through it, if a girl ever tells you no, don't or stop, that is exactly what you do, but you don't then start giving her what she wants, or she will be comfortable with that, and you are now a ''safe guy'', she feels safe and secure with the fact that you won't push boundries (rock the boat) and escalate, she can continue getting all the needs met that she wants, without having to push through her anxiety, even if she really really really wants to have sex with you, she might still feel really anxious about it and have huge trouble going through with it, but once you get your dick in there, POOF, anxiety gone, she already went through with it, you now on a her checklist, fall under, guy that I sleep with

and once again you are dealing in absolutes dan, there is no one size fits all model to girls, they are all different, you can be shy and get girls, you can be ugly and get girls, you can be poor and get girls, but... YOU NEED TO OFFER SOME FORM OF VALUE, you cant be shy/timid/insecure/negative/ugly/poor/little to no friends/no fashion/approach no women/never escalate when one falls in your lap

and expect that hotties would just throw them selves at you, you have to work on yourself and improve yourself, you need to present something to a girl, that she finds important in a guy

I see! I think i am going to use your advice! I am going to risk losing her as a friend in order to make her see me as a fbuddy or boyfriend.
Problem is, I don't know how i am going to do it yet, maybe just calling her and explain that i thought about it, and tell her that i really can't be friends with someone i've dated? Or speak in person?

Or do you have a better way to do it?

Thanks!

PositiveVibe

get her alone again and have sex with her, you will not catch this girl in a logical agreement, I know you want the approval from her, but you will not get it, go for what you want, just assume she wants it too but she is crazy, if you need more specifics then that, see my first post for details

Thanks, that is pretty hard to do, but i am going to try it! Just need to get her alone with me, which is the hard part. Any suggestions to get her on a "Justfriends" date with me again, or get her alone for at least an hour? I don't really have experience with this.

Thanks

PositiveVibe

you gotta figure that one out for yourself

gonne work on it! thanks!

Still looking for other thoughts of people! would appreciate your expieriences and tips!