So I have been seeing this girl for a few months now and she still has some issues with herself that she needs to work out. They were holding us back from having a normal relationship and were ultimately the reason we didn't work out. I wouldn't mind giving this girl another shot later on in the future after she gets her shit together. I sent her the I agree with your decision text and played it off cool by saying "I have been thinking about this and I agree with you. You need some time to figure yourself out and get yourself on track. I obviously still care about you and it's unfortunate that our timing was so bad."

I know my next move is to go no contact but I have a few questions. How long do I go no contact? How do I know when it's the right time to make contact again? And what do I do if she keeps contacting me in a manner that doesn't promote a relationship like random chit chat (since I want to avoid "just being friends")? Thanks.

[quote="kajinn"]How long do I go no contact? How do I know when it's the right time to make contact again? And what do I do if she keeps contacting me in a manner that doesn't promote a relationship like random chit chat (since I want to avoid "just being friends")? Thanks.[/quote]

I'd say as long as it takes.. Move on to new women asap.. There is no right time to make contact again, until after she contacts you.. and if she hits you up with random chit chat, whats wrong with that? thats the contact you waited for.. and you gotta try and perhaps escalate, play your game from there.. just my opinion.

Well if she still wants to be friends and she keeps texting me this chit chat it does two things (in my opinion): 1) it allows her emotional ground to stand on making it easier for her to get over any feelings that she has left for me and 2) it makes it harder for me to get rid of any feelings that I have left for her.

I see what you mean if we hadn't talked in two weeks and then she randomly initiates chit chat, but I meant what if she just keeps texting me today, tomorrow, and every other day about these things like nothing happened and that we are friends (which is the frame I am trying to avoid)? I am fine with being friends with her in the future if that is all it will ever amount to but at this point in time it's better for myself to avoid this type of communication. How should I handle that? Just not reply? Thanks for the input.

[quote="kajinn"]Well if she still wants to be friends and she keeps texting me this chit chat it does two things (in my opinion): 1) it allows her emotional ground to stand on making it easier for her to get over any feelings that she has left for me and 2) it makes it harder for me to get rid of any feelings that I have left for her.

I see what you mean if we hadn't talked in two weeks and then she randomly initiates chit chat, but I meant what if she just keeps texting me today, tomorrow, and every other day about these things like nothing happened and that we are friends (which is the frame I am trying to avoid)? I am fine with being friends with her in the future if that is all it will ever amount to but at this point in time it's better for myself to avoid this type of communication. How should I handle that? Just not reply? Thanks for the input.[/quote]

right.. you can't have "no contact" if shes constantly trying to talk to you.. in that case you would probably want to just ignore her texts for awhile if you think aimless chit chat with her is going to give off the wrong impression that you don't want to give.

OK need help with a response to her last text. To sum up the situation this is what was said. She was supposed to come over and get a bag of her stuff that she left at my place.

Her: I don't even really need it
Me: You are afraid to see me
Her: I don't want to talk
Me: OK

So I put the bag outside the door so she could just pick it up. She arrives, and I text her that the bag is outside.

Her: You're mad?
Me: No I thought that was what you wanted
Her: OK, well that's how it will be then
Me: What do you mean?
Her: See you around
Me: That's what you want?

Didn't reply right away so I figured I would put my last word in...

Me: Alright, good luck, I hope you get yourself all set where you want to be and figure everything out (since she was having emotional issues that resulted in this whole situation to begin with)
Her: No but that is what you just did. If I knew you were going to leave it outside I wouldn't have told you I was here (I don't know what this was supposed to mean)
Her: This is exactly what I didn't want to happen (again not sure what she means)

Then it turned into a slight argument with me being totally confused and her being frustrated. And she didn't reply to my last question so again i went to get the last word...

Me: Well you are the one pushing this situation in this direction and I guess this is what you want. Its too bad things turned out this way
Her: I don't understand why we can't be friends and still talk

How do I respond to that?

I never told her I didn't want to be friends with her YET (even though I don't, at least not at this point in time). But I don't want to separate on bad terms, I'm not mad about the situation I completely understand where she is coming from and there isn't any reason we should end on bad terms. Is there anyway I can win in this situation?

Uh be her friend.. Is she your only option? Can you not get with any other women? Keep a friend, and just move on to another woman. Guys act like little girls about things like this. If your game wasn't on point enough, which it wasn't (emotional issues? thats bullshit dude) just keep her as a friend. And really be genuine about it, treat her like she is one of your boys. DONT try and escalate anything with her. Treat her like a guy and maintain a solid friendship with a female. There is nothing wrong with that. Not ever girl has to be turned into a fuck toy. There are plenty of other women for that out there.

She'll obviously want you when she sees you don't need her and are perfectly fine with being her friend. However, you will have moved on so far(i hope) that you won't want her anyway.

And Stop being a wimp, your texting her way too much. Thats why you were friend zoned in the first place.

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Ask her what she wants from you, as she seems all over the place and scatterbrained.

On the one hand she's saying she doesn't want to talk about things, but on the other she's indicating she wanted to talk (e.g. having gone to your house and be bothered you didn't bother speaking with her). She's saying she wants to communicate with you still, but is that good for you to be doing at this point?

And ya, back off on the evocative texts.

Just gave someone rep or I would do it right now. Hit the nail on the head.

There is no reason to have a thread about going no contact. The distinction is simple. If you can't do what Fuze described, and control your own instinct to escalate, then go no contact. Either be friends or be nothing, don't stay in this awkward break up phase.