Note: When I say this girl is a problem, I don't mean she's currently causing me any real distress or inconvenience; I'm simply trying to figure her out.

The rundown: I dated this girl for a few months earlier this year. Sexual, exclusive, the whole nine yards. A pretty basic relationship, and fun while it lasted. She ended it because she was still hung up on an ex, had severe depression and anxiety issues, etc.

I moved on, but she and I remained in constant contact because we attend the same school, as of recently live in the same small apartment building (I had nothing to do with that. Believe me.), and because I'm just so fond of her personally.

Kinda hard to do a total freeze-out with those factors in play.

Eventually, it became obvious that she and I couldn't be "friends" in the platonic sense. Too much sexual tension. But we also weren't going to in an exclusive relationship again, so we started having sex casually. I was totally free to pursue other women, which I have done.

This casual relationship with her went on until recently, when she started seeing another guy pretty seriously and decided she couldn't be sexual with me anymore out of respect for him.

Fine. It was gonna happen for one of us eventually.

BUT, we still can't be platonic friends. She can't deal with any talk of my sex life or other women and constantly makes comments like "It's so weird not being able to flirt with you."

So now what do I do with her? If she can't be a platonic friend, a girlfriend, a fuck buddy, or anything in between, what place is there for her? Anyone else had a situation like this?

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"I'm currently treating two sets of Siamese twins with split personalities. I'm getting paid by eight people." - Leonard Zelig

Hey GameTheory,

I think it's important to ask yourself what type of relationship YOU want with this girl. If you can answer that question, it'll be much easier figuring out how to play the situation. With that said, I'm the type of guy that would never cut another man's grass, so if she's interested in someone else - I'd leave it. Besides, if you can't be casual, friendly or intimate with her, it sounds like there isn't much left.

Also, just a word of warning, the fact that she ended it because she was still hung up on an ex, had severe depression and anxiety issues, etc. is not a good sign for a healthy relationship. Obviously I don't know her from a bar of soap and you'd be able to gauge the situation better than me, but I think treading lightly would be wise move. Last thing I’d want is to get caught up in a destructive emotional rollercoaster.

Best of luck mate and I hope that helps,

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- MM

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent."

All the non-sense aside.

You have to make it as clear to her as humanly possible.

She took her stand. Now, the consequences of that should be dealt with her.

You aren't going to say anything to her about your past status and comfort equation simply because you have other women to be with and she is your ex, because of certain reasons.

Don't fall into her attention-seeking traps. Just go on with your life.

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" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

Maestro, great reply, man. I really appreciate the time you took to give me your two cents, and it was very helpful.

Don, that's twice now you've responded to a post of mine, and both times you've given me advice that was honest, unfiltered, and totally usable. I hope to receive more of your knowledge in the future.

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"I'm currently treating two sets of Siamese twins with split personalities. I'm getting paid by eight people." - Leonard Zelig

Hey, guys.

I normally don't dig up ancient threads on forums, but I thought it might be valuable to at least some guys in the community to know how things have shaken out with this particular girl.

After good advice from the guys here on the forum, I decided to man up and pursue a friendship with this perfectly sweet girl who, honestly, hadn't mistreated me in any way. I realized that the passive-aggressive player act my bruised ego was licking its wounds with was only alienating her, and was making me pursue other women out of spite alone.

I realized that I hadn't really tried to be her friend (I HAD tried talking to her about other women like a "bro" to make her jealous. Dick move. Don't do it, guys.), and that it was important to me for her to be something positive in my life.

I began hanging out with her and her new romantic interest with other friends in social settings like bars, karaoke clubs, hiking trips, etc. At first, jealousy would seep in and I would have to force my mind from spurned lover mode into constructive friendship mode.

After a while, I didn't have to "force" myself to have fun anymore. I just did, because it WAS fun, and I wasn't letting my ego tell me to deny that.

We would all go out, and she and I would make up games for our entire group to play involving unsuspecting people wherever we were, we would assign each other ridiculous songs to sing at karaoke, etc.

And, yes, I would game other girls on these outings, but this time it wasn't because I was trying to make her jealous. I didn't have a girl, I wanted one, and I was out making it happen for the right reasons. Simple, pure, and attractive.

I suppose you could say that I was finally the guy she was attracted to in the very beginning. She began spending less and less time with the new guy, opting to spend it with me exclusively. In fact, when he would text while she and I were together, she would ignore them.

She started flirting again, talking about having a serious relationship again, and when she tried to kiss me, I stopped her and told her that, if she was serious, she needed to break it off with the other guy and give me a week to decide whether I wanted to try again. Those were my terms.

I genuinely wanted the week to decide; it wasn't part of a strategy. I was taken by surprise because I was genuinely operating from a friendly state of mind by this point. She broke up with him the next day, and patiently waited for a week as a show of good faith. She's now my girlfriend, which I guess reveals my decision.

The important thing here is that I would have been truly happy with any outcome in this scenario, because I admitted my own bullshit, figured out what I wanted, and acted accordingly.

Also, another little factoid to digest and consider. She never even got to the point of having sex with the other guy, because he didn't escalate. "Close, motherfucker!" - Ozzie

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"I'm currently treating two sets of Siamese twins with split personalities. I'm getting paid by eight people." - Leonard Zelig