I went out with a girl for about three months last year. I was crazy about this girl, she is amazing. I went away for a month for work and everything kind of fell apart. I had a hard time getting over her. I was doing better but I ran into her on memorial day. We made plans to meet up and hang out later, but she canceled. Over the last five months I've asked her to coffee a few times. She's said yes, but it's never happened.

Anyways, two weeks ago I found out through a mutual friend that she has serious boyfriend that she has been seeing for about a year. I took the news a lot harder than I thought I would. I kind of assumed that might be the case. But hearing it crushed me. I think it hurt more than the original breakup.

I tried to block her out of my mind, but I couldn't. I ended up writing her a long email saying how much I would value her friendship. I told her if she didn't really want to meet up with me, she should just tell me to piss off. She emailed back that does want to meet up, but she has never been friends with someone she has dated before. She said she would like to get together after the holidays. I also invited her to play on sports team, and there is a good chance she is going to do that.

So my question is this. What should I do? Part of me is hoping I'll genuinely be happy with her as a friend and try not think about her boyfriend. Is that possible? I hate the idea of not having her in my life at all. In reality I'm going to want her. I don't know if she'll still have any feelings. I'm afraid she thinks of me as a nice guy. How should I handle things? Should I be nice to her and treat her how I did before. Should I be distant? Should I try to hit on other girls on the team. I've never been a real smooth operator. I think either way I should be trying to meet other girls. Does it all come down to hoping she still has some feeling for me, or is there a way I should act?

Sometimes it might just be a logistic problem, but five months is long. Have you tried calling her? Maintain a carefree attitude and don't ask her why she flaked.
Shes obviously confused. By writing a long email it shows that you're needy. I know how it feels and the feeling that writing a long email will make her change her mind and come back to you. but trust me, it doesn't work. She said she would like to get together? I expect her to flake.
Ask yourself-
Do I really want to get this girl?


If affirmative, get this. Do not visit her facebook profile and stay there feeling depressed. Its bad for yourself and it only make you feel even bad. Its like a chain reaction and its total useless.


You should treat her as usual. You must now let her feel that you're needy or jealous. That's a DLV. If you really what to hit on her friends, make sure it will turn out nice. Since they're in a closed social circle, her friends might talk shit about you.

We know how you feel. You're not the first and far from the last.


Here's what to do.

1. Don't act needy. In fact, don't be.
2. Let there be some distant. There's no way you're gonna get her in this state of mind. let things clear up and reengage when you know that you can get girls above her level. Not act like you can, you must be.

It might take a few weeks or even a few months before you're ready but its worth it if you really want this girl. And don't screw up the second time.

OK. The Bad news and the good news are the same in this case.

The bad news is the state your in requires you to go against every emotion you are feeling if you really want this girl.

The good news was just what I said.

You may wish to look at Matt Hustons book the Ex2 System, on how to get your ex back.

The beauty of this is it helps you actually get over her, and getting over her is the starting point for getting her back or getting a new one. I know it sounds strange, but your emotions are familiar to all of us.

I dumped my ex in far worse circumstances than yours and had all the emotions of wanting her back 7 months ago. As a result of reading his material I not only got over her, but came to the realisation that I really shouldn't be with her.

And I finally have my game face back on.

I did use his techniques to get her to the place where she really wanted me back, but once you are there the decision will be alot less simple than you think depending on whether or not she is worthy to have you. (If she got a permanent replacement after 1 month apart i suggest she isn't). That's my 2 cents worth.

The main steps are:

1) Accept that things are over and do not contact her (minimum 3 weeks)

2) Let her know that you think the break-up was for the best (about 3 weeks)

3) As apart of the conversation tell her you think it seems a shame to throw away such a good friendship.

4) End the conversation and don't talk to her again for sometime.

5) Never talk about your relationship at all. If she tries don't let her. Be aloof and keep it platonic.

6) She will normally contact you next, but you must keep it platonic, she should be no different to deal with than the disinterest you show a HB10 on the pick up.

a) this is where you are allowed to ask her out, keep it as low key as possible. It is not a date but a catch up.

b) Seduce her, you should know how to do this as you know her buttons. Never allow the conversation to come to or rest on the old relationship.

c) You must come across as a new man, but without telling her, just demonstrating those qualities.

d) If you are playful and are negging, try ( so how is it to be in the perfect relationship? ) Never bag her BF if she begins to run him down, stay in his corner for a bit and then change the subject. She will then play out the doubts in her head, you need not take part in it.

e) 2 things either happen here. 1 is that she will be having enough fun, and will comfortable for you to close, or two a second date can be set up ready for full seduction.

Gamblers moves (stealth seduction) will work well in the second option if you can get her be in a place without her bf, with your wing and friend of hers on her shoulder, preferably at night, night game is easier for the kino needed to go all the way.

Remember to be platonic and playful the whole time.

I hope this helps. Good Luck

I know exactly how you feel, and honestly, if you will try to keep her in your life, even only as a friend, you will NEVER see her only as a friend. And you will suffer. I think you should cut her out of your life as much as you can, hang out a lot with your friends and have fun. Don`t stay at home and think about her. Go out and have fun. Drink, smoke, game if you like.. And as the time will pass by, you WILL forget about her. I mean forget like, you won`t feel such pain when you see her and you won`t have that desire of must having her in your life. I had pretty much the same problem, and I`ve completely cut her out of my life for 2-3 weeks (don˙t make it look to her like you are suffering), sometimes I had to really force myself not to write her a message or talk to her, but i managed. And now, It`s not such a problem for me anymore.. Sure it˙s not comfortable seeing her with another guy, but it`s not that big of a deal anymore.
Hope this help, good luck

_________________
There are no lesbians, just women who never met Sid.

Thank you for detailed responses. They really do make me feel better. Sometimes you feel like you're on island when you dealing with this crap. I realize now that I've only been hurting myself and my chances with her. I'm just afraid of missing my window and she ends up marrying some db. Your comments really brought out some good points.

1. I need to get to point where I feel worthy of her and not that feel that I need her to be happy.
2. I need to try and just let go (easier said than done)
3. I'm not going to be happy being friends with her
4. Getting her or getting over her would both be huge for me. I think I might order that book and see how it works for me

Thanks again

you're not alone man, the whole community here got your back. somethings it feels like shit but when you look back, you see yourself grow.

cheers man