| Here it is, that pill you've been looking for... that one tech, that one word, that will get your old girlfriend back or make your crush finally fall in love with you... ready?
There is none.
Now, Frodo, before you quickly click that back button to continue you quest... please continue reading.
The first step is admitting you have a problem, you have a disease, and you are not in control of your own thoughts.
This board has a great definition of one-itis:
ONE-ITIS—noun: 1. an obsession with a girl whom one is not dating; pickup artists believe that such an extreme fixation on one woman significantly lowers a man's chances of dating or sleeping with her. 2. a girl with whom one is obsessed. Origin: John C. Ryan.
Google defines obsession as
An idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person's mind.
Still here?
What's going on in your head is not your fault and it is completely normal. I'm sure someone has an answer for it but it seems to human nature and part of the human experience.
I know what you are going through on both sides, either yearning for the one that broke your heart or fighting for the attention of that perfect girl... and sometimes seemingly the only girl in the world.
This is normal, but odds are: you aren't going to get her. There's nothing in these boards, ebooks, dvds, or bootcamps that will give the ability to be a PUA sniper to getthis one girl.
Now, before I give how I broke free of my crippling one-itis and how many others really have, lets break down the obsession.
That girl that is in your mind, that perfect girl, one that seems some old dude with a wig would have written poems about... she doesn't exist. Everything you think about her is in your own mind. Every minute of every day that you think about her you put her higher and higher on a pedestal. In the end this fake idea you have of her is going to ruin you, you are going to compare every girl you meet to the fake idea of this girl and ruin every possibility you might have with any other HB throwing herself at you.
Phew that was a lot.
Now how do we break free? The typical answer the community will tell you is to GFTOW... they have been giving this shit advice since I started in '05. And, it's still the same crap. You can erasily get out there and fuck ten other women, but they will just be shells to you. Just a warm body. You can go through 20,30,40 and still this girl is on mind.
The truth? It's damn hard to get over her and move on. The key to this is understanding what's going on in your head. Every time you start to think about her you have be aware enough to say "I'm thinking about her again. I need to stop." You might have to do this 30 times a minute at first.
Becoming aware of your though patterns around the obsession is the first part. The 2nd step, which can be the hardest. You have to humanize her from this grand pedestal she's on. Again, it is time to become aware and really focus on her faults... trust me she has time. Does she snor? Is she actually very negative? Treat people like shit? Oh wait.. but Utah... this girl, she is the nicest person you'll ever meet, the most caring..blah blah. Oh, yeah? If she's so nice, why are you chasing her and going through this hell? Once you can find the faults, you can begin to humanize her and break free of the false her's chains on your mind.
The funny thing about this is, that once you do break free... they seem to sense that and some do what they can to finally get you.. then again some don't.
And, anyone in the community here on chat or forum. DO NOT help these guys with their one girl. You are not helping them if this is one-itis. Advice on text for a girl, she said this what does that mean, that stuff is great... but helping these guys with any advice only gives them hope and makes things worse.
Crap that was more of a rant than I thought it was going to be.
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CHAT