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I had a two intense month relationship with a girl just hanging with her every day and having sex with her. It was really a fling after she split from her ex. She moved back to London for work for 3 months where her ex of five years lives. Recently went to visit her in London and she told me she just wanted to be friends as was having a hard time with the break up with the ex. (although she had done the break up)
She said if the moment was right again maybe something would happen but now she wanted to be single and not hang in a sexual way and see how things go. Told her dont really do friends but we could hang again in the future and see what happens. Realised I was getting nothing but the odd kiss from her and left and came back to NY. She said she regarded me as someone very close and more than just a friend but just wasnt ready for any relationship with anyone now.
She lives in the UK, I live in NY. Went to a party the other night and she must of known due to Facebook. She sent me a text:
Her: How did your party go?
Me: Too much fun. May have found a girl who could even out do you (Was refering to her partying)
Her: Are you trying to make me jealous?
Me: Haha of course not. everyone was just a bit wild. Was the first time in ages Ive had such a crazy night.
Her: Well whats your point then?
Me: I guess what I was getting at was I actually managed to find someone who can party just as hard as you. Only difference is shes doesnt bite which I must admit is a bit boring. Your cute drunken ass was still missed.
No reply for 24 Hours so I sent her a follow up:
Me: My friends who didnt realise id left, were telling me its a big weekend in London. Still cant believe I never managed to really have one big night out with you. Could have been fun. Hope your having fun & have a drink for me.
HER: Trust me,u shldnt hav left,bin havn th maddest parties since thursday and nt planning on stopping till tuesday,haha!
Do i just leave it now I dont want to appear desperate but also wanna have fun banter with her. She fell for a player and im turning pathetic! ANY HELP???
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Guys. Its so difficult to shift the power back to my side especially living abroad. She knows my friends and what i get up to and also knows i have high value in NY. Just when I went to her country I essentially was a puppy dog.
Ive left now and texts are down to a minimum. I know I should probably cut contact unless she iniates which she very very rarely does. Is this a good juncture to end it on or should I send another text?
here are some ideas for you man, in relation to your situation, first of all, being high value is essentially just being cooler then her (the leader of the pair), now, do you think if you are cooler then her, you are going to just be going around caring so much about everything, cool people don't care, the truth about the whole ''power'' situation, is if you care, you never had the power to begin with, if it actually matters to you what happens, what she does, and how she acts and you are ajusting to please her, then she cared less then you, and the paradox in this situation is once you become aware of this, and ''try'' to actively care less, you will most likely still be caring more and just acting like you care less, the person that is trying less, is the person with more social value, most likely every time, indifference, it is the opposite of needy, if you re-read what you wrote, the girl stated that she was not looking for any sex with you at the current time but hinted that when it was the right time, who knows, instead of needing to get back with her,
the person that cares the least, sets the frame, the person that is setting the frame is leading, because they do what they want for themselves, not for others, when you are reacting to others and doing something because you think they want it, you are the one being lead, there fore caring and lower value
the way I see it one of two options would have been more usefull to this situation
1) go out and don't try to have sex with her, be her friend for a while and see if the ''time is right again'' just have fun with her and don't try to get anything (and if you don't enjoy that the ''time was not right again'' then simply lose interest in her and the next time she contacts you have a new girl and be ''too busy'' for her)
2)express your intent honestly without neediness, everytime you ignore a ''slow down'' signal from a girl (iod) you are telegraphing neediness, everytime a girl gives you a hard time or some form of non compliance, and you don't withdraw instead of advance, you are telegraphing neediness, saying, ''dont really do friends but we could hang again in the future and see what happens'' this is just accepting her LJBF frame, and telegraphing neediness, if you want to put it in those sort of terms and not be needy it would have to be something more upfront, like you know, when I was with you before, there felt like a real connection, that connection can not be ignored, maybe we shouldn't hang out (this is where she either chases or you forget her for a while and hit her up after some time has passed, but your strong frame of we are not just friends remains)
as for the jealousy, most likely a good move, although you were not very subtle about it, and then basicly qualified yourself for her, who cares what she thinks she missed her chance, it is now her turn to chase, you have already telegraphed you care more, you can still contact her and do what ever you want, but cutting contact is probably the best option, it seems you are looking at things from a what can I do to get her to do what I want, but it is not what can you do, it is what does she do, and if she is not doing that then why do I contact her? you re-contact she still does not comply, once again why do you contact her?, no compliance = no point, it is just a waste of time, when you could find a new girl with a situation that doesn't need to be fixed
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